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I need advice please on BPD


adam.carter

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I really need some advice my wife was diagnosed 2 weeks ago with BPD and MDD and has cheated on me and been seeking other male companionship for awhile but i forgave her and now she wants a divorce, which im not going to fight her on. but she is not telling any family or friends the truth about anything she says i had her committed but it was the nurse at the ER that did after hearing how she felt and other things. but now shes telling everyone im controlling and wont let her have friends which is not true. i feel like im losing control and my mind. and the biggest thing is she is not telling anyone what happend just that she was depressed.she has not even told her parents or friends that she has BPD question would be do i tell her friends and family that she has BPD and what has really happend 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yeah you should. A million percent you should, and don't feel bad either. You shouldn't deal with it on your own. She isn't because she has you, but you shouldn't be on your own. Also, if she does have a divorce, how do they know what signs/symptoms to look out for. As much as she is unwell, should you be accused of the behavior stated and accept responsibility for someone else's infidelity. The reason it's called borderline is because she's not suffering from psycosis. There's an element of emotional instability but she's not psychotic. I've been diagnosed with bpd and although I can frequently have insecurities in relationships, I understand my actions. Furthermore, people with bpd can be very manipulative. You have to protect yourself aswell as look out for her. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I feel if you are being accused of things that are very untrue, you must tell the truth! If her family/friends confront you, tell them the truth. Is your wife going to get into therapy? I do hope so. She may change her mind/behavior if she would only get therapy. She is acting BPD with the emotions, they are probably all over the place and very strong. She's not seeing life as it really is, which is easy for us to do, if we don't know ourselves yet. Which your wife doesn't if she diagnosed a few weeks ago. You can't have anyone committed, but the medical field surely can. You would need to go to court, I believe, but I'm not positive. Is there anyway you can get any documents backing up that she has been diagnosed with BPD, that the nurse had her committed? I know there are laws, but you are her husband. I would want documents backing up what you are telling them, if she has manipulated them to think you're the bad guy. If you go and tell them this without it, my concern is that they would just think she was right. How about papers she came home with? Do you have any of those? Use those to back up what you are saying. If you end up being divorced, her family NEEDS to know what is up with her. Divorce proceedings can always be stopped. I would ask her to go to theray for six months before making that decision. You are a stand up guy forgiving her, and wanting to stay with her. NOT MANY MEN would do that. She's fortunate. I was BPD in my 20s, living with the love of my life, and I was A JERK! I cheated too. We ended up breaking up, but for me, it was for the best. I needed to experience life and learn to live on my own. I've never found another love, so I am still alone at age 55. I found all the bad boys...not good. I didn't know what was wrong with me in my 20s or we'd still be together. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 54. I've had one hell of a life with this illness! I hope my words give you strength and help you!

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