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Does anyone cry if someone is kind or speaks kindly to them


successful_workthru

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Although I feel I am one of those fragile people who doesn't do well with tough love, or a sharp toned voice, etc, when someone is kind to me, or talks kindly to me it makes me sob my heart out.

Anyone know why this is?

Can anyone else relate?

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this is totoally me all over ' kill with kidnes ' springs to mind. all emotions make m cry especially really happy moments. im crazy sensitive xx

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I don't cry but when someone speaks kindly to me, I do feel amazingly happy and moved and amazed and shocked and grateful and I completely fall in love with them in a way, not in a sexual or romantic way but I think they're just the loveliest person to be kind to me. I have also heard of other people who cry in response to kindness so you are definitely not alone. That's probably much more normal than my response!

It's hard to say why, it might be different for everyone but I think when we're not used to kindness or when a lack of kindness can have such a devastating effect, it just means so much when someone is kind. It becomes a really special moment and for a short while I can actually feel happy and as though someone likes me. Also although there are some people who are kind because they feel they ought to be, this is becoming rarer and rarer, people in shops etc are supposed to be kind but often they are very rude so if someone is kind, it often means they've looked at me and made the choice to be kind or at least thought 'this girl is a freak but I will be kind to her anyway because she's a human being too' and I'm just so grateful for that because so few people are kind. (I'm talking about the offline world, not here though there are some horrible online people too, just not here) and it makes complete sense to me that these emotions could produce tears in some situations.

 

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2 minutes ago, zenry1213 said:

this is totoally me all over ' kill with kidnes ' springs to mind. all emotions make m cry especially really happy moments. im crazy sensitive xx

I found it terrible at work, if someone humiliated me in front of everyone, or spoke to me in a threatening way, and then, soon ater, somoeone nice came along and was kind, that would set me off.

I just couldn't cope with work colleagues, some of them got in really bad moods and were mean to me.

2 minutes ago, lonelyheartemma said:

I don't cry but when someone speaks kindly to me, I do feel amazingly happy and moved and amazed and shocked and grateful and I completely fall in love with them in a way, not in a sexual or romantic way but I think they're just the loveliest person to be kind to me. I have also heard of other people who cry in response to kindness so you are definitely not alone. That's probably much more normal than my response!

It's hard to say why, it might be different for everyone but I think when we're not used to kindness or when a lack of kindness can have such a devastating effect, it just means so much when someone is kind. It becomes a really special moment and for a short while I can actually feel happy and as though someone likes me. Also although there are some people who are kind because they feel they ought to be, this is becoming rarer and rarer, people in shops etc are supposed to be kind but often they are very rude so if someone is kind, it often means they've looked at me and made the choice to be kind or at least thought 'this girl is a freak but I will be kind to her anyway because she's a human being too' and I'm just so grateful for that because so few people are kind. (I'm talking about the offline world, not here though there are some horrible online people too, just not here) and it makes complete sense to me that these emotions could produce tears in some situations.

 

It brings to mind the Elephant Man movie, when he escaped from his brutal captor in the freak show and re-united with the Kind doctor played by Anthony Hopkins, and when the doctors wife showed kindness, the elephant man started crying.

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Just now, successful_workthru said:

I found it terrible at work, if someone humiliated me in front of everyone, or spoke to me in a threatening way, and then, soon ater, somoeone nice came along and was kind, that would set me off.

I just couldn't cope with work colleagues, some of them got in really bad moods and were mean to me.

obv not the same but i used to be like this at college  but then i really struggled with rage and emotional outburts. i would explode at certain people in the middle of the class and then run out crying. its almost like an  emotional overload and crying is the way to cope and regulate those emotions. obv with BPD mood swings emotions and feeings are very unpredictable and i think they have a massive part to play in how we feel and react to people who are not like ' us ' xx

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38 minutes ago, lonelyheartemma said:

I don't cry but when someone speaks kindly to me, I do feel amazingly happy and moved and amazed and shocked and grateful and I completely fall in love with them in a way, not in a sexual or romantic way but I think they're just the loveliest person to be kind to me. I have also heard of other people who cry in response to kindness so you are definitely not alone. That's probably much more normal than my response!

It's hard to say why, it might be different for everyone but I think when we're not used to kindness or when a lack of kindness can have such a devastating effect, it just means so much when someone is kind. It becomes a really special moment and for a short while I can actually feel happy and as though someone likes me. Also although there are some people who are kind because they feel they ought to be, this is becoming rarer and rarer, people in shops etc are supposed to be kind but often they are very rude so if someone is kind, it often means they've looked at me and made the choice to be kind or at least thought 'this girl is a freak but I will be kind to her anyway because she's a human being too' and I'm just so grateful for that because so few people are kind. (I'm talking about the offline world, not here though there are some horrible online people too, just not here) and it makes complete sense to me that these emotions could produce tears in some situations.

 

Back again, the stingy skimping economic climate could be to blame as to why humans are getting ruder.

Nothing like taking away resources to bring out peoples dark side. I would hate to see my dark side in case i was a monster, or realy selfish etc.

