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EmotionalWreck1

Is a good relationship even possible with BPD?

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EmotionalWreck1

Okay so Im 20 and found out I have BPD around 3years ago. Every relationship I've been in has been amazing for the first 3-6months then things have changed. I start to get irritated easily, looking moody all the time, feel really clingy and can't help myself but get crazy or snap over little things and annoy my partner. It always ends in either them getting abusive or me cheating out of unhappiness. I'm in a relationship now with a guy I've actually never felt this way about. I don't want my usual ways to ruin the relationship but it's coming up to 6months and we've already had 3 arguments in the past 2weeks over my stupid over reacting, over thinking and making up problems in my head. I just want to know how to be a good girlfriend? Is it even possible with this BPD hanging over me? Am I doomed? Will I ever have an okay relationship? Any advice would honestly help loads. I love this guy and don't want to ruin it I'm trying so hard and need some help.

Edited by EmotionalWreck1

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Eagleheart

I have BPD and I've been with my husband for 26 years, so I know that a good relationship IS possible. It boils down to understanding your condition and making allowances for it.

I am lucky that my husband loves me so much that he can separate my illness from me as a person. Because that's the point. I am so much more than my diagnosis. BPD is only a part of who I am. We do not give my BPD the space to take over our relationship. We both know I have it but we don't allow it to swamp our deep connection.

I hope what I've said will give you a bit of encouragement.

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EmotionalWreck1

Unfortunately my partner has very little understanding of BPD which doesn't help and often just finds my behaviours child like which I can totally agree with because they are I just feel like I try so hard to control it that when I fail at controlling it i feel 100times worse. I'm so bad for sitting and overthinking for hours on end. I think I just need to get used to making an effort to be happy and appear in a good way even when I don't feel like it and hope my brain changes a bit. I just want to be able to make everything perfect and when I don't succeed it hits me pretty bad.

Im so happy you're in such a loving, stable and understanding relationship it gives me big hopes for my future. Thank you so much for what you've shared with me it's helped quite a lot!

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Eagleheart

The one thing I would say is to stop aiming for perfect. It doesn't exist. Instead, aim for acceptance of your imperfections. They are all beautiful parts that make up the wonder that is YOU. Please please please give up your search for perfection. If you're u can do that, you will achieve a level of happiness that is enough.

I hope you can see what I'm trying to say.

Sending you love and light.x

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Earthling

I have only in the last few weeks found out I may have BPD (I think highly like since I have all the symptoms). My partner and I have been together almost a year and were on the verge of splitting up when I found out about my likely diagnosis.

Since then, I have persuaded him that I can be more than my BPD and that I can try to control my mood-swings and tantrums more now that I actually know that my reactions to things are not proportional to what is really happening. You could try, as I am,to steel yourself and give yourself the challenge of not giving into your emotions. It's been bloody hard so far with family but with him I feel I am a lot less paranoid about his feelings for me now that I know my negative perceptions probably aren't true!

He also reminds me to tone things down (e.g. when I become overbearingly loving and idealise him, he'll remind me that its probably BPD at work). It can be a little hurtful as you can feel your autonomy over your own feelings is in question but so far has been really useful for helping me manage myself better and envision that we can have a relationship without blow-ups!

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EmotionalWreck1

That's what I've been trying to do.  I've been struggling alot recently, for some reason I struggle more nearer to Christmas time. I've just been trying to not give in to my feelings as I become very overbearing and paranoid and tend to then get more worked up as I feel I'm ruining things.  I've been getting better since my last post, I am improving and learning every day. 

I'm happy you're getting a diagnosis and the support you need and it's so good it sounds like you're understanding so much more about yourself because of it. I feel like a proper diagnosis and feeling you're not alone really helps. 

Who wants to be boring normal anyway aye! 

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EU11

Hey, new here :) Found this one so just wanted to share my view. 

 

I think we all who suffer from BPD have big problems when it comes to not just man-woman relationship but also in friendship. This is at least my experience. With years, did you managed to keep your friends or most of them left? I would honestly love to hear experience from anyone.

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Emma1981

I don't have many friends. I am the most loyal person I know, but most of my friends just come and go. They never stay in my life for long. Don't think its necessarily BPD related, well I don't think so. I think its just the way people are nowadays with busy lives etc...although I make so much time for people myself. Now I have almost accepted that people will never love or care as much as me. So that's back to the BPD again then lol

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