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vincent1011

Compassionate Life/work/career advice for BPD and depression

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vincent1011

Hi guys, I'm new, I posted a bit about me in the intro section but I'll probably say more here because its less of an intro thing... 

So I got diagnosed with BPD about 7 years ago. I have done some therapy, like cbt and counselling and meds like citalopram/beta blockers/mitazopine/prozac/wellbutin, but its been inconsistent because just move so much and i give up on things.  I have lead quite a precarious life, was treated for depression and anxiety from the ages of 7, was sexually abused a few times as a kid and adult. It could have been worse, but I have found it very difficult to hold down any kind of employment or relationship/friendship. I am pretty low on support networks or any of that stuff. isolated and estranged/disconnected from people, I mean I am still in touch with some people, but its like everyone is at more of an acquaintance level, or at a duty level (my mother is quite mentally ill and I see her a lot, but I support her more than she supports me). On top of it all I have always gravitated to the arts rather than any kind of practical job, and even then I have found it hard to fully stick to anything for long. 

But on the flipside in some ways I am really accomplished, I have a high level of education, and teachers always really confident I would do well in my art practice, hard working and enthusiastic when I put my mind to it and when I had the structure of an institution behind me to give me confidence. But unfortunately I find it difficult to really follow through when I am left to my own devices, especially because of mood swings, impulsiveness, depressions, paranoia, insecurity, critical thinking etc etc.. even if I make quite a solid plan, with budgets and lists, schedules, a proper plan... it just falls by the way side.I often change my plans, ideas (identity in some ways).. impulsively. 
I know, in a way, what I need to do to succeed like to actually sustain myself financially, I have made detailed plans and to do lists, but its myself that gets in the way. I get so down in the dumps about it all that I don't even look after myself, cleaning, exercise, cooking, going to doctors, getting tests done, paying bills.. just can't feel motivated to do it, and it piles up and then I get into trouble. This is often when I then do something impulsive like just move somewhere else, burn my things, join a commune or random project.. I just can't do that anymore, I really want to get back on my feet (if I ever was on them). 

Practical tips? is there career support for people like me? has anyone else made a go of it who has similar issues?  
 

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