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I'm desperate to cry. :(

I'm having such trouble attaching myself to emotions. I'm dissociated and terribly depressed. 

Feeling suicidal pretty much all of the time.

I'm envious of you being able to release your emotions..

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1 hour ago, mamalou said:

I'm desperate to cry. :(

I'm having such trouble attaching myself to emotions. I'm dissociated and terribly depressed. 

Feeling suicidal pretty much all of the time.

I'm envious of you being able to release your emotions..

I know this might sound mad, but get yourself a teddy bear big enough to cuddle.

I used to have a fleecy jumper that I used to cuddle every time I felt I needed to release emotion.

I  now have a draught excluder, one of those ones that looks like a long skinny pillow, and I cuddle it.

I rock back and forth and try to imagine a female, wise loving presence consoling me.

I think I used to dissociate, cos I tried to make out my Dad was great when he was abusive. Denial.

I space out and go 'elsewhere' expecially when im bored.

Here's a cuddle for you.

There is one GOLDEN rule, when doing this, you MUST be kind and respectful to yourself, as if you were consolling a friend. Treat yourself like you would a good friend who came to you upset.

I take opiates cos I have so much emotional pain, and they are great at taking it away.

I don't like the high, cos I'm too wobbly, what with valium and pregab, so I just take enough to dry my tears when I get up on a morning and have to face yet another day.

I don't like to take them everyday. I was supposed to be taking them today, but I changed my mind this morning in bed, and spent most the day crying.

People have been very kind to me today.

The love from the garden flowers compared to human hatred makes me cry too. It's that stark contrast between love and hate.

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I have had a few times in my life where that has happened. I had grown so use to someone being indifferent towards me that it has brought tears to my eyes when I have been treated with gentle consideration.

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18 hours ago, Saharah Blue said:

I have had a few times in my life where that has happened. I had grown so use to someone being indifferent towards me that it has brought tears to my eyes when I have been treated with gentle consideration.

I'm sorry the same has happened to you, you articulate how I feel very well.

I don't know why this happens, I cry immediately, whereas, if someone says something negative to upset me, there is often a delay before I cry. Sometimes when I am at a low ebb, I feel that people = pain, because I never felt up to the job of motherhood, so had no kids, and I am too soft with people, so when I try to stand up for myself it goes wrong, and I end up being the one apologising. I just find it so hard to get along with people, even though I am a pretty well liked person.

I want to share my life with someone, but I am afraid of getting an abusive or exploitative partner, however, when I have met men that are neither abusive or exploitative, I don't feel as if I deserve them. How contradictory.

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To me it was a sign or indication of the gentle love I was craving, nothing wrong with tears, I would just let yourself feel the sadness. For me it helped me to look for someone who had those traits naturally. I still look to make friends with people who are often time kinder than I am or than I feel. I want them to teach me their ways :)

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14 minutes ago, Saharah Blue said:

To me it was a sign or indication of the gentle love I was craving, nothing wrong with tears, I would just let yourself feel the sadness. For me it helped me to look for someone who had those traits naturally. I still look to make friends with people who are often time kinder than I am or than I feel. I want them to teach me their ways :)

I never thought about it that way, "Gentle love I was craving", that rings loud bells for my personal experience, as a lot of people have always spoken to me in a sharp tone, even thouse people, who I know are very fond of me.

I hear thier tone to me, then if we're in a group and they seem to have a more 'respectful' tone to others, often I dont even think they know they are doing it, especially the ones who like me.

I also see the gentle love as a contrast to the sharp tones of others, the 'pull yourself together crew' who genuinely believe that you should, cos they can manage to hide their feelings, even other Borderliners, its mad.

Thank you for your input you've put things in a very interesting way.

My mum was horrible to me when I was suicidal last year. Just when I needed her love the most. She knew I had a cocktail and everrything.

When I meet people who are nice, i doubt them or if I think theyre genuine I feel I dont deserve them, cos the dysfunctional part of me says, "If you deserved kind and gentle speech,you would get it off everyone, no one would be sharp with you"

 

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I think there is a guilt that arises from not feeling deserving, it is why I pitched it to myself the way I have, rather get caught up in a cycle of shame I just look at is as an opportunity I have to learn how to be the kind of person I want to be more of. You're right about the pull your socks up crew, it can feel invalidating, I imagine they just lack the patience to handle the situation, I know I have been that impatient person many times too many and I am trying very hard to take more time to listen to really respond to others.

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5 hours ago, Saharah Blue said:

I think there is a guilt that arises from not feeling deserving, it is why I pitched it to myself the way I have, rather get caught up in a cycle of shame I just look at is as an opportunity I have to learn how to be the kind of person I want to be more of. You're right about the pull your socks up crew, it can feel invalidating, I imagine they just lack the patience to handle the situation, I know I have been that impatient person many times too many and I am trying very hard to take more time to listen to really respond to others.

Hi, Im liking this chat. I feel I have to 'earn' respect from the more abrasive types before I can resepct myself or even feel respect for myself, cos I cannot feel what is not there.

