Alex Davies

I've fallen into a hole / Depersonalization

3 posts in this topic

Hello,

I am a 20 year old male. Since I was about 15 I have been struggling with depression and more recently anxiety. 

I am now at a point where I am completely confused about human beings and why I'm here / who I am. I feel like I'm living in a dream where I am constantly trying to figure out life and meaning. 

I have a job that I'm quite good at although it is hard he motivated almost every day. I feel better when I'm there, but when I get home to my family it scares me because o should feel more comfortable around them but ever since I slipped into this weird frame of mind I can't be around them as it makes me feel more mentally fucked up. Sometimes I look at them and don't even recognise them. 

Few things to note:

-I spent a year or two taking ecstasy at raves on weekends 

-My first serious girlfriend tried to Kill herself when I cheated on her (I didn't feel much sympathy when this happened)

-I've caused my family a lot of stress in the last 5 years, drug and money related (payday loan debts). 

-I've never been addicted to drugs but I am addicted to smoking and gambling 

-I've been stressed for the last 5 years constantly. 

I had a panic attack for the first time October 2016 and since then it has been a huge downwards spiral in terms of anxiety. 

Can anybody give me some advice please? The feeling of not being real is the most scary thing. Anxiety attacks I could almost deal with but feeling like I am in a dream is scary as fuck. 

Cheers 

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Hey and welcome. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. It might be really obvious, but have you been to see your GP and asked for advice? They might be able to help you with medication/referral to other services if needed. It can be helpful to find out what causes anxiety in order to learn how to deal with it long-term. I wish you well.

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Hello Alex,

It sounds like there's been a lot of suffering going on in your life that is circumstantial. All of these money, gambling, drug, health and relationship problems are effecting you even if it doesn't seem like it on the surface. Also the feeling of not being real is often seen as a coping method. This way reality doesn't seem as bad as it is. 

Please write a list of your thoughts, feelings and any recent actions that you consider dangerous or out of character. Try not to dwell on all of the negatives too much as this can be upsetting to do, but know that you are doing this as step 1 to helping yourself. Then please make an appointment with your local GP, give them this list and express your concerns. 

You might need some medication to assist your mood, therapy to find out the underlying problems and help you understand yourself more. While 1 to 1 help on a weekly basis would be ideal too.

Simply talking about problems is a difficult thing to do especially for men in modern society. We all need to express our feelings and thoughts to better understand them. The hardest step for myself was to admit there was a problem and then to get the courage to seek help. 

All the best and please update us if you have any additional concerns.

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