Personality Disorder - Mental Ilness

[fabbychic]

According to the NHS website its a Mental Illness, sorry but I think its a brain cancer that can't be treated.

You think totally different to any one else all the life decisions you make are born of need which is how your  brain works, you have no choice.  

Diagnosed at 48 didn't see or couldn't until 3 years later after I started  coke addiction which actually gave me sight.

Lived my whole life mental decisions things i did life i lived because of how my brain worked totally mental, moving kids 100 miles away from home for man knew 3 months didn't even ask them, told myself for ten years was for them I'm a brilliant mum, no it wasn't for them, i believed all this totally.  Then realising i abused my kids by texts for six months blaming them for my shit life emotional blackmail because if they respond they care.

Every person ever in my life i let shit on me abuse me no boundaries and have them back again out of need, your brain lies to you, you have no choice its not treatable you can't take pills for it.

I now have ptsd i can't have any friends or partners because i can't trust my brain to latch on and lose another five years. I spent 5 years in a relationship that was horrendous for both of us because of need because i have no choice. I can't ever have anyone in my life.

The mood swings the car needs fixing my mood is high and low high and low the dogs ill, I'm thinking of getting him put down.  This illness you can't ever control, all you can do is hide.

I can't take pills for it, i can't get therapy.  At least I see what i need to do now, at least i see why one of my kids hates me.  I have no good memories because i had no choice how is that faire. 

I don't want to think about it anymore i just want to lead my life then someone calls me crazy, when i die i will be remembered for being the idiot no one will say poor her she had no choice