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How Can I sort out some issues that I have no idea how to resolve

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Diagnosed with BPD five years ago, spent that time learning what triggers me, what causes me to be a psycho, what causes me to allow people to abuse me and me accept it. Decided I can't trust myself and have to remain single with no friends as all emotional stuff causes me problems.


I have realised that from 14 to 47 my life was lived due to my disorder, that I ruined my kids lives, that I got shit on, married the guy who beat the crap out of me. etc.,


I won't think about it though because going backwards causes depression.


But how can I stop spending money on shit I don't need I get the stomach thing like must have and do anything to get it, then never use and sell it. What does that?


How can I tell my kids and get them to understand I was sick as one has disowned me?


I now have a bit of a drug problem but only when Ive got money and its to help me sort my stuff out as don't have any one to talk to or family. Who can help as the doctor did not want to

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