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WHY SELFHATE ?


SELFHATE

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My name is SELFHATE 

I was a member here before ...can never remember my username and password

Anyway this me is 

I dont know weather to post this here or some where else 

I have BPD  but av been lying about a few things for my attention i dont know why i been doing it ( only my husband knows about it )

what it was is that i made up some stuff about abuse from a priest and some other things as well 

its turned out i was abused as a very young age by friends of the family  and in my teens 

i dont know why i make things up  i dont know what to do about 

Am Christian and i believe that am going to hell for lying to the people i lied to 

The priest died a few years back i never told anyone about the priest abusing me until i met my husband i think i was wanting to see if my husband really love me in some sort of sick way 

my husband says he forgives me and that i shouldn't worry about it  but ii do worry 

I understand if you dont want a liar as a member  

Sorry 

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi

Welcome to the forum. Sorry for the delay in responding.. I think you have been very brave in sharing here and hope that it helped to share with others. I'm glad that you have a supportive husband. Have you ever been in therapy? I am asking because I too have also lied in the past.. therapy has really helped me understand why I told those lies. It isn't an easy journey but in my opinion definitely worth it.

Hope you're still around here and get to read this response. Take good care
Jenny

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  • 6 months later...

:trigger:This was me i am SELFHATE 

i forgot my signing ins and had to make another account i keep forgetting my username and password sorry 

i have been hiding the truth from people going around acting because i need to to survive  does this make me evil ?

Am scared all the time now that someone will see me for what i am 

I want to self injure but my husband hidden the tools and will not give me them back 

i feel worse  without it ...my husband wants me to stop the self hated of myself but he dont know who i really am here dont see me as evil he loves me 

I was getting therpy  but am too scared to say anything about i want to drink and take drugs i need help

sorry 

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1 hour ago, HATE said:

:trigger:This was me i am SELFHATE 

i forgot my signing ins and had to make another account i keep forgetting my username and password sorry 

i have been hiding the truth from people going around acting because i need to to survive  does this make me evil ?

Am scared all the time now that someone will see me for what i am 

I want to self injure but my husband hidden the tools and will not give me them back 

i feel worse  without it ...my husband wants me to stop the self hated of myself but he dont know who i really am here dont see me as evil he loves me 

I was getting therpy  but am too scared to say anything about i want to drink and take drugs i need help

sorry 

THIS me sorry i keep forgetting passwords 

my brain dont work right 

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Hello Faint,

The fact you are being so open and honest here must mean something good?

From my personal experience, I've always tested the people I love the most. almost as if i can't believe they love me. And yes, I've lied.......many, many times.

But there is always hope....that has been shown to me here and with the loved ones I have actually opened up to.

I really hope you get all the help you need.

Kim

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