neilh Posted May 25, 2016 Report Share Posted May 25, 2016 They say that recovery is like peeling an onion and that in each layer you feel different and become aware of different issues. I have never felt what I would call 'real anxiety' but recently I have. I have been in recovery for about 5 years and see a therapist weekly. I have now stopped acting out and am beginning to function correctly. Just recently I have been working really hard on recovery, reading lots, going to groups and examining the 15 styles of deluded thought. Although I'm doing well, I sometimes feel a rush of Anxiety and panic, I've also noticed that this period of Anxiety is normally followed by a drop in mood and extreme tiredness, Has anyone else with bpd experienced this Anxiety. Is this another layer of the Onion!!!! Neilh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimboski Posted May 25, 2016 Report Share Posted May 25, 2016 Hi Neil, Personally speaking Anxiety has always played a part in my mental health.....even in recovery. I can only assume its a perfectly normal part of everyone's make-up. You say that you've been working really hard on your recovery..........that, in and of itself must throw up things that going to make anxiety rise to the surface. I went through an intensive period of recovery and self-work at a rehab last year and the issues and topics we covered certainly raised my anxiety level way above it's normal level. As ever, all I can say is, speak to your therapist/GP etc. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilh Posted May 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2016 Thanks for a swift reply Kim, It funny but you have spelled out an obvious thing in that Anxiety does play a big part of where I am on the scale of mood. Its also true that in amplifying my focus too much on recovery ramps up the Anxiety. I suppose its about getting a balance in recovery and not putting too much pressure on yourself to achieve unreachable results. Thank you for those wise words, All the best, neilh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimboski Posted May 25, 2016 Report Share Posted May 25, 2016 Neil, you really are welcome. I am no professional, and only ever talk from my own personal experience. Wise??? I doubt it. But what I say is well intentioned. It can be harrowing in the extreme rehashing old memories and experiences that you think you've got past. In truth, I had dealt with nothing......just buried it or distracted from it. Actually dealing with 'things', I use the analogy that was given to me..........it's like pulling a plaster off an old wound; there will be pain but our focus has to remain on the benefits of finally looking our demons right in the face and telling them to f**k off (dealing with them). I have seen benefits but by no means has it been a pain free process. Also, as an aside, and again not professionally.......I was told that anxiety is just that. No more and no less. It will not kill us and we don't have to act on it. We can embrace it and let it wash over us and subside (still trying to get the hang of that one!). As ever , I will always say, talk to your support network. They can be life savers. And if they aren't, keep looking for the ones that are. All the best Kim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted May 31, 2016 Report Share Posted May 31, 2016 Anxiety is one of the reasons I'm a drug addict. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimboski Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 On 31/05/2016 at 10:22 PM, successful_workthru said: Anxiety is one of the reasons I'm a drug addict. Absolutely the same here. I cannot handle it by any other means than 'numbing' myself in various different ways over the years. The things I am learning now, first and foremost a proper diagnosis, is giving me hope that I'll no longer need that crutch...........and maybe allow a little anxiety into my life without freaking out and reaching out for .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 18 minutes ago, Kimboski said: Absolutely the same here. I cannot handle it by any other means than 'numbing' myself in various different ways over the years. The things I am learning now, first and foremost a proper diagnosis, is giving me hope that I'll no longer need that crutch...........and maybe allow a little anxiety into my life without freaking out and reaching out for .......... Do you have a diagnosis? How will the diagnosis stop you needing the crutch? I ask cos I am a drug addict and I have no diagnosis and they cannot understand why I am so insistent on getting one. They're just too vague, say anxiety nd depression, but they are only just symptoms of something else, like BPD, I see a lot of BPD traits, CPTSD and ADHD and I know I have some autistic traits but dunno what. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimboski Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 Yes, I have a formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist (the only person, to my knowledge that can give you one) of BPD. For years and years I carried around the guilt of my actions and 'acting out' in so many ways. and constantly being told I was 'just an alky/druggie' reaffirmed my feeling of worthlessness and being an awful human being. The diagnosis helped me realise that I am ill. I need help, and deserve help as a worthwhile human being. My needs, as a child, and certain things that happened moulded my formative brain......and I carried the guilt/shame/rage/anxiety into adulthood. It fucked me up. I have battled for years to get to a psychiatrist.........as you know, they fob you off in any way they can. It came to a head last year when I asked my physchaitrist if I am just a substance abuser why was I stamping on glass barefoot at the age of 6 just so I could 'feel' anything other than the self loathing I was. I think the diagnosis helped as it confirmed I am not an evil/ worthless person.........but someone who, through circumstance, became ill and needed help. And NOT just another detox. I felt a little empowered, and that has had a kinda snowball effect (on good days) to face my fears and anxieties. I'm chipping away slowly but surely. I AM WORTHY. That's my mantra now. We all are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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