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BPD Assessment


Cagney

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Hi everyone,

I am completely new to this forum and wondered if any of you could give me the benefit of your experience. I have been in therapy for issues such as love addiction and relationship issues for 6 months now. Yesterday my therapist who I have an excellent working relationship with, suddenly announced that she could no longer work with me unless she referred me for a mental health assessment for BPD. As you can imagine I totally freaked out (probably demonstrating all the BPD traits in one go ironically!) and have spent much of the time since crying. I'm now starting to try to think rationally about this and how it could be a good thing (I know my behaviours have been wrong for a long time now) so I was just wondering if anyone could tell me what sort of thing to expect with an NHS assessment for BPD?

Many thanks for your help.

 

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Hi Cagney,

Welcome to the site, I really hope you find the help you need.

In answer to your question, I think everyone's experience is different as we all come from different angles; ages, pasts, what treatment we're currently having at the time of diagnosis. I also think a lot depends on which NHS area you are in. As I understand it, they vary wildly.

Personally, it took me a long time to get the diagnosis I needed......which would get me the correct help. In and out of rehabs, wards, cells.......the list goes on. I also found, and it is a particular bugbear of mine, that they wanted to constantly treat my addiction and not look beyond it to the causes of it.

I would imagine, and this is only a guess, that will be referred to your local Psychiatric services (whatever they may be in your local area) for an initial assessment. From there, if your experience is the same as mine, you will then go on to see a qualified Psychiatrist, as they the only ones who can issue it. It may takes months as it did for me. But I am glad I went through the process.

Good luck on your journey, and I am glad you are already looking at the positives that could come from it all.

All the best,

Kim

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Thank you for replying Kim. Sounds like a scary and long process but guess I have no choice really. It's great to have something like this to connect with people though. Thanks again.

cagney X 

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It can be scary Cagney. It can be really frustrating as well.

You do have a choice. It's entirely up to you what happens but, if like it happened to me, it is worthwhile in the end.

I hope you enjoy the journey :)

All the best,

Kim

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Hi and welcome

it took me sevral years before i got the bpd label

various stays in mental hospital in Scotland till i had to run from there to England and got locked up in a psych unit for a year and a half but it took them 8 months before they even begun to have an idea what was wrong with me in the 1st place

then came all the psych drug testing before i was put back in to comunal living which was a bit scary after being locked up all that time

i'm blind also so that didn't help any

i think if you have a diagnosis it can be really helpful on one hand and a bastard to have on the other if that makes any sort of sence...

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Thank you to those who commented. Well apparently I don't fulfil enough of the criteria to be given a "full BPD diagnoses" but I have definite traits! How very helpful! I ended up seeing a private doc who said the nhs won't touch me because quite simply I'm not suicidal enough! Wow! When I went back to tell my therapist she implied that it was more to do with money than anything else.  She fully believed it's BPD to the extent she's basically chucked me out on my ear until I get some DBT! So as you can imagine my abandonment shit is through the actual roof at the minute. I feel as if I have no one on my side at all. I'm trying to find a DBT therapist privately but they are few and far between and cost an arm and a leg! Ah well, just thought I'd update. 

Cagney . X 

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Hi Cagney,

I kept quiet on this one until you had heard back from your assessment, I think BPD is just a label, some people find it helpful, and some people fit in to the box better than others. I find it more helpful to know specifically what my issues are and work through them, rather than working through a diagnosis. I also believe that different methods work better for different people, unfortunately you just have to pick one you like the sound of and give it a go. If it doesn't work move on to another method. I'm currently on my third (psychoanalysis) after trying person centred therapy and CBT.

I do am forced to self fund as I function too well to warrant NHS help. Because I show up for work every day and haven't seriously wanted to kill myself since I started the relationship I'm in (several years ago), there really is no help available unless I pay for it.

