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YorkshireDan

Bpd traits

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YorkshireDan

Hello all,

I was diagnosed with BPD traits about 18 months ago. For a long time I didn't want to accept it and was convinced it was aspergers but now I guess I've got to face reality. I'm a 37 year old guy and my mental health has never been great. I was diagnosed with depression at 21 and have been on and off medication since. I have had relationships but have been single now for two years. All my relatiobships wers with women who were psychologically or even physically abusive. I can't even get a date now. Last girl i dated said I'm too needy and clingy...I wanted to get married and have a family but I suppose I better give up on that. I attempted suicide about two years ago after my ex left me, but thankfully have not done so since, although the thoughts do come up from time to time. I have no friends and I live alone with no sense of hope or optimism for the future. I feel like an utter failure and that nobody could ever like me, never mind love me. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I am. All I do is work (I have a good job but I live in constant fear I'll somehow lose my job, be sacked or made redundant) and I don't really have a social life or close friends. 

I don't want to live like this anymore. 

I especially struggle with weekends, the idea of spending 48 hours on a stretch alone is horrific to me. Even when I do interact with people I feel sad as inevitably they will get on with their lives without me. 

 

 

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maddy harper

 I also struggle with weekends and being alone so you’re not on your own 

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