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Eagleheart

BPD trouble

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Eagleheart

Back in July, my fur baby died. He had been my best little buddy and my constant companion. Everywhere I went, there he went too. His death has literally destroyed me.

Because I couldn't handle the depth of my grief, I self harmed by carving the four letter C word into my arm. Then came the guilt and shame and I felt even worse. I'm stuck in a cycle of self destruct. All I want to do is end it all but I made a promise not to. So I'm stuck with a gutful of shitty feelings that I can't handle and just wanting to SH all the time. To make matters worse, my case worker is on long term sick leave and I've been dumped by my psychiatrist.

Basically, I'm really struggling here. Not at all sure how much longer I can stay strong.

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bibiddi

Hi Eagleheart - I haven't been here in a while, but I read your post.

I think when there is lots of shitty feelings flying around, they need to go somewhere. At the moment the shit is being aimed back at you. And that doesn't feel fair.

I really am so sorry about your cat, what was his name? I think cats are choosy, so it must have felt wonderful to be loved by him, and have him by your side.

My mental health team used to constantly be dropping or changing, exactly what we really don't need. I hope that it gets sorted soon, can you contact them to remind them you need a case worker.

 

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Eagleheart

Thank you so much for your reply. I didn't think anyone would bother answering.

My cat was called Timmy. He was my very own angel. He saved my life one time. Literally. I feel so lost without him. I've had cats all my life but never before had the bond I had with Timmy. I have decided to take on an older cat that no-one wants. He will be coming to live with us this week. I don't think there will be a special bond with him but I wanted to do a nice thing, in memory of Timmy.

I suppose I could phone the MH team but they are so busy they don't have anyone you can see straight away. It's a ridiculous situation.

 

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Eagleheart

Feeling suicidal. Really triggered atm. I'm so tired of pretending that I'm coping. Sorry.

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