I know therapy can be expensive, my bill takes out the bulk of my expendable income, but if you can afford it, or find a way to afford it then it is well worth the money. Had I not invested in myself previously then I wouldn't have had the confidence or stability to push myself to get better jobs, complete training courses or make better financial decisions. The therapy I paid for pays for itself many times over in what it has enabled me to do.

It must be really hard feeling abandoned so much. I hope you manage to work through that. As bad as things can seem I think it's important to remember nothing terrible is going to happen, there will always be people to support you even if individuals come and go.

All the best

Forest

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Hi ForestP,

thank you for taking the time to comment. You make an awful lot of sense actually. You're right I don't need a full label to tell me what I already know. I know all too well where my issues lie and I should be focused on those things. In my assessment the doc said I was too highly functioning, I have a job, husband, kids, to be BPD but that doesn't stop me from having many of the symptoms if you like. I suppose like everything BPD exists on a spectrum and we all find ourselves at various points. I thought I needed to be given an answer originally, you know "such and such is wrong with you" in order to explain all this madness but actually why would that be a good thing when I think about it? I just need to address the parts I do exhibit. I think I have found a doc willing to work with me and yes it is very expensive. I realise how lucky I am that I can afford to do this and just how awful it must be for those who aren't in such a lucky position. I am going to start with DBT and try to find ways to overcome ideas of abandonment and regulate my emotions more. Apparently I also completely suck at self soothing! Who knew! Anyway, thanks again for your comments. 

Cagney X 

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Sounds like we are in the same boat (except I don't have kids yet). You seem like you are on the right track (right in my opinion) and you have arranged to get some help which is great. I would appreciate it if you gave us some updates on your progress, I would like to hear about how you are doing and the way DBT helps once your therapy starts, of course you don't need to share anything you don't want, but sharing experiences can really help others in similar situations, as well as potentially furthering understanding of yourself.

All the best

Forest

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Hi Cagney,

I think you and Forest are right; the label, in and of itself, means very little.

We are humans and have a whole range of complex and intricate manners. The important part, I feel, is that you have identified things that you do not like and want help  with them.

It took me years to get to that stage, and while the BPD diagnosis helps with getting treatment, and in all honesty it helped me realise I was not the highly strung evil person I thought I was. But, and it is a huge but, it goes nowhere near explaining the full complexity of me. It couldn't. But it does help.

And it got me here :)

Good luck with the DBT.

All the best,

Kim

 

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I got the diagnosis 7years ago when I was 34 I did not and do not want it I fought it for years which only made them say it more. I've been under the mental health team for 22 year I had cbt for anxiety for years I also have OCD, CPTSD, major depressive disorder and argorphobia and panic disorder then I got the label of bpd just another useless label which made it harder to get help. I had dbt which was a nightmare and re traumatised me and made me worse, I need trauma therapy but they can't do it as I'm to unstable so I get nothing. I still have my psychiatrist who said all I can do is take meds and hope for the best. Bpd is the worst label to get if I'm honest it leaves you being seen as a hopeless case there is no help. I have a private therapist now who is amazing who helps me just be here now and focus on now and getting though each day. I have six children two of whom are adults are now both with degrees and good jobs, I also have three autistic sons and another daughter. Life is stressful if I'm honest I still get suicidal urges I still self harm I spend days in bed I panic so much I can barely drive or be alone but I've accepted it as this is it. If they don't give you a label be glad as it doesn't necessarily mean they will help you. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi again,

Well I have had my first DBT session. The doc said it would be more of an educational session to lay the foundations for what's to come. We've started with looking at emotions, what they are, what their functions are, why I feel I shouldn't express them, how I experience emotions at a much higher level than others and take longer to recover from them, how I was predisposed to be like this and so on. I'm keeping a thought record this week too.  It was fine it was educational but obviously doesn't really take me forward yet but I get that it's a process not a quick fix. My emotions are so raw at the minute. I literally feel in pain everyday so it's hard at the minute. Anyway, that's where I'm at, just thought I'd post an update. 

