Things Change.

[ThingsChange]

I remember the days when i used to enjoy going to work, making a living, coming home to spend time with my 6 month old daughter and partner of 3 years.

I dont enjoy speaking about issues so to cut a story short, the relationship ended with no warning and no future contact.

MY daughter was kept from me due to the mother and i having issues. i have not seen my daughter in almost 2.1/2 years.

how ever those past years i have not been able to leave my bedroom much, spending 97% of the time fixed in their. 

 

who knew four walls be become so comfy, i cant say i enjoy being bound here but its become part of life. lifes become so dull, with no hopes, no future plans, nothing to aspire to.

 

the one thing that kills me , is the fact no matter what ive tried i cant contact my daughter, i fell like ive failed her, failed myself and failed life.

My number one goal as being a dad was to be a good one, to be always there for my child, but ive hit a brick awall and i no longer know what to do..

 

i have had depression for years and anxiety about 1 year. 

 

i dont think anyones response will influence my mood or how i feel but i thought id share my story.

 

im at bottoms end right now. i actually dont want a way to feel better. im used to this feeling. ive failed this life. ive failed my daughter regardless if it was out of my control. children look up to parents to make things right and on this occasion i could'nt. so if anything i will be forever sorry to my daughter.

[insomnia92]

Hello

I can empathise with you spending 97% of your time in your bedroom. It can get on top of you so quickly, at first it's just comfort and it's safe and then eventually you just start avoiding everything and everyone.I live about a 5 minute walk away from some woodland, the perfect place to just sit and get fresh air and yet everyday for months i tell myself I'll go for a walk but I don't and I can't even explain why.

I don't think your daughter would ever think of you as a failure, we can only do our best and she's still young at the moment, hopefully when she's a little older you can see her more and she'll see you as the caring person you are.

You didn't wake up one day and make the decision to not enjoy life anymore, it's not your fault that you feel that way...it's just something that people go through but you need to think about the future and just consider for a second that at some point you will improve, you'll want to leave your room and you will enjoy the things you used too.

That's what I'm holding onto 

I hope this message at least gives you the satisfaction in knowing that you aren't alone.

Mandy x