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pjw01

Conflicted

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pjw01

I'd never normally post my issues online, I usually feel irritated when people do for some reason but I don't know where else to turn so here's my story I.guess....

I'm a 19 year old male, Patented divorced at a young age had a few problems growing up within a broken family such as relationships with the step parents and what not but nothing ever sever.. But all my life I've felt this sadness I can never pin point why I've felt this way but it's gotten worse as I've gotten older. At this point in my life I'm doing well I have an amazing girlfriend who I love more than anything, I've started to play sports and become more active I'm studying a.course at college which will hopefully enable a well paid job... Why aren't I happy? I find myself frequently thinking about no longer being here but it's very rarely a thought of taking my life more of a wishing I'd never existed, I know I couldn't take my life as I lost my brother years ago in an accident and I know the pain that causes I couldn't put my family through that again. I just don't know who to talk to or what to say, I trust my girlfriend and love her but I feel like I'd just be bringing her down if I spoke to her, this maybe because a relationship I had in the past I often told her about my problems and she told me she'd lost interest in my problems and didn't care. I just don't know what to do I feel so conflicted 

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