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Matt_

Fed up with my life

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Matt_

I'm 16, I've got autism and I see the world completely differently than everyone else. I live at home with my mum and my niece(who can't live with her mother, although she used to but her house caught fire). I'm from a middle-class family and live in Manchester. 

 

I argue constantly at home with my mum and my niece, and my niece is the cause of it. She winds me up all the time, and when I get wound up I either go and argue with my niece, or I do the sensible thing that I've been recommended to do and tell my mum, which is supposed to prevent arguments. All that does, however, is cause arguments as well. I've got no choice. I can't walk away, my niece will continue to annoy me from there, and because she's 10 and doesn't live with her mum, my mum treats her like a saint and she is allowed to do absolutely anything without punishment. All I have to do is say the slightest bad thing and my mum is throwing my posessions out of the window(most recently my laptop, today), she is emotionally abusing me to a point where I don't know what to do with my life, and my niece continues to - despite having caused everything - get away with it. Unfortunately, my mum still thinks that I'm totally fine mentally and that my niece is better off, and she says I'm a bully and disgusting for saying that my niece has ruined my life since she lived here - which, in all honesty, she has. 

 

I've tried explaining to my mum(albeit during a less-heated moment of an argument) that I'm at the point of jumping off a bridge, that she doesn't understand what she's doing to me mentally. She doesn't care, or believe me. Trouble is, she's a caring person really, and she definitely would care if I was to go out and injure myself. I can't get anything through to her, I've tried my absolute best and nothing works. She's threatened to go and drive into a brick wall herself, which upsets me quite a lot because she's my mum at the end of the day, it's upsetting. She just doesn't care about what I say, though, even when I mean it and I've told her I do. 

 

She hates me for who I am, she's said herself she hates my voice, and I can only guess that she hates me because I was born with autism - hencewhy she treats me differently(in a negative way) than to my other siblings, and my niece. I can't carry on living like this, I can't tell anyone what she's like otherwise she'll get in serious trouble, and I can't ring or talk to anyone because there's a) that much on my chest that I don't know where to start, and b) she will also get into a lot of trouble, again, and I don't want her to, despite how horrible of a mental state she's put me in. I can't go out anywhere for more than a day to get away from her,  because she'll ring the police and lie to them(she lies to everyone and never lets me spea to people, because she knows that she's in the wrong. I can't speak to anyone local because she's already made me out to be a horrible person without me having the ability to defend myself). If she does ring the police when I try and get away, she'll lie to them and say I've either hit her or done something bad - and the only way for me to get across to the police that I haven't done that is to explain what's happened, and how I feel, and if I do that my mum will once again get into serious trouble or I'll probably get locked up for my own safety, because I'm at the point where I feel like jumping off a bridge.

 

My mum has lied to the entire family about what I'm like, and has never said a word of what she is like to people. The entire family now hate me(apart from my dads side, my mum and dad live separately and my dads side of the family treat me the complete opposite of my mums side. My dad understands what she's like, and my grandma and granddad on that side are also really nice to me. When I see my dad I never get angry or wound up, which is because my mum and niece are the issue, but my mum tries convincing him that I'm 'two faced' and 'schizophrenic' because I can "put on an act", but she doesn't understand that the way I behave at my dads is how I am normally, she just drives me to my wits end. I don't want to live at my dads, however, because he has a different lifestyle which I don't really want to live in. He's not by any means an alcoholic or drug addict, he is very polite and all that sort of stuff, but I'm just not fond of his routine and everything, so living there is crossed off.

 

I don't know what to do, my mum is upset herself(although not as much as me) and I don't like that, although she doesn't feel bad for me when I'm upset. I've no idea what to do anymore, I've tried everything to tell her how bad my mental state is but she's still completely determined I'm either lying, she doesn't care, or that my niece is 'worse off' even though she's absolutely fine(I know what some people might say, but I can tell peoples emotions very well and how they're feeling, and my niece has everything she could ever want, including in her social life), and that's really getting to me. I can't tell anyone of my problems because I don't want my mum to get into trouble.

 

I feel like I'm getting major health problems from stress, I'm constantly getting chest pains and going light headed, as well as constant stomach pain all the time, but I don't want to go to the doctors because, to be completely honest, I don't care about my life anymore. I'm at my wits end, and as much as I'm tearing up writing this I don't know what else I can do at this stage :(

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insomnia92

Hello Matt

I know this may not be helpful but I really don't know what to suggest,I can't imagine how frustrated and how trapped you must feel.

But I read through it and I really sympathise with your situation,your mum sounds like a very complicated individual.

Also I don't really know much about Autism other than the general information I've been given...could you tell me more about how it affects you?

I hope you feel better 

Mandy

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Matt_
8 hours ago, insomnia92 said:

Also I don't really know much about Autism other than the general information I've been given...could you tell me more about how it affects you?

There's different types from what I've heard, some types will make you be sort of bad with social skills and some will cause you to have really ecstatic behaviour. My type makes me think differently, for example everything I think looks good everyone else will think looks bad and vice versa. I'm good at identifying peoples emotions and their mental state or what they're acting like and overall I just see the world differently, which probably leads to some complications with my mum and I because she can't see the world how I see it and it's impossible to explain

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