BPD - Caring Husband

[J-J]

Hi,

I have recently been reading about BPD and I am convinced this is something my wife suffers from. She experiences most of the known symptoms regularly. I have been researching mental health as it is having a negative impact on our marriage.

The thing I am having difficulty with is suggesting to her that she may have BPD and encouraging her to visit her GP to discuss it. I don't want her to think I am pointing the finger at her or blaming her.

Can anybody offer any advice on the best way top go about this?

Thank you so much in advance for any replies. It's such a relief finding this forum and a community where I can discuss such issues. 

[ialwaysknew]

My mom has BPD for sure. But it goes un-diagnosed and she's fully in denial.

I also have BPD and I've been diagnosed and all the doctors I talk to says my mom has it even though they haven't met her.

It's worth it even if she doesn't go to the doctor, but YOU go. You go and tell them her symptoms and then they'll give you advice on whether she has BPD or not.

In a marriage, where there is trust and honesty, you should be able to talk to your wife about this kind of stuff. If you feel like she will take it the wrong way and doesn't allow for open communication about something as serious as a mood disorder / mental illness, then maybe there are deeper problems.

I personally would have been SOOOOOO GRATEFUL if someone told me they thought I had BPD instead of me finding out through a decade of discovery and struggle.

[papipapi]

J-J, I am in the same boat. I can't offer a solution, just sympathy. Right now I can't even imagine telling my partner about his BPD, though he would benefit so much from treatment, as would I and our son. But I'm actively researching BPD, support groups, and therapy for myself so I can eventually figure out a way to get him to treatment. 

Like you, I'm very glad that I found this forum. 

[mostlyagreeable]

On 10/27/2016 at 1:49 AM, J-J said:

The thing I am having difficulty with is suggesting to her that she may have BPD and encouraging her to visit her GP to discuss it. I don't want her to think I am pointing the finger at her or blaming her.

Can anybody offer any advice on the best way top go about this?

I have BPD. There was nothing more relieving than to receive my diagnosis. Knowing allowed me to move forward. I knew the "problem" I needed to work with.

I think, if you wanted to tell her, you should point out some of the positive parts of BPD. Because of the intense emotions, I cry all the time at happy things. I can place myself in other's shoes really well when they're feeling emotional, too, and many BPD people are known to be empathetic. Creativity, curiousity, individuality/uniqueness are all traits I've also seen in other people with BPD.

Make sure you both understand that BPD isn't a negative trait, it's a flux that comes from experiences over life that add up to a specialised/abnormal way of thinking.

In my experience, cognitive therapy (talk therapy) isn't all too helpful for me. It just gives me an in-person diary with no consequence. Dialectal Behavioral Therapy is where it's at, in my opinion. It's hard to accept that you want to change yourself for the better, and it can be even harder when another person wants you to change you for the better. I wouldn't press her to go into DBT, but maybe gently suggest it as something you've heard of that could help once she starts talking about it to you about her potential BPD.

 

Good luck, continue to be loving and kind to your BPD wife.