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Disreputable

Can someone help me...please

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Disreputable

Hi so I finally came to this site out of desperation...

I need so much help... My friend won’t listen to me anymore and yells at me when I just need someone to listen. I don’t need a response just..appreciation...Anyway I’m clinically depressed and I’m definitely at a low right now. Why is everyone leaving me...why do I hurt them this way...why am I so stupid...everything is falling apart and I have put it upon myself to make sure I don’t eat as punishment.I have like a pack of peanuts at the beginning of the day and almost nothing else...it’s been a month since I’ve had three meals. But of course I’m a stupid weak piece of nothing and so I graze on everything so I wouldn’t say I’m starving myself...

I just want to know I’ll be okay...I just want to vanish and I don’t even care if people miss me anymore. I just don’t want to hurt them...It’s so bad these last two years...I don’t know how to healthily keep going...can someone please talk to me...anybody? I can’t handle the empty sickness in my chest anymore...:( sorry for your time 

 

edit: typing it out made me feel a bit better...like it gives me hope that maybe someone will care

Edited by Disreputable

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Eagleheart

I've only just seen your post so I'm sorry it wasn't sooner.

Do you receive any mh help? Are you on any meds? It sounds like you are trying to cope all on your own and that is almost impossible when you're in a depressive episode.

The thing is, you WILL be okay. It's a matter of taking each day one step at a time. One breath at a time. That is how I make it through each dark day.

Please keep going and if you aren't getting medical help, then seek it out.

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Disreputable

Thanks for talking and I’m also sorry. I was sleeping and it felt good to sleep well for a bit for the first time in weeks. 

No, I do not take any medications like that. The thought of taking those scare my parents and I. I’m not really on here to be convinced to take them so...sorry. 

Anyway I do talk to a therapist although I only talk to them about twice a year. Since I’m a type one diabetic, my mom believes I need to talk to a special therapist that also is diabetic. It sounds good in theory...they understand the things I go through and others don’t. But unfortunately this person needs to be booked out four months in advance. Heh...like I’ll know when my episodes hit four months in advance. 

Other than that I occasionally talk to the people at my school. And they’re nice but I hate missing class since my parents are strict on my grades. That and the people that I’m allowed to talk to at the school are never there and are the opposite gender than I. That may sound dumb but it’s easier to talk to women. I’m very mature for my age and I connect better with adults. 

Thanks again for willing to talk to me. It felt good waking up and seeing that someone cared 

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Eagleheart

I'm glad you got some sleep. It's a very important part of staying well.

It's a shame that you're so dismissive of meds. I know from my own complex experience that I would not have made it this far without them. Taking medication is not a sign of weakness at all. In fact, it takes great courage to admit that you need help. I've been on psychiatric meds for several decades and they have been a lifeline for me.

Anyway, you seem to be quite self assured and your mind has strong views so I hope you can begin to improve and find the kind of help you need. I wish you all the best.

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Disreputable

Thanks...I’ve just been told that meds aren’t what is right for me. I’m not saying anything bad at all about people that do take meds, I realise they’re important to a lot of people, but my parents and I believe I need to cope differently than medications. That’s why I came onto this site; to try something new and to get help. My friends agree with me that I could actually get worse with the addition of antidepressants or stuff like that. I’m sorry I can be stubborn and it’s a big reason of why people really despise me...I’m still looking for a way to get help and I’m all honesty, I don’t believe this is working either. 

 

I’m just a special case I guess...I know I am narrow minded to my options and I guess I just know what’s good for me, right?...I want a way to vent and feel fine and I guess this was a way for me to get some stuff off of my chest for like an hour or two so thank you. 

Edited by Disreputable

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BenBen245

Everyone is not abandoning you. You do not need to punish yourself and they are not punishing you. You are loved, sometimes people come and go in our lives but they are not trying to hurt you. I lost my love two days ago, borderline, to heroin, I beg of you to trust that your feelings are justified but they are not always rational. You are loved!!!!

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Jessicatt

You must make yourself busy in house work and your college/university works. Don't think about the depression and that your friends are not helping you and listening to you. Whenever you feel alone, type a diary on your mobile or write it on the diary book. It will help you alot in this situation. Also if this continues to happen then please consult with doctor he/she will definitely help you out in this matter. I am also feeling sorry for you :)

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