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Depression is Curable and can never be had again

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I got sick in 2004 for a reason life stuff relationships desperation for a relationship.  I subsequently got worse as a relationship wasn't working out the emotional manipulation wasn't working, then I found out that the person id had a relationship with online for four years lied about everything, we are talking big stuff, he had sent me money and stuff, he was nothing like he said it caused to have a breakdown as my brain could not understand why someone would do something so terrible and spend four years doing it.  I was really bad never left the house for months, cried all the time suicidal.  Kept ringing friend expecting him to save me, because thats what we do.  


What cured me was time, having no contact with anyone, taking the right pills and one goal, I knew I had to have a job in six months as was losing sons family credits. I just sat here day by day one day not crying, next day not, not relying on others, it took ages, but one day I got an interview and because I had to do it I did.  Wasn't easy but I spent months not talking to no one.  You have to get over it yourself, but if you continue to live with what caused it you won't ever get better. For me it was relationships and men, when `I was alone and no man and no worries `I got better.  


Depression is thinking what ifs, what if this happened, what if he had not changed, what if I hadn't pissed him off. Constantly so you change that but it isn't you.  If you keep thinking rather than saying move on can't change it you will always be ill.  If you stay with what started it that life you will just still be ill.. It might be leaving someone, it might mean disowning family but you only get one life.


I live with my student son but basically just me I have a job I don't have friends I don't have anything and im happy I sing I listen to music people make me ill and me letting them because I'm weak. I don't trust anyone because I give and get nothing back.  I have nothing no life no money but I'm happy because I'm content.. Im working on stuff but I've spent years expecting others to help me or care and no one has.


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