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My girlfriend has BPD and Fibromyalgia


Fernando

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Hello I'm new here and I need to talk and take all this feeling out of me.

 I'm 34 years old my girlfriends is 23 and she has BPD and Fibromyalgia.
 We met 6 month ago but we start dating 3 month ago so the first 2 months I can say the relationship was okay until 3 weeks ago. She started to get very irritated and depressive so I been like trying to help her, trying to be calm myself to help her but i don't think Im making a good job on that because I get irritated too of the situation. 
First time dealing with a person with BPD so I'm trying to understand and looking the way to handle this situation but it doesn't matter what I do or what I say she explote and start putting all the problems on me (I'm the one how did this, I'm the one how make her feel like that, my fault my fault my fault) 
i understand i cannot discuss a problem or anything with her like today in the morning she ask me what's bugging me (i woke up today very sad because yesterday was my birthday and she didnt say a word to me, not even a hug or a kiss or a happy birday, NOTHING!!! and she new was my birthday, I had all day yesterday getting txt messages phone calls, facebook happy wishes and she didn't say nothing to me) so I answer her... "we don't talk too much this pass days" and she start attacking me with txt messages, "it's your fault i feel like this and your weird mood". 
Yesterday I get very sad because she didn't say nothing to me and I get a call from my grand mother so normally when I talk to my grandma she start crying because she miss me (she lives in South America and I live on the US) so I start crying too with my grandma on the phone and finally we finish the conversation and my girlfriend ask me... "what's going on' so I told her every time when I talk to my grandma the conversation gets very emotional and she was like... "oh okey" and she continued texting on the phone. 

That's the other think what bothers me a lot but I try to not get upset on that. She's on the phone texting 24/7 like the phone is attach to her hand, she can be cooking, moving stuffs but with the phone on the hand, not even on the packet, always on the hand. We can be talking but she's with the eyes on the phone, like I say something and she answer me 5 minutes later.

I wanna confess something here, hope i don't get Judged but 2 weeks ago we had a decent day and I get her a new phone, the one she wanted. So she left the old one on the table for a week so last weekend I took her to get her nails done so I when back to the apartment and I saw the phone on the table (the old phone) so I took the bad idea to start reading her messages specially the one with the ex and I get knocked out for what I read.... she's not cheating on me but the firt time we got on laid she told me the very next day she got a bladder infection because of last night so I felt like crap because of that, so I told her okey let go to the doc and she was like "no its okey" and we went to the pharmacy to get medicines so I ask her how do u know its a bladder infection and she exploded on me saying all king of stuffs and because of me she now feel like crap of the bladder infection and blah blah blah. But I realize she slept with his ex 2 week before we start dating even worst she went to the doctor a couple days before I kiss her for the first time because she thought she was pregnant and the txt with her ex was like...

Ex: are u pregnant?
She: no but u give me a bladder infection 

Idk why she was Accusing me of that, I completely understand the situation, she was single so she was allow to do everything she wanted but why putting that on me and why she lied to me saying she didn't had relation with nobody in a long time (2 year)

The other message that killed me, she was talking with her friend and my girlfriend told her... "im going to get drunk and hurt his feelings" and she ask her... "why u two dont come to my house spend the night here and watch some movies but not doing thinks on the bed hahahaha" and she replys... "don't worry we barely do, I feel sorry for him hahahah"

After reading all that and the way she acts with me, I'm wondering if she is just using me or what. She barely hug me or kiss me or anything, I'm the one who is hugging her kissing her, if I don't do nothing of that, we can look like just friends not even closes friends so idk what to think or do I'm so depressed right now, I lost a lot of weight on this 3 months I barely eat. Yesterday I didn't ate nothing in all day and today I just drinked  a bottle of water. All my family is worry about my weight and start asking me if everything its okey with my girlfriend but I'm like "yeah everything its ok". 
I know if I say something they are going to start pushing me to leave her, look for somebody who really loves me and blah blah blah, but I don't want that I want her I love her so that's why I don't say nothing to nobody because they are going to start pushing and pushing.

I don't know what to do I have this feeling inside of me who is killing me little by little.

Sorry for the long story but I need to get this out of me and I don't have nobody to talk about it without judging. 
 

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