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Liru

i feel alone and helpless

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Liru

Hello,

I'm not sure if I should really post this. The point is that my problems aren't really that bad so i feel like I shouldn't bother people with real problems. But then, I don't really know where else to go so... Oh yeah, and english is not my native language so please excuse grammar mistakes etc.

I think the very short story is that I think that I may have depression. I'm currently 17 years old and since last winter I can barely (or probably not at all) remember two days in a row where I didn't break down and cried. I can't talk to my parents because we don't really have a good connection and they have their own problems. I can't talk with my friends because I don't really trust them with something so personal and I sometimes feel like they don't give a shit about me anyways. My teacher also tried talking to me but I don't want to bother him. I know he's uncomfortable doing so and I also don't really trust him.

The point is that my last school year starts in like... four days and every night I cry myself to sleep, because I don't know how I'm gonna manage it. Post-graduation time is like a big black hole, because I don't know what I should do with my life after I'm done with school. Also I'm afraid that all my friends will drop me the second they don't see me on a daily basis anymore and that there won't be anymore people around me that I can run to if everything falls apart (like last year, I still had my teacher, who was obliged to help me.). I'm so afraid that next year I'll be totally alone and I'm hella anxious that I'll become suicidal if I keep living this way (Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about killing myself right now. I'm just afraid how long I'll be able to do this)

So I guess all I really want would be someone to talk to.

Bye then I guess

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Saharah Blue

It can be difficult to learn to do, but you actually hold within yourself the ability sooth your own heart sorrows. I know it is hard to stop looking outside, to your school and social world to make you feel reassured, but the making of all our mental health struggles is finding the soft heart within to hug ourselves for all we struggle through.

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Liru

Yeah I guess. I mean, that's what all the help pages say. That you have to be able to just do your best and then learn to be happy and proud of what you've achieved in your life. I just don't know how to do that or how to practise that. I'm right now at a point where I can repress bad things and concentrate on good things. At least after I let off some steam mostly by crying about whatever went wrong. But I have no clue how to see the good in bad situations. I guess for many people that's an easy thing to do but where I am right now it's just so freaking complicated.

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Saharah Blue

Yes, you are right, sometimes we need to just feel listened to and talk and write while we find our way. No quick fix to the journey, but it reminds me of a thing I use to work through and still do from time time. The difference between what I feel I should be doing and feeling and what I am actually capable to being, in the moment and not be hard on myself for who I am what I am able to handle.

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