Thoughts?

[toaster]

I've put this here as I have a couple of things to discuss...

I'm due to start DBT soon.  Today, my care coordinator 'mentioned' that I would have to cover my arms.  Now, I have self harmed (as in cut) once in 7-8 years.  That's pretty fantastic considering I used to SH up to 20 times a day in the past.

So my arms look about as good as they are going to get, scar wise.  They are pretty mangled and some people think I've either been in a fire or been attacked by a dog.

i got really offended when my CC said I would have to cover.  I understand and appreciate that people attending DBT are expected to cover fresh cuts and we are not 'allowed' to talk about methods of SH, how we do it etc.  There's no reason to talk about such things, it should be he feelings behind the SH.  Also, people can end up in some type of competition with each other; it's also not productive for people to be receiving attention for self harming as it can encourage further self harm.

However...my arms are as healed as they are ever going to get.  My CC said people may get distressed by my scars.  I said that was their trigger and it shouldn't be left to me to manage their trigger.  DBT is a place to learn certain skills, including distress tolerance.  If I see someone in the street with self harm scars, can I just walk up to them, tell them I am triggered and ask them to cover themselves up?!

I'm really fucking pissed off about this.  Different situations require different behaviours.  I went for an interview a few weeks ago for a Masters course - I chose to cover my arms then. 

Part of me is being very stubborn about this I know.  I've told my CC I'll go in a fucking bikini if I want to; does she want me to cover the scar on my face as well because it could be argued that was self-inflicted.

Im so wound up by this!

Something which is grating on me...I've been on fortnightly prescriptions for fucking months now.  The doctors and pharmacy won't agree to increase my scripts to monthly.  This is of my own doing, due to a series of overdoses I took in February.  My behaviour then I believe was triggered by going on Champix.  I've calmed down, stopped overdosing, even managed to complete my degree.  I have my son staying with me and I have plans.

i haven't been sleeping - I have, at the moment, what I call my 'true' insomnia.  I'm knackered when I go to bed but I just. Can't. Sleep.

i called the doctor for a weeks worth of sleeping pills and clonazapam for my restless legs (major fucking problem).  The clonazapam does something at stops the restless legs...I take a weeks course and the restless legs go for months.

The doctor refused to prescribe me anything, although my psych has prescribed me these things on a few occasions.  The doctor asked me to ask my CC to call her, which I did.  I have 3 sleeping pills.

i know it's better than nothing, I'm just frustrated.  I know medication is a privilege rather than a right, but it's not my fault I can't sleep and that I have restless legs.  I go to bed, I lay there for hours, not on my phone, not watching TV (don't have a TV in the bedroom).  I'm not sleeping in the day.  

I've also get sciatica related to my periods and suspected endometriosis.  I'm not allowed the pain medicine for that anymore.  Everyone is hung up on the couple months where I went a bit BPD because of that bastard fucking Champix rather than remembering actually, I've come a long fucking way.  This is the first time since I've lived here (4 and a half years) that the GP and pharmacist have had any cause of concern for me.

im just frustrated, pissed off at my CC, due on, I have really bad fucking sciatica, worried about Dylan, worried about money and I just want to get in and do my thing and just be fuckingg ok.  I don't like taking as many mess as I do.  

If you got to the end of this, thank you and we'll done lol.

 

hormonal toaster, BSc with honours   

[DaisyChain]

Hiya hun

there must be different rules in different groups, I personally dont bare any scars or fresh burns but we do have a girl in our group that always wears short sleeves even when she has newly stitched cuts - I must say it is hard to overt my eyes from looking, makes me feel sad for her, her cutting is quite extreme.  Maybe it is to protect you from people staring as much as to protect them. When I see other people who self harm quite severely it makes me feel like a bit of a light weight, inadequate, I know thats my issue to deal with but it might be something that your cc is considering too.

Hope I havent offended hun

As for the meds, Im still on weekly scripts even though my last hospitalisation was probably about 3 years ago now, they do know that when things get bad I stock pile though.  You might be better off getting an appointment and going to talk to gp instead, face to face, also tell them all what you have achieved and let them see the bigger picture.

As for the restless legs, is there nothing else that they could give you to help out with that?

And... hormonal is a bitch, feeling that way at the moment lol

love and stuff xxx

[addy2]

hi toaster, I did dbt over a year ago and we didn't have that rule there was a girl in our group who had newly stitched cuts as well. We weren't allowed to attend if we had sh 24 hrs before. I know if I had sh I didn't tell them or show anyone so it wasn't an issue for me and your right I don't see an issue with scars either it shows you have been trying hard to not sh and i find when I wear short sleeves I am less likely to sh. I admit I found the girl with the cuts triggering, I wanted to cut have no idea why. I'm the same as daisy still on weekly scripts have been for almost two yrs they just refuse to give them to me monthly, works ok though as I would probably take them all at some point. Xx

[walker]

at unit - we are not allowed to show current sh or discuss it

but scars are inevitable and they can be seen

but if people are picking at them or drawing attention to them then yes they will prob be asked to cover them up, but otherwise no

its stupid

they should be impressed you have gone so long without it

I guess if someone had been in an accident - is that allowed?

surely this is reinforcing that we, and our behaviours, are all unacceptable - not the point of services I think

not wording this very well but hopefully clear enough

basically its a stupid rule

 

 

[Kitsune]

Hmmm, perhaps you could ask the course leader rather than your care coordinator as they'll know for sure? It seems like a daft rule to me, i can understand fresh scars being covered perhaps but not old ones, besides what if you have scars that are not self inflicted, shouldn't you have to cover those up just in case they trigger, there's a limit to how much responsibility you should have to take for other people being triggered- it's common sense. Infact the whole point of DBT and therapy is to encourage people to take responsibilty and regulate their own emotions and emotional experiences. And besides, we're having a heatwave what if it was too hot in the room you are working in and you all needed to wear short sleeves or vest tops, are they going to make you all melt instead of letting you show old scars just incase it triggers someone?

[toaster]

I understand fresh cuts, picking,, drawing attention etc...but as Walker said, scars are inevitable.

 

Should I cover the scar across my jaw line?  I got that from jumping out the window...

[Jelly-bean]

hi toast,

I'm doing DBT at the moment, and the best person to ask is your therapist who will be the one who will be your one to one therapist during your dbt and it is brought up in the first group session in the rules of DBT, about current SH to make sure it is covered in group sessions and not to discuss it in or out to group members,

I had endrometriosis inside and out side of my womb and had it all removed womb ovaries and cervix, which  I then went straight into the menopause not good! also suffer from sciatica because id slipped two disc and had a discectomy and spine fusion back in end of march this year, at the moment im getting pain patches for the pain which is synthetic morphine as the back pain and leg pain is back also suffer with restless legs pm me any time to have a chat, id suggest going to your doctor discussing your options of pain relief as they know how painful this can be especially if have slipped a disc as not easy to tell unless you have a mri as I had a xray which missed the prolapsed discs .. hope im making sense here..

 

[tattoogirl]

I just wanted to say firstly that well done on finishing your degree.  That is a huge achievement.  I was going through a hard time at the time of my degree and had to get it extended as i was too ill, i still came out with a 1st so it was a huge achievement for me.  Be proud of yourself, you deserve it!