bella12 Posted April 6, 2017 Report Share Posted April 6, 2017 hi, i would like to hear your thoughts and views on my past.Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a year.He's hasnt done anything wrong in the relationship at all.I started to fuck up by telling mini lies which was stupid of me.he forgave me.Then i lied again about my past then he forgave me but he would say horrible stuff like "oh you will never be happy in your life what the fuck did i do to deserve this ?, you will live and die alone you fake bitch" I begged him to give me a chance and he gave mulitple chances.ive tried to stop but 2 days ago i technically hid the fact that i spoke to a guy (nothing flirty ) and i kind of didnt want to talk about it as he already warned me i should be prestige . i was telling him something about what happened about how the guy 'must of heard' me say something when he actually heard me . Then my boyfriend was mad saying you could of just said you spoke to him so i said yeah he heard me and thats why i said something back.My boyfriend got mad at me for lying and said you lied to me again , your a fake bitch and i understand where hes coming from because he really wanted this to be his last relationship as he loved me so much.Everytime we got in a fight because i messed up, i'd always attempt to self harm because he doesn't deserve what i put him through this .Sometimes even when i was happy in this relationship i would have these thoughts about how i dont know who i am anymore.Before i was in this relationship i had this phase where i would never stop crying and i just didnt know why.My boyfriend really means everything to me.I hate the idea of just being alone because it mentally destroys me.I really just want to start new with him but i feel i have bpd ? The fact that it was ME who ruined everything we had makes me cry nearly everyday and i sometimes think about self harming. Can you please help me ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted April 6, 2017 Report Share Posted April 6, 2017 it sounds like he is fed up with the lying. Trust is an easy thing to lose and a very hard thing to rebuild. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bella12 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2017 i know it is,the lying has caused him to hate me but i know deep down he loves me,What should i do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted April 7, 2017 Report Share Posted April 7, 2017 Bella, I am sure that is really for him to decide how long he feels he wants to keep the relationship going. Because really we all know the respectful thing to do is not lie to people we love. It may sound harsh but he will end things when he has had enough. To me it sounds like you are trying to push him away and test him. Maybe you feel like you don't deserve the relationship to begin with or your not ready to be serious, or even you don't know how to break up. Most of us can understand you wanting to keep his attention or keep it going. But, few of us would see a loving situation coming from a good heartfelt intention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bella12 Posted April 7, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2017 thanks saharah blue for the advice.Im trying to work on myself by valuing everyone I love by being honest.He did tell when hes had enough he will leave me but yesterday he felt so bad so he called up saying hes sorry for not being nice and he loves me. I respect the fact that he's been with me even if i made the same mistake over and over again.Grateful.But when he goes i just get so depressed and the idea of me being alone kills me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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