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My Daydreaming and Hallucinations


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I'm Evelyn, in my mid-to-late high school years and completely aware that the title sounds ridiculous. I apologise if this is long, but I need to get it off my chest:

My compulsive daydreaming has been something that has been an issue all my life. I daydream in class, during exams, while eating, in my bed, while walking, when someone is talking and pretty much everywhere and anywhere else. I've been doing research for months and believe ADD may be the culprit, and my therapist at school agrees that I have some condition, even if my mother won't allow me to seek actual help and therapy.

But even so, is it normal for my daydreams to become so vivid and frequent that I start to confuse reality with fantasy?

I have met fellow daydreamers like me who sometimes drift off, and people with ADD, and even they are aware that their fantasies are - well - fantasy. I get confused all the time, even when I don't intend to. When I daydream about violence, I start punching and kicking things unconsciously. When I daydream about dancing, I act it out in real life. When I daydream about arguing with someone, I make facial expressions and mutter under my breath, and when I meet the person I behave aggressively. When I daydream that something upsetting has happened, I act as of it truly occured, and start wailing furiously.

Besides acting out my daydreams, my fantasies themselves have cost me so many personal relationships. My recent friendship breakdown was because my two close friends gained a new friend, whom in my head I imagined obsessively to be a demon. I even hallucinated the horns atop the head at times. Eventually me and their friend got into a huge argument, and I began to impulsively abuse them, both verbally and sometimes physically, and convinced myself that her very real depression was a trick. I did this all because I thought that she was a demon who would trick my friends and drag them into hell. I lost my friends not long after, and I cry over my mistake every day ever since.

I also hallucinate that my house, in which I have lived all my life, "breathes". I see it moving slightly, like a person's chest, inhaling and exhaling. I can feel someone's breath on my shoulder at times - I can feel it as I type this - and I often hear footsteps and see shadows that appear for split seconds and disappear. I can hear something scurrying across the walls at times, and frequently a beetle's outline appears in my vision.

I'm aware that this is not a site for diagnosis, but I feel as though I have no where else to go. If anyone with similar experiences could try and help me that would be amazing. Or if you could direct me to a site made for this type of stuff that would be appreciatedn

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