Jump to content
Mental Health Forums

BPD and ASPD


crustybob

Recommended Posts

Does anyone else have an ASPD partner? It can be hell at times (a very few times), but generally it's far more beneficial than the kind of saccharine "Oh you poor thing I feel for you" that you get from NTs - such reactions merely feed our weaknesses and impede the development of our strengths. I've been reading a number of comments here along the lines of "What's hardest for you about being BPD?" and it seems the most common response is "trust". ASPDs are honest (brutally honest); once they've committed, they're also unswervingly loyal. As for the rest: 

Abandon/rejection. Of course you fear she might walk out on you. An ASPD will have no sentimental compunction on turning her back on anyone who doesn't shape up. But if you make an effort to shape up, she'll stick with you through thick and thin. Of course there are limits. But she'll let you know what they are and do her best to help you keep within those limits.

Interpersonal instability. They are very grounded. There's not much room for self-deception in yer average ASPD: what you see is what you get. She won't let you idealise her (at the start of your relationship, she'll shoot every flight of romanticised fancy down in flames as soon as it crosses your lips. Zero tolerance for cheesy Love Story tropes), but she fights to the death to disbar devalorisation. When she's committed to you, she will never let you throw yourself to the gnawing rats of suspected resentment and bitterness. What she has against you, she tells you; if she doesn't tell you, then there's nothing there to tell. Now give over with your nonsense.

Identity. She has no time for self-dramatisation and self-narration. BPD is a disorder precisely because we tell ourselves stories in which we're either hero or villain (or both at once), and those stories torment us. Who am I, am I the same person I was yesterday, will I be the same person tomorrow, in ten years, WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME?). An ASPD doesn't tell herself stories about her life - she's alive, and she continues being alive until she stops. End of (non) story. She lives in the moment, which is followed by another moment, and ainsi de suite. Her "identity" is merely being one body that subsists from one moment to the next, one experience to the next (for those of you of a metaphysical bent, ASPDs are the great perdurers. They don't give a flying bat's poop about "finding out who they really are and being the same person throughout the various changes of life". Again, WYSIWYG and there's an end ont'). 

Impulsivity. The drug-fuelled sexual excesses of your past are just part of who you are. She doesn't judge. And she's done as much anyway (or much the same). She stopped because of the kids, because she's also very responsible. And she requires equal responsibility from you. And you think about it, and realise she's quite right. We're responsible for those whose wellbeing depends on us.This can be a hard concept for BPDs to grasp (see above: the story's about ME ME ME isn't it?). Well, no, it isn't. You have kids, you start a new chapter. Live with it. For her, the kids are HERS and she looks out for what's hers against the slings, arrows, and pitchforks of outrageous fortune and peasantry alike.

Suicide and shit. Don't be so dramatic. Now shut up and get the supper. The kids (see above) need feeding. 

Emotional instability, euphoria/dysphoria, anxiety. WTF, she's chosen you, you're the most fantastic guy ever (why? Because she's chosen you to share her life, of course) and all she wants is the calm & happiness to enjoy her chosen life with her chosen partner to the fullest. So shut the fuck up and be happy, damn you (though lay off the euphorisant products while the kids are around). OK, so you do bring her an emotional intensity that can at times pierce her Olympian detachment, but she'll soon beat that out of you. But then again, play it the right way and she will from time to time warm her toes at the fires of your aesthetic intensity. If it's a matter of going into ecstatic raptures in the face of her manifold moral, intellectual, and physical perfections. However, while irate fireballs might pierce her armour, they aren't appreciated, and you learn to stop flinging them just because you got out of bed the wrong side.

Chronic emptiness. That's enough of that nonsense. You're just bored, go set fire to something - no, not that spliff. We still have kids. And no, not the kids either. 

Rage, Chronic anger. Sudden explosive arguments because of who makes the coffee. You see this rolling pin? Now get a grip on yourself.

Paranoia, persecution. Stop that right now or you'll have a reason to feel persecuted. You're pretty fucking amazing (after all, I chose you, who the hell are you to cast doubts on my choice?). I love you, now shut the hell up and get on with it (the kids still haven't been fed). 

Intimacy. You're mine. Now come here and stop being such a wuss.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Can someone explain to me how you can have both of these? Because, from what I understand if ASPD is basically when you lack basic emotions and BPD is when you feel emotions to strongly, how do you have both? I’m just curious… I feel like people with ASPD are sometimes very good at convincing peope they are in pain but it is just to manipulate they are not capable of feeling bad for people… Most the time at least.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, danielcroos said:

Can someone explain to me how you can have both of these? Because, from what I understand if ASPD is basically when you lack basic emotions and BPD is when you feel emotions to strongly, how do you have both? I’m just curious… I feel like people with ASPD are sometimes very good at convincing peope they are in pain but it is just to manipulate they are not capable of feeling bad for people… Most the time at least.

Hi danielcroos,

I reckon it's probably when you flip between the two from time to time. One day, you may be really emotional; the next, you feel nothing about the same thing.

Much love <3

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...