Why do I feel possessed by a fictional character?

[loverofcreation]

I made him up when I was 2 or 3. Maybe even younger. I've always felt as if he was a real person and his ghost possesses me. I want to look like him (he wasn't attractive), dress like him, and do the things he did...he was a nerdy guy who got killed when he was 30. His persona is set in the 1910's. Sometimes I get daydreams of his life and the town he lived in, and I get a sick feeling in my stomach. 

From a young age I'd identify as him and my parents were freaked out about this. I'd have dreams and even false memories of being him as well. Sometimes I cry over his death as if he were a friend who died. When he does appear in dreams, it wakes me up for some reason. The first time I dreamt of him I was 1 or 2, I was dreaming of random kiddy things, then suddenly the dream went from that to that 1910's town and a close up of him, he smiled but had weird eyes as if he was hyperthyroid or something so it was a little frightening - his eyes were also magnified under his glasses. I woke up after that sweating.

When I was younger I'd sometimes wake up to 'see' his wife lying on the other side of my bed when I woke up. She was clothed each time, in a dress, and she had black hair. She vanished a second or so later. 

I have no idea why I either feel like this guy or want to be him. I feel lost, like I don't belong. I don't recognize my face, voice or my body. Also, the further away from the early 1900's the world gets, the more hopeless and depressed I feel. I hate technology, and that isn't by choice. I literally feel like I am genuinely 'missing' something. 

[ForestP]

Hi loverofcreation

So, firstly bear in mind that this is a forum of people who try to help each other from experience, rather than from a professional perspective, as such what I say is my opinion and nothing more. Other people can give their opinion but please remember to take them as such.

It's impressive that you could make up a 30 year old guy from 1910 when you were 2 or 3. My suspicion is that the details of this character have been built up over time, rather like how a novel builds up a profile a character over a book or several of them, memories are strange, they can get all mixed up and within your mind time isn't linear, this is especially apparent when remembering dreams as you have no fixed reference points to use an associations.

Do you feel this character is destructive in any way? Does he do anything that you object to or feel defies your morals? Are you afraid of him? How do you feel about yourself?

Seems to me that you may be adapting your beliefs to confirm to the earlier established beliefs you have about this character taking over you. I have a very scientific evidence based belief system, so in my opinion this is all a construct of your mind, as such you can de-construct it, should you have a desire to do so. I've had my demons literally follow me around, it wasn't an exorcist that got rid of them, but instead it was therapy that made them go away.

Best of luck working through this. Comments are appreciated.

Forest

[loverofcreation]

59 minutes ago, ForestP said:

Hi loverofcreation

So, firstly bear in mind that this is a forum of people who try to help each other from experience, rather than from a professional perspective, as such what I say is my opinion and nothing more. Other people can give their opinion but please remember to take them as such.

It's impressive that you could make up a 30 year old guy from 1910 when you were 2 or 3. My suspicion is that the details of this character have been built up over time, rather like how a novel builds up a profile a character over a book or several of them, memories are strange, they can get all mixed up and within your mind time isn't linear, this is especially apparent when remembering dreams as you have no fixed reference points to use an associations.

Do you feel this character is destructive in any way? Does he do anything that you object to or feel defies your morals? Are you afraid of him? How do you feel about yourself?

Seems to me that you may be adapting your beliefs to confirm to the earlier established beliefs you have about this character taking over you. I have a very scientific evidence based belief system, so in my opinion this is all a construct of your mind, as such you can de-construct it, should you have a desire to do so. I've had my demons literally follow me around, it wasn't an exorcist that got rid of them, but instead it was therapy that made them go away.

Best of luck working through this. Comments are appreciated.

Forest

Thanks for the reply. 

I agree that it is impressive, though I don't mean to brag. I developed earlier than usual, as I began to speak fully formed sentences at 9 months, and you could have a big conversation with me at that age. I loved to draw, as well. Actually, I recently drew the character we're speaking of now.

His original name wasn't Gemini but for a story I'm writing, his name is relevant to the story. 

