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Worried about an old friend


C0ncernedFriend

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I have known this guy (which I'll refer to from here as M) for many years now, and as long as I've known him he's been severely depressed.  I don't know whether this is normal, but with him it seems to come in waves, he'll disappear for a long while and then reappear when he's feeling up to it.  It was after I introduced him to a friend of mine (let's call her F) a number of years ago that we started drifting apart.  M really got on well with F and she with him, connecting over their encyclopedic knowledge's of all things nerdy.  A problem is that he fell for her, and she didn't feel the same way (she was already in a relationship).  After they'd each made their feelings clear, they resumed their friendship - but apparently he always held a candle for her.  A couple of years later he got drunk (I'm fairly sure he's an alcoholic) and confessed his feelings to her again.  This drove her away for a time, and he disappeared once again.  

We've recently all reconnected, but I know he's in a bad way because F tells me he's just recently sent her some really worrying texts saying how lonely he is.  I'm feeling a bit clueless, I have no idea what I could do to help him.  I don't feel like we're really that close anymore, and he's hopelessly inactive - the only way to get him out of his house is drink.  I'm not sure that going out for a drink with them both is a great idea given his probable alcoholism, and I don't know if his being around F (who he gets along with a lot better with than me these days) is a good idea either...  

I'm worried he might do something stupid.  Any advice would be welcome.

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23 hours ago, C0ncernedFriend said:

I have known this guy (which I'll refer to from here as M) for many years now, and as long as I've known him he's been severely depressed.  I don't know whether this is normal, but with him it seems to come in waves, he'll disappear for a long while and then reappear when he's feeling up to it.  It was after I introduced him to a friend of mine (let's call her F) a number of years ago that we started drifting apart.  M really got on well with F and she with him, connecting over their encyclopedic knowledge's of all things nerdy.  A problem is that he fell for her, and she didn't feel the same way (she was already in a relationship).  After they'd each made their feelings clear, they resumed their friendship - but apparently he always held a candle for her.  A couple of years later he got drunk (I'm fairly sure he's an alcoholic) and confessed his feelings to her again.  This drove her away for a time, and he disappeared once again.  

We've recently all reconnected, but I know he's in a bad way because F tells me he's just recently sent her some really worrying texts saying how lonely he is.  I'm feeling a bit clueless, I have no idea what I could do to help him.  I don't feel like we're really that close anymore, and he's hopelessly inactive - the only way to get him out of his house is drink.  I'm not sure that going out for a drink with them both is a great idea given his probable alcoholism, and I don't know if his being around F (who he gets along with a lot better with than me these days) is a good idea either...  

I'm worried he might do something stupid.  Any advice would be welcome.

Hi C0ncernedFriend,

I want to start by saying thank you - many people who suffer from mental health issues don't feel like they have someone looking out for them. It's good to know that there are people like you helping M out! <3

I would advise getting him to go to the GP and getting an assessment. The GP will give him medication and a referral to psychiatric professionals who can diagnose him and give him professional cognitive and psychological help with depression and alcoholism. Tell M that it hurts you to see him like this, and you want him to feel better like you used to? The alcohol will also need to stop as well - he's merely escaping from the pain of reality, rather than sort out his feelings or issues.

For his loneliness, perhaps he could join a support group in the local area, or get involved in a group activity like volunteering?

You may also want to contact Mind (Mental Health Organisation) for further advice.

Much love <3

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