Bpd friend

[Lola91]

My friend was recently diagnosed with BPD. We all knew for a while that she had it so it wasnt like the diagnosis was a surprise. For a few years have pretty much been my friends rock since she doesnt get on with family. 

About 2 months ago my own health went downhill and I just wasnt myself. sometimes my friend needs looking after as she can be immature but lately ive told her she needs to be accountable for her actions, i cant keep coming to the rescue. 

The past few weeks Ive not been well at all with my physical health and my mental health (i have bipolar). My friends aware and she was supportive at first. Its just she keeps off loading things on to me via text and phone calls 24/7. She then says sorry I feel selfish saying this with everything you've got going on. At first I wasnt majorly fussed but the last week or so is draining. I was honest and said 'im really sorry but my heads not in the right place to offer advice and im not feeling well'. Its not serious stuff as in her lifes in danger shes talking about just her thoughts and feelings on that day. The last few days though shes saying shes gonna get ill again etc she wants to stay in but she needs to go out etc the way its worded is as if she kind of wants me to feel guilty because im not round loads like I was before. 

I know there is alot of stigma surrounding bpd aswell and shes more than aware of it so how do I tell her I need to step back abit from her and get myself well again? I cant take listening to anyone elses problems when ive got alot of my own to deal with. Shes just very sensitive and last thing I want to do is make her feel bad about herself. She has a heart of gold that not many people always see but theres only so much one person can take. Ive had to take time off with my health and I really cant handle running around after my friend like I have before I cant physically do it. 

 

Any advice would be much appreciated

   

 

[Lily-Bee]

Hi

Sounds like youve been a really good friend to her, she is lucky.

Youre right to look after yourself, this is important.

My advise would be to set clear boundaries, concrete so she knows exactly what you will and will not deal with right now. If she crosses a boundary you need to either not respond or have there be another consequince.

For instance you can tell her I care for you but as you know right now I need to take care of me. And then say what you need could be different things like leave me alone for a week or dont text more then so many times per day week or dont text heavy stuff.

Think about it, what would work better for you and let her know that.

Is she in the UK or US? I could give you some phone numbers for her of organisations like samaritans that she can talk to. Or tell her she needs to talk to her doctor. She is also welcome to come here and talk to us.

Lily