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lilmiss

No one talks about suicide attempt?

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lilmiss

Hi, I'm totally new here so hello to everyone.

I just wanted to talk to someone, anyone in fact. I am so lonely and on my own. I am surrounded by beautiful people including my children - but no one knows or understands the 'real me' so I put on an act every single time until this hour in the morning when I am alone with just me. Don't get me wrong I love this time of night and I love me. I help everyone I can, those on a superficial level and those deep down in their thoughts - if you're there then I offer you to come my way, welcome to the dark side - which is not full of blood and gory - just full of fallibility and you know what, amazing things happen from mistakes so be proud you made that mistake.

So I am so secure inside. I have never, nor would, hurt anyone - even a bloody spider. Never been arrested, nothing at all, just 'normal'.

My issue is that people don't accept me for who I am. I am not talking about extremes just I can never be me EVER. No one knows I'm bisexual, maybe it's that? I'm 42 years old. God it's so confusing.

6 months ago I attempted suicide while my kids stayed at their dads, but no one ever mentions it. My parents were fully on board and I had to live with them and my kids for a while and we got social services involved since the kids were at risk. All is great now but you know what? To me, in my 42 years of living, attempted suicide is the biggest thing in my life - I wanted to die, I wanted to go home - but no one has ever mentioned that at all ever, I appreciate it may have been too much for my parents to deal with, my kids never knew, so hey we just get on with life, don't mention it.

Professionals, family. friends, no one ever has ever talked about the state I was in and why I took 40 cocodamol, numerous anti depressants, paraceatomol, anything that was in my cupboard I didn't want to wake up from it and I was dead on arrival in A&E. Reason why? I suffer major and chronic depression and I was so sick of dealing with my head I just couldn't stand it anymore, it was too much I wanted out. Why do I suffer from all of that? Because I am not accepted into human society and it goes to show with the suicide attempt, people just put up with me. I have answered my own questions.

6 months on I am the same as I was - no one understands me and I am very sick of my head. And because I look good on the outside everyone is happy

Why does no one ever talk about the suicide and talk it through? I don't get it?

Luv edited because I can't tell you who I really am as per above you will not accept me either. 

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