status updates

[Kara.]

Wanted to write a status update but it is not working for me.

I just wanted to say how depressing this forum feels whenever I log on. It seems that it has stopped in time... .... Sorry being negative but it's actually not helping to log on. Where is everyone?

[Eagleheart]

I know what you mean. I stopped coming on the forum because I felt my posts were getting too heavy. I believed I was causing others to get more unwell. And then the site had that overhaul & I didn't like the changes. I stopped feeling comfortable here & a lot of people seemed to leave & I barely knew anyone. Shit,I am rambling. Sorry. Very manic atm. 

[artemis84]

I understand both your concerns.  I feel the same sometimes but I also think it's really important that those of us left do keep coming and posting, heavy or not.  If we don't, the burning embers will die out and (for me at least) a huge support system will vanish.  I don't know what I'd do without this place and the lovely people who talk to me here.  I have been away lately as I have been feeling really triggered by everything (here and in rl) but I felt guilty for not coming and helping others as well as missing the community and its support.

Now I am waffling... Sorry, hope there is a coherent point in there somewhere. 

[Eagleheart]

You make a very good point Artemis. Yes,we really need to keep the community going. I suppose I've also felt that new people have filled the spaces made by others. But you have made me see the situation in a new light. Thank you for showing me a different take on things Artemis. Love & light to everyone out there.xxx

[Data]

I want to keep this community going.  Its dying though :(.

 

Member "churn" is inevitable, people come and go.  But what isn't inevitable is the decline in posts.  This place used to be SO busy, years ago.  Its obviously not offering what people want nowadays, or its not being promoted.

[Saharah Blue]

Keep in mind people will look to new technology for help as well. There was a time when email was the bomb now its considered a lame way to engage. There was a time when chat rooms were hot and humming across the world now but now it seems cumbersome and slow to a lot of people. More and more and more people will be looking for apps and social media that will connect them with others, so a support form may feel too rooted in a by gone way of interacting. It is only sad if you feel like your support needs a buzz, in my mind. Because there is nothing wrong in trusting the people we know here like all of you posting on this thread. The fact that your posting is good enough, it is not like your contributions aren't valued.

It is true we have had a lot of the light hearted humor kicked out of the place and perhaps this what is the real issue that those that could make us laugh at our troubles aren't in large supply right now.

 

[addy2]

its sad in here now and I am lonely in rl and here as here was my place of comfort. I'm not sure this place will ever be the same even if we post or not. Feeling particularly sad and alone tonight and realised no one ever love me regardless and it hurts. Big hugs to all you lovely people xx

[Eagleheart]

Hey Addy. Don't give up on this place. Kara's post has set something in motion. It will take time & effort,but we CAN bring things back to life. I'm certainly willing to make more of an effort......

[Lily-Bee]

Hi all,

 

It seems over the past years posts have slowly declined. When I started working here I use to come in and there would be two pages of new posts to look at, now there is hardly any. I am not entirely sure why or how this happened.Weve always done our very best to make this place helpfull and welcoming for all.  I know the last update caused issues but it was already declining seriously before that.

From what I understand several very big forums are shutting down because these days people prefer to joun different kind of groups, like for instance those on Facebook and forums like these are just not getting much traffic anymore. It makes me sad but I dont know how to change that.

 

As long are there are people here though that want us to be here we will be here....

We very much appriciate the loyalty of you guys here. And we will remain to be here for you.

 

Lily

[Kara.]

Maybe that is it. New formats of support groups may play into it. I don't know. I wouldn't want to do it on FB. Maybe it's just an illusion but I feel that there is more privacy in here. I don't trust FB. 

I think though that people here are going through some sort of process that is also related to the site, yes. I personally feel so afraid of not having replies to my posts that I stop myself from posting. But when I come to feel less lonely and wanting to reply to others' posts I find the same posts as the day before and the day before the day before and it makes me feel abandoned. My stuff playing up, of course. 

Lily the survival of the forum doesn't depend on you. It depends on us but true, the update caused lots of disturbance.

Rumbling here. It was lovely to have met you guys even if in this way. You are great and I feel very privileged to have known some of you in such intimate way. This is not a goodbye but in case some of you leave, I wish to let you know that you have helped me a lot. I feel very humbled by having met you.

Lots of love good people. 

 

 

[Saharah Blue]

I have been working out of town during the week and have only been able to log on the weekends really. But, I started job hunting for a position close to home, in which case I am planning on being around more in the coming future too.

Even after the initial dx and crisis years this place has provided me a safe place to learn to socialize and communicate (healthy) with others. I have opened up a lot more than ever in my life.