I know this is dysfunctioonal thinking but the world is full of dysfunctionals, at least weve got our labels and we know where we are at with things many so called normals are crazier than crazy, proper dark characters some of them.

I feel shame too, it was instilled in me from an early age by my parents and siblings, and cos there was a lot of them, and they were all one one side, I believed them, so its gonna take a lot of unravelling layers of consciousnesss, peeling them back, giving them an airing, letting them heal, accept what I can't control and make the best of it.

I do like to allow myself to feel emotions, samaritans are great for this, if I ring up and just ask them if they will listen while I tell them my feelings, Ive got an ear, someone to listen to me, and it helps my train of thought.

I also counsel myself as well as getting counselling privately and I am not religious but I do ask the universe quite a lot of things and I understand telepathy and how mathematics is the languate of the universe.

Yeah "Pull your socks up crew" are people who don't know how to deal with it, they are scared to look at themselves, a crying woman threatens them down to their very being, so the discomfort they feel can sometimes be experessed in invalidating ways. I hate invalidation I have had boatloads as I guess you have too.

I'm not the most patient. Im suspected ADHD, sometimes, I just hate hate hate waiting. it sucks.

 

 

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On 22/06/2016 at 8:37 PM, zenry1213 said:

obv not the same but i used to be like this at college  but then i really struggled with rage and emotional outburts. i would explode at certain people in the middle of the class and then run out crying. its almost like an  emotional overload and crying is the way to cope and regulate those emotions. obv with BPD mood swings emotions and feeings are very unpredictable and i think they have a massive part to play in how we feel and react to people who are not like ' us ' xx

Sorry to hear you sufffer so, BPD is so painful isn't it?

Personally, I think we are warriors, cos when non BPD'ers can smile, we find it hard to smile, we find it hard to feel happpy, there is this background sadness there, or this background irritability, or some other negative emotion.

I find neg emotions hard as can be but i guess thats to be expected of BPD and it seems that spartanlifecoach on youtube is also linking bpd to cptsd like my psychiatrist did.

 

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43 minutes ago, successful_workthru said:

 

Personally, I think we are warriors, cos when non BPD'ers can smile, we find it hard to smile, we find it hard to feel happpy, there is this background sadness there, or this background irritability, or some other negative emotion.

 

It's not only people with BPD who cannot smile or find it hard to feel happy. Many of us with mental health issues struggle everyday just to exist. 

Xx

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1 minute ago, mamalou said:

It's not only people with BPD who cannot smile or find it hard to feel happy. Many of us with mental health issues struggle everyday just to exist. 

Xx

True. My brother has bipolar and even though he doesn't talk about it, you can tell he is in pain from his face.

Same with other people with varying condition it's just this place is more borderline

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  • 2 weeks later...
On ‎01‎/‎07‎/‎2016 at 10:28 PM, successful_workthru said:

Sorry to hear you sufffer so, BPD is so painful isn't it?

Personally, I think we are warriors, cos when non BPD'ers can smile, we find it hard to smile, we find it hard to feel happpy, there is this background sadness there, or this background irritability, or some other negative emotion.

I find neg emotions hard as can be but i guess thats to be expected of BPD and it seems that spartanlifecoach on youtube is also linking bpd to cptsd like my psychiatrist did.

 

I went through a very traumatic experience back in 2013 which seems to of ' triggered ' my BPD XX

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I find people being kind to me or compliments hard to take as i was constantly put down when i was growing up and sometimes i cry cause i dont know how to deal with it...

hope this makes sence...

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18 hours ago, zenry1213 said:

I went through a very traumatic experience back in 2013 which seems to of ' triggered ' my BPD XX

Sorry to hear that, if you want a listening ear, I'm here.

18 hours ago, maddy harper said:

I find people being kind to me or compliments hard to take as i was constantly put down when i was growing up and sometimes i cry cause i dont know how to deal with it...

hope this makes sence...

It makes perfect sense. Sorry you were constantly put down, that is really damaging, especially if the wrongdoer is not apologetic.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 11/07/2016 at 5:06 PM, zenry1213 said:

I went through a very traumatic experience back in 2013 which seems to of ' triggered ' my BPD XX

(((((((((((((zenry))))))))))))))) sorry to hear this, i feel that things trigger mine.

I am really easily upset or annoyed, like I cannot stand negative emotions.

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On ‎28‎/‎07‎/‎2016 at 10:21 PM, successful_workthru said:

(((((((((((((zenry))))))))))))))) sorry to hear this, i feel that things trigger mine.

I am really easily upset or annoyed, like I cannot stand negative emotions.

I get very negative if people around me are being negative. its like I'm so in tune with their emotions it has a massive impact on me? more than normal people anyway

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On 30/07/2016 at 7:26 PM, zenry1213 said:

I get very negative if people around me are being negative. its like I'm so in tune with their emotions it has a massive impact on me? more than normal people anyway

Sorry to hear that Zenry. Our condition is very painful isn't it, we do well to survive it. We should pat ourselves on the back. love from me ((())) hugs

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