Threemoons Posted January 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2015 There's definitely improvement, Maddy. Today I feel sad and hating the body but we're not crying and the suicidal pressure has gone. I only have a few vague thoughts about death in general. No more urges, no more intrusive thoughts about what I could do with objects, which is a relief. My cat is here since yesterday evening, we put him in the big box my dad made (it's impossible to make him enter in ordinary cat boxes anymore) and the journey went smooth. He didn't seemed too stressed but when we arrived in the car park he started meowing like crazy, I wonder how he knew. I think he likes the flat, was lost at first but now he goes into all the rooms. Today he was curious about the balcony, went a bit on it but something scared him. He shall try again though and get used to it. He looks a lot through the windows. We put his food in the kitchen and his litter in the hall, Kara, hope these are good places. Hugs to you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 19, 2015 Report Share Posted January 19, 2015 thats good that your cat has settled in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted January 19, 2015 Report Share Posted January 19, 2015 Oh I love cats. Your cat will get use to the places where is food and litter are. These may be his/her anchor. That's the way I imagine it :-) I hope that you all settle in smoothly. I hope threemoons that you also settle in your body. Gentle hugs if you can bear them otherwise kind words of concern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 Hi all. The cat meowed a lot last night, think he wanted to go in my sister's room. He loves going there as it's a strategic position to have a look on all what happens in the flat, and also it's the warmer room (we don't have heating right now, gas is delivered on Thursday, but my sister has a small portable electric heating as she's a bit ill.) His habits will be disturbed again as my sister takes her rat in this evening so he won't be allowed in her room anymore. I think it would have been better to forbid him the access from the start but she didn't want to and she missed her own animals so I didn't have the heart to contradict her. Our dreams are really confusing me. Don't understand why we keep dreaming of something more severe (or different) than what really happened. Is it a way of the brain telling us our memories are falsified like those of E? He's convinced that he lived in England in his 20's-30's and I'm sure (family can confirm it) that we never went in England though I would like to. What if it's the same for M. and me? What if our memories are false ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 The content of my dreams are many times an expression of the intensity of what I might have felt like on occasions rather than the literal representation of a situation. I have dream that I was in a cave and three men were chasing me with an axe. This hasn't happened in reality though it described my emotional and psychological experience of some situations that involved men. I remember thinking that I had been abused as a child because I couldn't express the pain in any other way, I think. I still wonder about this from time to time. I am positive that I was not though. My parts are not fully formed as identities so I wouldn't know if they dream separately. I don't think so. What an interesting thought. I can understand how you may feel confused about the parts having different memories. Don't parts appear in association with trauma related events? Oh poor cat!! So many adaptations :-) Hope your sister feels better. Hugs. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 huge hugs three moons. Hope your cat settles down soon. Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thank you Karaindrou for your wishes for my sister, it's appreciated. I understand what you say about dreams being an expression of our emotions rather than a reflection of reality. I guess ours are no more than this. As far as I know, we weren't s*xually abused, we just had sessions of being hurt on our genitals. I don't understand the effect it has on us, we can't bear people talking to us about s*x and we are often confused about what's right or wrong on this subject, which makes me feel like a potential monster. Little children crying scare me though so I can't be that bad, can I. Yes, insiders are supposed to form during traumas. (We hate the naming "parts" by the way, it makes us feel like we're not complete in people's minds, as if we were amputated or something.) I can tell with certainty that M appeared during it, or me, don't know who was there first. I became aware of B and E some years after the events stopped but it seems that they knew M for longer so it's another confusing thing. Their memories are very different from mines and M's and they tell about them as if they had a completely separate life before coming to this body. That's why I refer to their specie as ghosts, cause they seem to live several lives entering in bodies and leaving them. Not sure what is delusion and what is partial truth, it gives me headaches to try knowing so I just stopped guessing. I don't think that we dream separately either, just that we somewhat respond to dreams differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2015 Thank you too, Maddy. We now have the toys of the cat with us, he played with them a bit this afternoon. Nights seem difficult for him, he still meow a lot then. It's like he doesn't know where to sleep. The sofa where he went a lot before moving house doesn't appeal him anymore for now. But when we wake up at 5 we eat and then he follows us in our room and sleep with us several hours like before so we hope it's a good sign that he keeps this habit. Don't know how to make nights easier for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Glad to hear your cat is settling in slowly. Nights will get easyer for him the longer he is in the flat. He will settle down. Huge hugs and wheeks from the guineas. Xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 It's okay Kara. There just was something you wanted to talk about so you wrote. We're all here to do that. Thank you Maddy, give a cuddle to the pigs from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 huge hugs three moons. Hope your cat is ok. Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2015 Think my cat is fine, Maddy. He meowed less for 2 nights now and looks less agitated. It's possible that he was moving a lot for being cold before gas arrived, I don't know. We're pleased to see that he is getting back on his little habits. He cuddled for quite a long time yesterday in the afternoon and slept with us from 5 to 12. (We usually sleep at night and also all the morning, it feels guilty to sleep that much but without it we struggle a lot more.) He looks through the windows of the balcony but hasn't gone back on it, think he'll try again in summer when outside is warmer. One funny thing is when the neighbor upstairs makes noise, he looks at the ceiling like totally puzzled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 24, 2015 Report Share Posted January 24, 2015 aww bless him. Hugs from me and the pigs. Xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2015 Thanks Maddy, hugs and purrs back to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 24, 2015 Report Share Posted January 24, 2015 hope today is a better day for you three moons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted January 24, 2015 Report Share Posted January 24, 2015 Threemoons...glad to read your cat is settling Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 25, 2015 Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 how are u today three moons? Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 Thanks, Steve. I feel not well rested and tired Maddy, woke up at 5 and haven't been able to fall back asleep. Think I'll try to have a nap in the afternoon cause this evening we dine at my grandparents and I need to feel healthy to avoid an anxiety attack there. How are you both? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted January 25, 2015 Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 Threemoons...napping is a good idea. I am well thank you, my return to work has helped me Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 I'm glad to hear that, Steve. Wish you to be in a better place now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 glad to hear your time off work has helped steve. Hope your feeling better now three moons. Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Yes, we slept better last night, Maddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Threemoons...are you feeling more optimistic?? Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted January 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Well, Steve, I've decided to take one moment at a time and I've stopped thinking about the future and its challenges so the despair has greatly decreased. I wouldn't say I'm optimistic but I avoid being pessimist either. I feel quite neutral now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 thats progress three moons at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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