Do I feel that he's destructive? Well, my parents sometimes harshly bash me for being different, that includes the way I dress, being open minded to things like race and LGBT. I'm not afraid of him, but I do feel sad for him, again, like a friend who died except it seems more personal than that yet I cannot comprehend it. 

As for the details, the first instance I recall accurately is that dream I had when I was 1 or 2, where I saw the town and a close up shot of his face. He looked around 30. He was wearing a black trench coat and a hat that looked like one of those tall black hats except it was shorter and more rounded. 

I had some kind of brain damage after I had seizures in utero so perhaps this affected my memory, since I have memories that couldn't possibly be true that I remember so vividly (remembering being in the womb, then being born, seeing blurry people around me, hearing muffled sounds) and also, a memory of dying, as this character. In fact the 'memory' of dying was so vivid I have a phobia of the thing that killed him. 

I get dejavu a lot, especially looking at old buildings built in that time period, like something 'draws' me to them. The best way I can describe the feeling is like seeing photos of yourself as a child, nostalgia? But that 'nostalgia' is followed by a nauseating feeling.

[ForestP]

I don't mean this at all in a rude way but have you spoken to a doctor about the brain damage? It would account for a lot of what you are describing and would be a very rational explanation for your experiences (the early memories and the artificial ones). It would also account the the dejavu and memory manipulation.

Being open minded about race and sexual preference isn't a bad thing, actually being open minded in general isn't a bad thing unless it puts yourself or others in danger.

Do you feel that this is causing you many problems in life? If it doesn't then my suggestions would be just to carry on and be happy. If it doesn't bother/hurt you and doesn't hurt anyone else then there really is no need to see this as an issue. Don't let other people tell you what is and isn't right, be yourself. Just make sure it's nothing that you need to be concerned about first - if you haven't already I strongly recommend speaking to your doctor about this.

Nice picture by the way.

Forest

[loverofcreation]

29 minutes ago, ForestP said:

I don't mean this at all in a rude way but have you spoken to a doctor about the brain damage? It would account for a lot of what you are describing and would be a very rational explanation for your experiences (the early memories and the artificial ones). It would also account the the dejavu and memory manipulation.

Being open minded about race and sexual preference isn't a bad thing, actually being open minded in general isn't a bad thing unless it puts yourself or others in danger.

Do you feel that this is causing you many problems in life? If it doesn't then my suggestions would be just to carry on and be happy. If it doesn't bother/hurt you and doesn't hurt anyone else then there really is no need to see this as an issue. Don't let other people tell you what is and isn't right, be yourself. Just make sure it's nothing that you need to be concerned about first - if you haven't already I strongly recommend speaking to your doctor about this.

Nice picture by the way.

Forest

I did, they did an MRI scan and they said the scar I had on my brain have faded. That scan was years ago. 

 

My mother believes gays, other races, are not 'normal' and are 'weird'. So that is why being pro LGBT is a ''bad'' thing to her. 

Do I feel it's causing me problems? I feel depressed a lot because I feel like this isn't my body or my face etc. Hence why I used the term I feel like I am ''possessed'' for lack of a better word. As I said the only problems it does cause are rants from my mother and occasionally people comment on why I style my hair and dress like it's 100 years ago.

 

As for the picture, thank you. 

[Kimboski]

Hi LOC,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find some peace here.

It does seem that what you are going through is very complex. It must be extremely disorientating and frustrating.

May I ask if you're currently under some type of mental health help? Professional help, I mean. If so, what do they say about how you can help yourself and what treatments have the recommended. If it's the same course of treatment that others here are having they may be able to give you the benefit of their experience.

All the best,

Kim

 

[loverofcreation]

18 minutes ago, Kimboski said:

Hi LOC,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find some peace here.

It does seem that what you are going through is very complex. It must be extremely disorientating and frustrating.

May I ask if you're currently under some type of mental health help? Professional help, I mean. If so, what do they say about how you can help yourself and what treatments have the recommended. If it's the same course of treatment that others here are having they may be able to give you the benefit of their experience.

