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Metastable

Intro; loved one with BPD; looking for support

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Metastable

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I guess right now I'm looking to explain my position and hear some preliminary advice.

Someone very close to me has BPD. Following a relationship with a narcissist, things have got bad for them. I've provided support nearly all my life to this person. But I feel like what they require now is beyond what I can provide. I find myself breaking down in tears every day trying to control events in their lives that are beyond my control. And I feel such an enormous sense of guilt when I can't be there for them. I too am very emotionally sensitive and sometimes I go into a state of ''hyper-empathy' and feel all the things that I think they're feeling. I find it difficult to return to my own head. Many tell me I need to protect myself, they can see I'm suffering but I cannot remove myself from this person's life. I couldn't live with myself if I did that.

People say I need therapy but I don't think I need that kind of help. I know if my loved one was better, then I'd be better. I just need others to pick up the slack. And sometimes people do help, but it seems this help is provided only up to a limited time and their help is never effective enough. I still do all the work.

I feel like if I let go and let someone else take the reigns, everything will (and does) get a lot worse. I feel like I'm doomed to be consumed by someone else's struggles, my relationships are suffering and I don't know what to do anymore.

Advice on these specific points would be much appreciated:

- They live in the same home where their struggles stemmed from and need to move out. The catch is that they need to move into a supportive environment with someone who is kind and empathetic and willing to sacrifice some personal space to accommodate for this person's BPD. They live in London and would be willing to offer reduced rent, but I have no idea how to find someone who we can trust.

- They seem to have surrounded themselves with people who are not true friends. But would rather keep them around than be alone. I find myself having to chase after these people to be empathetic to their person's needs and struggles. Always feels like a losing battle. Where can I find the day-to-day positive reinforcement this person requires? They already have an excellent therapist.

Thank you for reading, if you've gotten this far!

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Leemel

Hello, I can't offer any advice as your situation sounds so very similar to mine. I feel exactly the same as you with feeling their pain inside of myself. I can only offer myself as a friend going through similar experiences if you wish to contact me...I wish you luck...and for what its worth I am on the waiting list to see a therapist myself...please don't try and cope on your own. You are obviously a beautiful person in trying to help someone but dont forget about you...I know its hard and my health does struggle with my concern for my friend too. Take care. Lee.

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