BPD Subtypes/Levels of Functioning

[emkingxx]

Hello everyone, This is my first forum post. I was newly diagnosed with BPD after a mental health crisis this past November. That’s a long story, and I’d be willing to tell it for anyone who has interest. What I’m really hoping you all could give me is some support with regard to feeling like an alien even within this diagnosis. Everything “fits,” but I hear so much about BPD being debilitating in terms of people not being able to work or not presenting well. I know in my heart that BPD explains so much of my inner turmoil and the things that send me into a “spiral,” but I feel very alone and confused. Every time I talk about BPD with my therapist or my boyfriend, I feel awkward even saying it -- like me harping on it is going to look like I want this diagnosis or am having fun with it or playing it up or something. (The ironic thing about that is that my therapist and boyfriend have been nothing but supportive) By all accounts, I am a successful young adult. And I think it’s probably a massive stereotype with people with BPD can’t have success or normalcy. Nevertheless, I feel like my “high functioning” label is just a way to undermine the legitimacy of my feelings and identity. I’ve been reading about borderline subtypes and identify with aspects of them, but I guess the “discouraged borderline” is the best fit? But I know that these aren’t in DSM-5 and again that makes me question legitimacy of whether I'm just looking for a way to justify and rationalize my own inability to cope. Some may say that it doesn’t matter, and I know it really shouldn’t, but I have a compulsive need to riddle things out. I’m highly logical and sometimes I wish I wasn’t, because it makes it hard to accept that sometimes there are no best answers. I just feel so illegitimate. Does anyone else know anything about subtypes or levels of functioning?