Cagney X 

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Thanks for the update Cagney.

That actually sounds really helpful. Education can be really helpful in understanding yourself and can bring you forward with things. Thought records can be useful, I really should start keeping one again for my sessions.

Yea, therapy takes time to work, it will get better, I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling great at the minute. it will pass and things will improve.

Forest

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Hi, me again.

wondered if you would allow me to vent a minute! My therapist has cancelled our last 2 sessions, both on the day itself and both within hours of the appointment itself. Am I being OTT (because let's face it I'm no longer sure which emotions are mine anymore and which are the disorders) to be mightily pissed off? I just think first of all it lacks professionalism but mainly I just think it's hugely ignorant possibly ironic for a BPD therapist to do this. She must know that I wasn't just going to go "okay thanks for that then" and return to my day! Both times I acted in the way a person with no fucking coping mechanism would do, I acted out or should that be in? She cancelled the latest appointment on Thursday saying she would contact me the next day. She didn't. I've started looking around for other therapists but they are just so difficult to find.  So I just feel worse than usual at the moment, I can feel myself slipping further into an abyss. I'm always being told I don't know how to ask for help but is it any wonder if on the occasions I do I'm met with apathy by the very people who are sposed to help. Rant over. 

Cagney X 

 

 

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Your therapist doesn't seem very good, it's really not acceptable to be cancelling on you like that. Especially at such short notice, things happen but come on.

I don't think you're being OTT, you seem like your being reasonable to me. I would be pissed off. I don't disagree with anything you have said, it's ignorant, unprofessional, and not good enough.

If you are paying for this therapist, I would stop, and I would probably cancel the next session with the same amount of notice they gave you, that probably isn't healthy, but I can't resist a little revenge now and then, it certainly makes me feel better even if it shouldn't.

Hope your rant made you feel a bit better, if you need any help just name it, simple as that, doesn't need to be complicated :-P.

Forest

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Thanks Forest. The idea of like for like revenge does make me smile... Though doubt she'll be reaching for the vodka bottle and razor blades in quite the same way! 

Thanks for validating my anger. Means a lot 

Cagney X 

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No, but it will probably annoy her, waste a bit of her time and deprive her of some income, so you get a bit of a win. Leave the blades, and go easy on the vodka, just because you have a right to be angry doesn't mean you have to direct it at yourself, you don't deserve that.

Forest

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi again,

just thought I'd give a little update again. Finally returned to my psychologist .  She apologised for all of the interruptions to the therapy and I'm over it now lol. I looked for an alternative therapist but there is literally no one around here who covers DBT. Anyway we are back on track now so it's okay. So we are still working on emotion regulation in sessions, and been doing a lot of fact checking thoughts and challenging thoughts. When I get one of my mad thoughts she makes me write it down and write evidence for and against it. It's good stuff and easy enough to do when I'm not being completely irrational.   I find it really difficult to do when something triggers me though but I guess practice is the key. Had a great example last week when my original therapist emailed me to say she would no longer treat me once I'm through with DBT as was the original idea . I am now left wondering what it was that scared  her off. Would love to know what I did but she won't explain. Swear to god some of these therapists need reminding of the basics sometimes. The amount of people Who have said their therapist stopped seeing them is unbelievable. Are we pariahs? So abandonment and rejection are my two best friends at the moment. Apparently I am just to sit with them and allow them to be. Ehh it's all good fun this isn't it! 

Cagney x

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Good to hear from you Cagney, thanks for the update. Glad things are back on track.

Seems like you are working through some good stuff :). Yea, practice and it will get easier, I had the same thing when I was doing a similar exercise.

That's crap that your therapist won't treat you after the DBT, but maybe it is for the best, there are a lot of good therapists out there, and sometimes a fresh perspective on things is really helpful.

Hope you don't feel so abandoned and rejected soon, they are horrible emotions :(, they will pass in time.

All the best

Forest

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