Help. Mental health diagnosis problem

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I've been sleeping less, creating projects to never finish them, I've had so many ideas and I'm the most confident person I know at the moment I feel so attractive and it's great. I decided shopping was a great idea and I've spent so much money but right now I don't care. So what? I know it's coming, this happens and I know it's going to run out at some point and I'm going to wake up and all of this will feel like I was drunk. But so what? I like it. I've realised that this feels better than the person that wishes she never woke up. I can't even tell anyone because what do I say? I'm being treated for depression and anxiety but now I can't stop talking I'm even talking to myself. I can go without eating but I still eat because I love the taste everything tastes great but I'm not hungry and I have nothing to do because of my social anxiety but the shop is only five minutes away and I will spent twenty pound there because I love spending money even if it is only on chocolate and sweets and I will come home and share. In the space of five short days I have planned a future. I have had the best days in such a long time. I left the house, saw some family, went out with my boyfriend for food and shopping and yeah I might have been a bit excited but I could wake up tomorrow and want to die. My gp referred me to mind mental health service I had my telephone assessment today and after forty minutes on the phone the woman told me they couldn't help. As soon as I told her I've noticed I've had symptoms of mania She said she will have to consult her supervisor because they only provide therapy not diagnosis (I get that) but she thinks I'm not fit for their services because she doesn't think I have just got depression. What happens now? I'm back in square one. Just feel upset because I'm getting sent back and forth .

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Hello Bunnygirl18,

I can relate to many of the things you have mentioned and sympathise for what you are going through. There's nothing worse than seeking help only to be dissapointed with the service or sent back and forth. Also, I just want to point out that i'm not a healthcare professional but I've been dealing with my own depression and generalized anxiety since 2014. Over this time, I've learnt a lot about myself and mental health in general. 

Sleeping less can be a symptom of depression. Many people think those suffering with depression only sleep more and while this is often the case, lack of sleep is also common. Especially because anxiety is typically related to depression and this can cause excessive worrying, resulting in lack of sleep.

A lack of focus is also a symptom of depression although it's also common with many other things including lifestyle circumstances and personality traits. I can relate to this one as i'm constantly starting new projects only to never finish them. It's frustrating.

I'm glad you are feeling confident but beware if it get's out of control or if your mood suddenly changes. High self-confidence can be dangerous too. I'm typically shy and lacking confidence but looking back i went through a phase of having sex with strangers. This is extremely unlike me but the affection from another made me feel valued for a short while. During this time, i also shown my penis to some of my female friends while they were around for drinks. They encouraged it but it isn't like me at all to be that confident or reckless and i regret it to this day. 

Shopping is one of the biggest problems related to mental health. This is common symptom of depression as we spend money for that little sense of satisfaction that we get from buying things. I too had a spending addiction that got out of control and caused debts. Money management is one of the few things mental health services never seem to ask about or give assistance with. At least you are self-aware that you are doing this but the mindset of not caring about consequences is the main area of concern.

Talking to yourself is a coping method. Your brain is trying to problem solve while expressing emotion. This is why most kids often talk to themselves as it is a form of self-therapy and development. Don't be too worried about it and try to encourage deeper thinking during this time.

From what you have described it sounds like you have depression and anxiety. From what you mentioned about mania this could be a sign of Bipolar but it might not be. There are many forms of Bipolar and just like depression, it's different for each person. Also please try not to panic because of the stigma related with Bipolar. If it turns out this is this case, then it's better to know than to struggle in the dark.

I would recommend trying to talk about all of these thoughts and feelings with your GP again. It might help if you can take some time bullet point some of these thoughts and feelings to address what you are experiencing. Please also try to be truthful and open. I know from personal experience it can be hard to talk about things especially voices, bad thoughts and suicide but unfortunately you need to often stress the urgency and severity of the situation to get the required help.

I would also recommend any other Therapy groups that may be available to you in your area. Specifically to look at CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to try to understand why you are feeling and thinking these ways and how to help you understand and adjust to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Finally, if you have those bad days that you mentioned of feeling like you want to die. Contact your GP, your local hospital or give Samaritans a call. You can also email them.

I sincerely hope things improve and please add to this thread if you have anything further to talk about.

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