[addy2]

I feel the same I have opened up here so much maybe too much. Fb isn't a safe place to post people are quick to judge and ive been part of a fb group that is becoming like this one, no one posts and if I post its the same people who reply yet hundreds are in the group and it tells me who has read it. I feel the same Kara its rejecting when people don't reply and I do post much less now as a result that also stops me replying on posts when I feel rejected I'm not much use to anyone. I have met some lovely people here too really lovely and kind and caring and I hope you all stay here xx

[Saharah Blue]

in response to the info gathering of sites  part. I think it would do a lot of people favor by putting a limit on the members interaction so when people go inactive they are encourage to rejoin again. it is misleading to think you've got this group of 8,000 when you really don't. Half the time these people can't remember their old info and make a new one anyway.

We don't preport to be aware of what is current. We don't advertise what we stand for either, which has always about taking personal responsibility for our MH. I think the people that do well and leave, have been supported here in this way. It is more than a crisis sounding board.

I do value my support group no matter how small that gets, I appreciate every single one of you for your ability to give despite your personal struggles. Maybe we are the crew that goes down with the ship in the end, but we are genuine, we are good, and we are true. Thank you for being here.

[Eagleheart]

In all honesty (& I hate having to admit it), I get in a huff a lot about feeling unappreciated & for not being missed here. Because of my dreadful childhood,where I was literally a slave,I crave being told how much I am appreciated  & how special I am. It is a neediness that I detest but it is part of who I am do I can't ignore it.

It reduces me to tears when I come here after a period of absence & no one has remarked about it.

Anyway,enough about my ridiculous hang ups. I just wanted to try to explain why I don't interact on here much.

[Kara.]

I don't think that 'your' hang ups are ridiculous at all eagle. I think that we all have feelings about that kind of things and it is worth talking about them as part of the reason why we are not posting have to do with them.  Our interactions, even though are online, trigger our difficulties and insecurities. I also feel disappointed when I disappear and don't have the forum wondering if I'm ok or missing me. I get jealous of who is looked for but all in all, 90% of the people actually are not. 

I like the idea of being part of the "crew that goes down with the ship". Whilst the ship doesn't go down we can make the most of it.

Dear eagle, I remember lots of things about you and it is not true that you are not missed. There was a time when you were around and then you disappeared. I missed you, your posts, both when you asked for help and when you offered help. You have always managed to help me. But my abandonment played up and I remember very well disconnecting thinking that you were one more that had left. But you might have needed to be called back. 

I find all these feelings and thoughts very interesting. More often than not they are our stuff being acted out in here. 

Hugs to the crew. 

[Eagleheart]

It is so good to know that my way of thinking is not confined to me alone. It comforts & lifts me to hear you say you have missed me,felt my absence. I already feel more positive about things. Heartfelt thanks Kara.

I have been helped by so many people here,over the years. I miss a lot of people who have left. As much as I moan about things,this forum has been my salvation on many occasions. Please forgive me for taking you all for granted. Stay safe.xxx

[walker]

personally we do not use facebook or most of the other 'stuff'

this is or rather was our safe place

perhaps we need it a little less often now

before it was like our life depended on it

but that was when we lived with him

we remember the massive changes that happened here in 2011, which contributed (not caused) to our breakdown at that point

now, once again, the changes here have messed us up and spun us around

so many things altered or disappeared

it feels like someone has broken into our home, stolen things, and turned it all over

it takes a long time to recover

 

Eagleheart, we ALL want to be missed, we ALL need to matter - certainly we still suffer badly inside when we feel those things are lacking, even after almost 7 years here!

we also often recall, wonder and think of others, including you, from this site

but don't often write about it

perhaps we need to remember that ourselves! that we can be in people's minds even when they don't tell us we are!

we are saying it here, yet it is something we are right on the edge of believing

we can believe it for others but not for us - you see? - we think of others yet we don't believe they would think of us - hmmmmmmmmmmm

 

anyway

we still need this safe place, even now.

we still need somewhere to come and hide and pour out all the bpd rages and confussions

we just wish there would be greater clarity given about how and when changes will happen and problems resolved

 

[Eagleheart]

You are so right Walker. It's a difficult situation, what with our very easily hurt minds.

When I am away from here,I always have you in my thoughts. Your posts always move me. The forum wouldn't feel right without you.

[artemis84]

The forum wouldn't feel right without any of you guys, any of 'us'.  It is we who allow the 'us' to exist at all.

I too think of people here often in rl, wonder how you are getting on, feeling, if you would understand where I am coming from when other people 'out there' do not.  We are a community and there is something very special about that. 

[Kara.]

My pleasure eagleheart. I also have to apologise for thinking that people "just leave" rather than also wondering if they are ok. Sometimes I think of some members and hope that they are doing ok and think that they may have been able to move on and don't need the forum so much. Sometimes I think that I may have done something wrong and scared people away. Etc. :-)

It's great to hear from you guys. Group hug! eh eh eh

 

[Saharah Blue]