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Eureka!

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Hello everyone...this is my very first post, I would like anyone who reads this to know that this comes from a good place, but I'm hurting very badly right now, and so any advice, views, etc, would be most extremely welcome, and so Ty in advance all:) 

Ok, this is about someone in my life whom I've known a great many years, we used to be inseparable and shared a very close bond. After a while, we moved away (as people do) and, although I tried the contact just dried up. After years of broken communication, I finally worked out something was amiss. My efforts in trying to find out was wrong were at best evaded and met with indifference. My friend eventually told me he suffers from m/h issues. He sometimes act as though we're still very close, others, it's as though I am a mere acquaintance. I am aware that his odd behaviour, is sadly part of his illness. Long story and rant short, I believe in my heart I've given all I have to offer, in our friendship.

I'm not proud of it, but, after months of not entirely knowing how the land lies, I've sent him email today, saying I know all isn't right, how I know at times I've not been as patient as I should have been (there have been rows and snide comments on both sides) but it's a two way street.

Am I wrong, that I see his dropping out of my life without explanation as a real betrayal of trust? He doesn't think it's an issue, I'm not sure how I ever get past it personally. He told me I'm taking things too personally, but it is only natural, when you keep getting blanked? I accept this is my problem....I would like to know though, am I being harsh/unfair? My friends view is that a real friendship is something that can be picked up and carried on as normal, regardless of the length of time one has been absent for....I say people when close, both laugh and cry with each other. I have trust issues as it is, I'm simply afraid of being dropped again, I'd like to invest in our bond, but am unsure if or how I can.

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Hi Eureka,

I won't and can't comment on the fairness or the right and wrongs of what you did. It's an intensely personal issue. I think what matters is how you feel. In this case, betrayed, abandoned. I get it, I really do.

I tend to polarise people, which I believe is a very common trait with people who have BPD. For me, friends are either Saints or Sinners......and, sometimes, the slightest thing can evoke in me intense feelings of mistrust, hurt, abandonment etc.

For such a long time I thought this was the correct way to view people. The grey area just did not exist in my way of thinking. I'm learning slowly that every single person I meet is dealing with a life that is at least as complex as me and is not always able or capable of meeting my demands. Nor should they.

As I say, this is just me and I'm not say what you did was right or wrong. How could I?

I do hope you manage to salvage your friendship; I've lost so many, through my thinking and actions it's tragic.

All the best,

Kim

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I'm sorry, but are you saying that there's a chance I have Bpd? Ty, I've suspected for years it might be th case, but have always dismissed myself, whenever the thought became conscious. I am seeing my Gp in a coupla weeks (booked apt earlier) I've no idea how one even goes about being diagnosed for "all this kind of thing" I'll do some reading n looking on here. Kind regards:)

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Hi Eureka

No, I'm not saying you have BPD as I have absolutely no way of telling nor am I qualified to say it. 

I was talking purely from experience, my experience. 

But the fact you're questioning your own behaviour patterns is a good thing as it can only lead to self knowledge. 

Kim

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