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BPD in relationships

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So I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD. While my partner is quite understanding and supportive with me, sometimes he won’t answer questions to reassure me. Sometimes he is ok to answer them and other times he refuses. Does this mean he doesn’t care? Or is he trying to help me not ask so much? Some days are better than others when it comes to me asking for reassurance, but it’s just so confusing.

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Saharah Blue

I don't know what his personality is like, but there could be a number of reasons like, have you let him know what he is suppose to say or do?

It could be they are just a bit overtired that day, it could be he may feel like he is encouraging you to behave in a needy or dependent way and does not want to facilitate. Sometime asking too frequently leaves the other partner feeling like they are not saying the right thing and getting it all wrong otherwise why would you be asking again?

Being BPD in a relationship is tricky, easy to get lost in navigating your own head and forget that your words and actions, including coping skills or lack of, really impact others on a personal level around you.

Be kind to him and yourself, be patience with him and yourself. All relationships benefit from it.

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Following are hallmarks of borderline personality disorder:
  • Intense fear of abandonment, real or imaginary.
  • Having intense relationships with lots of conflict, and seeing the other person as “all-good" or “all bad."
  • Feeling unsure about one’s identity; a lack of “personhood" or non-existence.
  • Feeling empty, like one has a black hole put inside them that can never fill up.
  • Engaging in impulsive “pain management" behaviors, such as going on spending sprees, having promiscuous sex, driving recklessly, abusing drugs or alcohol, binge eating, breaking the law, threatening suicide or making attempts, and engaging in self-harm.
  • Being emotionally unstable: frequent and fast mood changes; uncontrolled, intense anger and rage; and intense sadness and irritability.
  • Paranoia in very stressful situations; episodes of numbness or “zoning out" or “dissociation" (feeling numb or "zoned out").

Depending on the situation, any event can trigger an outbreak of one or more of these hallmark responses. If you really want to understand and help him,  become aware of what triggers such emotional meltdowns. Then help him find his way back to emotional sobriety. Otherwise he will gradually pull you into his emotional hell and you will find escape impossible.

Good source of help with BPD:


Edited by mhf4jjz

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