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cmcgann1993

Hi I'm new!

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cmcgann1993

 

Hi. I'm new to the site, well actually I'm new to forums too lol so bear with me if I'm not that great on how this works. I'd to share a little bit of my story. I'm 24 and since i was 15 I've had agoraphobia to the point of being housebound along with severe anxiety and also depression which has only been present for about 5/6 years.

Despite not being able to go out my partner who I met at 15 has been with me this whole time and he's an absolute saint! Without him i would be helpless. At age 16 we found out I was pregnant so being very young and having all the problems I had on top of it was very hard to deal with but somehow I managed to pluck up the courage to go out to pick up some "baby things" and when our son arrived I found I was able to go out a little better but only to shops for short periods or the park and then home. Then i relapsed and went out once every couple of months.

Three and a half years later our daughter was born and things seemed to get better again with regards to going out, The only problem was it wasn't very happy reasons to be getting out and about because the majority of places we were going were appointments to see specialists about getting an autism diagnosis for our son. As you could imagine finding out your child has a disorder you don't know anything about can take its toll on you, especially when you already have mental health issues. After a while we got a diagnosis and shed lots of tears we came to terms with it all and accepted it.

Our son is an amazing clever 8 year old and can communicate quite well which I am thankful for even though it can be quite challenging at times. I think because I realised someone needed me was when I "manned up" and started taking responsibility. Then when our daughter was 2 she started showing traits of Autism and i completely shut off. I fell into a really bad state of depression which I assumed I already had but it was nothing compared to what I was experiencing this time. 

I became a paranoid wreck, I didn't speak to anyone, I had extreme anxiety to the point I left all duties to my partner and locked myself upstairs googling my symptoms.. I know this is something nobody should ever do lol but I couldn't help myself, I literally couldn't function. I thought I was crazy and was suicidal and i could never sympathise with anyone who was suicidal until it happened to me and now I fully understand why people would feel that way. 

Slowly but surely I found myself being able to watch tv and eat downstairs (that sounds so silly) but that's how horrible it was. My partner was literally my carer and we had no other functional relationship other than him looking after me and doing everything else on top of it, ie all the child care, shopping, housework etc. 

I remember the first day I smiled again and recall it feeling "weird" as if it wasn't meant to be happening but in time things got a little better. This was over two years ago now and it's been the longest I've been in the house except for going out in the garden. My daughter was also diagnosed with autism and it really got to me not being there when my partner got the word. I feel much better although the anxiety is still very much there so prevents me from venturing further. 

The reason I joined this site was because I feel I am in an ok frame of mind to maybe help others and by sharing my story I hope that people can see that things can get better in those "bad days" even if it's just a slight improvement it's better than none!

 

I'm so sorry for the "essay" and a huge congrats to those who made it to the end lol..

Chelsea x

 

 

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