Khristina Posted December 15, 2016 Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 So, I've been struggling with my emotions and pretty much everything inside my brain for the past 3/4 years. But more so, within the last 2 years. My mother about a year ago mentioned about herself having borderline personality disorder. And me being me, I shrugged my shoulders and just carried on living my life really. *sounds horrible to just carry on living my life after your Mothers just told you that. But let's just say my Mother is my trauma, and have great difficulty communicating with her so have just given up* during this time of 2016, my life has been a rollercoaster. To having a boyfriend, having great relationships with friends and family, saving to attend college and paid for all by myself.. to having no boyfriend, 2 friends because I removed myself from everyone including my family, spending all of my money saved for college *also spending money that my aunt gave me towards college that covered all costs* on drugs, and almost loosing my job. My life felt like a complete wreck, and it was all by me doing so. This all happened within the space of 7 weeks. After that, I ended up getting back with my boyfriend, completely removed myself from the two friends I had and made contact with old friends, rekindled relationships with family and had got my fianances on track. I had stopped completely doing drugs and everything seemed fine. The friendship with the 2 friends had a huge link to drugs, and removing myself from them two had really ruined my head what felt like mentally and emotionally. To the point, of seeing them after 2 months and almost feeling like I was going to pass out whilst being on a night out with friends. I literally ran away from the situation, and sat in an alley until my friend found me and managed to get me to move to her house. I had just sat there in complete shock. I couldn't move. I was extremely scared to move. So I went on holiday after that, which gave me a chance to think a little clearer on what had happened, but in actual fact. It just made my mind more confused and jumbled. Probably since I removed myself from the two friends and sorting my life out, I've been completely and utterly questioned by every emotion I have. I've recently been studying more into personality disorder, and have read article after article and have had the same answers to symptoms, quizzes everything! I'm extremely scared to go to the doctors, and have recently told my boyfriend that I think I may suffer from this disorder. But just like everything else I think I have, he doesn't believe I have it. What shall I do? Pluck up the courage and get a real diagnosis so that my boyfriend can understand me more. Or to just leave it, and try to live a normal life? Someone please give me advice, I've only told him and would love to speak to someone who also is diagnosed with this disorder too! I constantly feel like I'm stuck inside my head, and just want someone to climb in and sort everything out so I can just carry on living my life without having to deal with any emotions whatsoever. P.s there's more to my story about my life, and briefly can tell you I've come from an extremely broken home that's effected me massively even at the age of 20. My parents unfortunately broke up, and I was stuck completely in the middle to then to be emotionally used and abused by each of them. And then to be completely abandoned and to fend for myself with no mother or father guidance within life. I'm completely struggling with this, and just want help. But without having to dig deep in emotional pain :'( please help! Thank you in advance to anyone who replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmmJay Posted January 29, 2017 Report Share Posted January 29, 2017 If you are struggling I would definitely go and seek advice! Although it took 17 years of being in and out of the CMHT for me to actually get a BPD diagnosis (although some of that was my teenage years and so I was told it was "hormones" and I was fine). Professionals can offer you with help and advice and maybe refer you on for some therapy? I totally understand about the sorting the head out and no emotions thing- wish that was possible! But I am currently in therapy and am learning to live with my emotions and its going so well. Maybe someone can help you like I have been? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethH14 Posted February 4, 2017 Report Share Posted February 4, 2017 Hi Khristina, I have BPD, diagnosed about 2 years ago. My mother is for sure BPD but she won't get help and her mother was also BPD! I was brought up with both parents being mentally ill. Well done for what you have achieved. You have taken a great leap with distancing yourself from your mother and the bad influences. Really well done, that takes great courage and insight to do that. I have been on therapy since by diagnosis and at first thought it could never help. But it has changed my life. Sometimes it's worse as I am now more aware of the craziness. Get help. Don't give up. If you see one doctor and they don't see eye to eye go to another! !! When I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue I fought 4 years for a diagnosis. Don't give up. Get information, all you can. Start to love yourself and take care of yourself. Love Elizabeth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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