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Another breakdown looms


4tt3nt4t

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Hi all.

I wanted to introduce and share a little about myself. I have BPD and accompanying stress, depression and addiction problems. I've just passed a trainee recovery broker course which I loved but it also heightened my anxiety and now I'm depressed and spend much of the day contemplating suicide. Although I enjoyed the course and tutors were impressed I felt not one iota of satisfaction on completion. I don't remember the last time I felt happy. Perhaps 10yrs ago now. My life-script still reads, "You've no right to live (unless you're perfect)".

The course is biopsychosocially based and most participants are in recovery themselves. I enjoyed the course I also suffer from depression every year, October to May. Although I was finally diagnosed a couple of years ago I've always been treated primarily as an addict. Consequentltly, the treatment I have had has often been misguided and caused more harm than good. There is no effective help available for BPD sufferers in Portsmouth.

My care plan focuses on my addiction and states the NHS are unwilling to help until I'm drug-free. The only meds I take are small doses of Diazepam and methadone which are no more psycho-active than SSRI's (which send me manic), anti-psychotics, mood stabilisers or alcohol. I am being descriminated against and need to tackle my principal illness before my coping skills. I hate benzos!

My next appointment with my psychiatric nurse is in 3mths time. Last time I waited 9mths. I desperately need support and cannot cope on my own. Each winter I keep a suicide kit handy and I think about it incessantly.only hope is to do the course which is organised by an advocacy group called PUSH. If I'm unable to cope I'll drop out before I have another breakdown and although they have no direct experience of supporting BPD sufferers I'm sure I'm not the only one and I feel they're the best hope of my getting some support.

Does anyone else please have any advice as to where I can get affordable BPD-orientated therapy or support as I'm completely on my own? I experience breakdowns, on average, twice a year .

 

Sincerely,

Keith

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Hi Keith,

i am sorry you seem to be going through the mill at the moment. I know, from experience, how hard it really is to wait for help with BPD....especially when there are addiction issues as well. I've fought long and hard to try and get some help with both.

I've always found it unhelpful, at best, and demeaning to be labelled an addict and then 'thrown to the wind' to fend for myself.

This place is a great start to getting some support, or at least empathy, but please don't give up the fight to get the proper, clinical, help you need and deserve.

I wish you all the best.

Kim

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