Idolizing and Idealizing (BPD)

[Mattiks]

My husband and I both have mental health problems and can't hold jobs right now. We're broke and might be moving in with my mother in law. In the past, she has been a horrible person and my husband cut all contact with her. I hadn't met her until after we'd been married for a year. My brother in law swears up and down that she's changed, but we're still just starting to form a new relationship with her.

In the past, I have very strongly disliked her. I met the "changed" her only yesterday. She seemed really nice and even reminded me of my own mom. I'm very worried that she will now slide to the other end of my love-hate scale and that I'll start to idolize and idealize her.

What tools can I use to have a healthier relationship with her? Keep in mind that I will have to learn as I go.

[Saharah Blue]

Perhaps, consider that we do not judge our thoughts, there are just thoughts.

Perhaps consider just as we want to be okay and even happy, so does she.

Perhaps consider that we can't change the past, but we are capable of making good decision, right now in this very moment.

Mattiks, these are just some thoughts that have sprung to mind. Tell us how you are getting on?

 

[Cagney]

Hi Mattiks, 

I have this fear when I meet  new people who I instantly feel I like. I have done it with a past therapist too and I am forever terrified of doing it again. I try to see them as a whole person, warts and all. So when they do something I don't like I really take a good hard look at it. I don't try to find excuses for them but I am relieved that there is something there I don't like and this helps to balance it out sometimes. I try to remember they are not perfect and if I told them everything about me they would run a mile! Lol. 

Good luck .

Cagney