Relapse and getting help again?

[jay96]

Hi all. So to start I'm 21 and was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago during being sectioned for 2 months. I was put on fluoxetine 60mg and quetiapine (can't remember the dose), I was on these until just before I turned 20 when after a 5 stone weight gain and I felt like I could be off them. I just stopped taking them and attending any appointments. So as the months went on I was slowly falling back into a hole and now I'm completely stuck. Everyday I want to kill myself, cut myself to shreds, I get so angry, I don't want to do anything, I have a pile of uni work mounting up, my flat is a mess, I can't bare being outside, I'm hardly showering and I'm ruining my relationship with my paranoid thinking, causing arguments every other day and getting angry at her. I'm sick of messing everything up in my life, I've lost past relationships due to my anger and paranoia and cheating, I went to college 3 times after leaving school and never completed it. Finally completed an access course in the summer and got a place at uni and that's slowly going down the pan after only 4 months. What I want to be and what I am are so far apart. How do I get help again, what do I do because I am so close to just ending it all, I can't bare to be who I am any longer.