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I feel like I'm going to kill someone and I'm scared


loverofcreation

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When I was young, my mother told me to stay away from nerds and that nerds aren't normal so stop hanging with ''stupid nerds''. as I got older I grew to hate nerds since I discovered that I enjoyed bullying them emotionally and fantasize about doing it physically (wont go into detail) i tried to befriend a nerd named Joe and he was a really nice guy but i felt embarrassed seeing him like i was naughty for hanging around nerds like Joe.

i seem to get angry at nerds being popular, for example even if it's a cartoon nerd that a lot of people like, that'll annoy me and anger me. It also very much angers me when nerds are making my day to day life be much more scary than it already is for example drones, nuclear bombs, computerized cars that can runaway due to a computer glitch, IOT, among other things and nerds are the ones who push these things i don't view nerds as good. maybe nerds were good in the early 1900s when they were contributing medicines but now? I think nerds are bad.. I was getting so stressed out with my hatred and also I'm in my house I'm now allowed to show emotions if I do I get degraded and I've had enough passive aggression today as it is even when i see my doctor whose a nerd (and by nerd i mean he looks the part too) i feel uncomfortable and just seeing one walking down the street makes me feel ''grossed out''? and just uncomfortable.

I'll have fantasies where a bunch of nerds will be really small and I'd torture them to death. Like insects. I mean I do find nerds cute, but then my mind goes back to just despising them and wanting to really hurt them.

Are these nerds going to force me to buy a ''smart home'' and computerized car so I have no freedom of being in charge of anything and risk dying because of it? Will nerds imprison us for not complying to their new world order? This shit is why I have to take Prozac and multiple sedatives a day just to keep me from going on a rampage. I do not understand why nerds (of today) are suddenly so popular and beloved.

For the past 2 days I've felt so angry that I literally feel like if I went to the store and saw a nerd on my way I'd kill him. You people ignoring me isn't helping my problem it's making it worse and is the reason why so many people go out and kill because other people are insensitive and don't consider other people's problems!!!! I already have BPD and depression and this isn't helping at all

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If your  referringto members as " you people ignoring isn't helping my problems " Then why keep posting and not evening bothering to answer someone when they have took time to answer your post... Plus just because no one has answered you on this post is not  our problem, It's yours... Nor is it the reason people go out and kill because they are " ignored " FACT... Only you is making it worse, Take responsibility!!!...

1 hour ago, loverofcreation said:

 

For the past 2 days I've felt so angry that I literally feel like if I went to the store and saw a nerd on my way I'd kill him. You people ignoring me isn't helping my problem it's making it worse and is the reason why so many people go out and kill because other people are insensitive and don't consider other people's problems!!!! I already have BPD and depression and this isn't helping at all

 

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5 hours ago, loverofcreation said:

When I was young, my mother told me to stay away from nerds and that nerds aren't normal so stop hanging with ''stupid nerds''. as I got older I grew to hate nerds since I discovered that I enjoyed bullying them emotionally and fantasize about doing it physically (wont go into detail) i tried to befriend a nerd named Joe and he was a really nice guy but i felt embarrassed seeing him like i was naughty for hanging around nerds like Joe.

i seem to get angry at nerds being popular, for example even if it's a cartoon nerd that a lot of people like, that'll annoy me and anger me. It also very much angers me when nerds are making my day to day life be much more scary than it already is for example drones, nuclear bombs, computerized cars that can runaway due to a computer glitch, IOT, among other things and nerds are the ones who push these things i don't view nerds as good. maybe nerds were good in the early 1900s when they were contributing medicines but now? I think nerds are bad.. I was getting so stressed out with my hatred and also I'm in my house I'm now allowed to show emotions if I do I get degraded and I've had enough passive aggression today as it is even when i see my doctor whose a nerd (and by nerd i mean he looks the part too) i feel uncomfortable and just seeing one walking down the street makes me feel ''grossed out''? and just uncomfortable.

I'll have fantasies where a bunch of nerds will be really small and I'd torture them to death. Like insects. I mean I do find nerds cute, but then my mind goes back to just despising them and wanting to really hurt them.

Are these nerds going to force me to buy a ''smart home'' and computerized car so I have no freedom of being in charge of anything and risk dying because of it? Will nerds imprison us for not complying to their new world order? This shit is why I have to take Prozac and multiple sedatives a day just to keep me from going on a rampage. I do not understand why nerds (of today) are suddenly so popular and beloved.

For the past 2 days I've felt so angry that I literally feel like if I went to the store and saw a nerd on my way I'd kill him. You people ignoring me isn't helping my problem it's making it worse and is the reason why so many people go out and kill because other people are insensitive and don't consider other people's problems!!!! I already have BPD and depression and this isn't helping at all

Hi loverofcreation,

Firstly, it would be nice to be respectful of others. Understand that this is not a very active forum any more, so there aren't many people around as it is. Even still, bumping threads after a couple of hours and blaming people for not going out of their way to help you is very rude, frankly. It wouldn't hurt to have some courtesy - just as you are experiencing issues, most people on this forum are as well, so rather than complain about no one is helping you in particular, perhaps acknowledge that others may need help or may be busy. And if posting here isn't helping at all, then the problem isn't the forum, it's you. You are the one who chose to post here, and no one forced you to post. If it makes it worse, then why post here? Do what you need to recover in helpful ways!

Right, onto your post.

Clearly, you've been brought up to stay away from nerds (for what reason, I'm not sure). Don't confuse the term "nerd", which is a high school term, with "intelligent people", who work every day to try and improve the world through advancements in cancer treatment, process automation and space exploration, to name a few. You're not in high school any more, so stop acting like a high school kid. The reason that these people ("nerds") are so popular is because they create amazing things - without these people, you wouldn't have your medication, or this forum to speak on, or even a mobile phone. 

The fact that you find them attractive but then despise them is a classic sign of your upbringing. You were told that you couldn't have something, so you developed a hatred for this something, while also becoming more curious about what this something was. It's the element of human nature that says "we want what we're told we can't have". 

These people aren't going to force you to do anything. You are lucky enough to live in a country where you can make your own choices in life - unless an entire law changes, you don't have to do anything. The idea that they will force you to buy a "smart home" or whatever is illogical and makes no sense.

Much love <3

 

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