All the best,

Kim

 

I was diagnosed with depression ages ago but no meds help.

[ForestP]

Sorry my post is short, long day, very tired.

I strongly suggest having a chat to your Gp about this, they will know your medical history and point you in the correct direction. I know from experience that feeling like you are someone else, can make you do some dangerous things.

Best of luck

Forest

 

[Kimboski]

 

1 hour ago, loverofcreation said:

I was diagnosed with depression ages ago but no meds help.

Hi LOC,

Can I humbly suggest you do seek professional help asap. You seem to be suffering a lot and I think getting a proper, up to date, diagnosis and treatment plan will help you immensely.

I tried to 'go it alone' for many years.......and if anything it exacerbated my symptoms. I was in a lot of pain and just couldn't see a way out.

Getting professional help was the start of my road to recovery and management of my symptoms. It's a road I'm still on but I do feel better, helped, encouraged and, to a certain degree, empowered with the knowledge of exactly what was going on. Even on bad days, I know now that I am not alone and that help is there.

May I ask if there is something stopping you getting help or do you just feel you don't need it?

As forest rightly said (in my opinion), this is a great forum......where people care and help each other from their experiences. But, we can only offer opinion and encouragement not a proper treatment plan.

I wish you all the best of luck.

Kim

[loverofcreation]

7 minutes ago, Kimboski said:

 

Hi LOC,

Can I humbly suggest you do seek professional help asap. You seem to be suffering a lot and I think getting a proper, up to date, diagnosis and treatment plan will help you immensely.

I tried to 'go it alone' for many years.......and if anything it exacerbated my symptoms. I was in a lot of pain and just couldn't see a way out.

Getting professional help was the start of my road to recovery and management of my symptoms. It's a road I'm still on but I do feel better, helped, encouraged and, to a certain degree, empowered with the knowledge of exactly what was going on. Even on bad days, I know now that I am not alone and that help is there.

May I ask if there is something stopping you getting help or do you just feel you don't need it?

As forest rightly said (in my opinion), this is a great forum......where people care and help each other from their experiences. But, we can only offer opinion and encouragement not a proper treatment plan.

I wish you all the best of luck.

Kim

I don't feel like I need help.. but to talk about it eases my confusion I suppose. Anyway it'd just feel weird talking about this topic anywhere else. I'm nearly 21 and I feel like a fictional dude is possessing me..

[Kimboski]

1 minute ago, loverofcreation said:

10 minutes ago, Kimboski said:

 

I don't feel like I need help.. but to talk about it eases my confusion I suppose

Talking about it does help me too. And that's basically what therapy is in most cases.

[loverofcreation]

3 minutes ago, Kimboski said:

Talking about it does help me too. And that's basically what therapy is in most cases.

Yeah it does. 

I just want to know why I have memories of being a fictional character I made/want to become that character in basically all aspects. I have many other characters who are better than him more attractive than him but I don't feel about them emotionally as I do about this one.

 

I also asked my parents if I knew someone who looked like that and died and they said no, they don't recognize the character to be anyone I or they knew.

[Kimboski]

Yep, I do get what you're saying, I do.

Have you ever thought seeking help professionally just might get you the answers you want?

[loverofcreation]

1 minute ago, Kimboski said:

Yep, I do get what you're saying, I do.

Have you ever thought seeking help professionally just might get you the answers you want?

Well I'm booked to see a psychiatrist in a few months (long waiting list) and maybe I'll bring it up. i do feel a bit embarassed

[Kimboski]

I wish you all the best of luck on your journey.

Kim

[ForestP]

8 hours ago, loverofcreation said:

Well I'm booked to see a psychiatrist in a few months (long waiting list) and maybe I'll bring it up. i do feel a bit embarassed

Glad to hear it, seriously it's not as bad as people who have never seen one make out. I tend to come out of most of my apointments feeling like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Just be open and explain what is going through your head, and don't worry, they will have heard all sorts of things, this isn't going to phase them. No need to be embarassed, you should be proud of yourself for trying to resolve things rather than just ignoring them like a lot of people do.

Forest