Better off Dead

[Jean Dee]

Hi... I'm 18 and I want to end my life. I've been thinking about killing myself. I feel worthless and a bother to everyone in my life. I feel like I don't really need to live in this world because I trouble people with my depression. I need help but nobody really cares because they all say that it's going to be fine.. I'm not fine, I'm not okay. I want to know what is the most painless and easiest way to commit suicide. I don't tell my parents because I'm scared they won't understand me.

Whenever I have done something wrong to someone, they would tell me that I'm ungrateful. I would then apologize but they don'tnreally accept it... So if I'm ungrateful and useless, then I should really stop living so I won't cause anyone trouble ever again... They would be happier if I was dead, they won't have to worry about someone as broken as me anymore... 

I'm sick of myself and I would be better off dead. I don't deserve to live because I'm nothing. People only see the wrong in me, no matter how good I was to them, if I did something wrong, it would be hard for them to forgive me unless I beg them to. They would do bad things to me like bully me and make fun of me, but I would shake it off like it was nothing even though it makes me even more worthless. But they never asked me for forgiveness, they think it's okay that they hurt my feelings as long as I don't hurt theirs.

Life is too unfair and I can't bear to lie to myself and wear a fake smile anymore. I feel numb so I cut myself every now and then, I'm thinking I should go really deep this time as to finally end this stupid life of mine. But I'm kind of scared, so I want to have your guys opinion on ways to kill myself in the easiest and most painless ways possible. Thank you