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I fell awful posting this because I've never spoken to a doctor and been diagnosed with anything....

I'm a 17 y/o girl. I've had a job, my family loves me, and I've had friends who I really care about that really care about me. I came out as bisexual and everyone I knew accepted me, even my grandmother who used to talk about how being gay was a sin(she actually became a supporter because of this). Seems like a happy teenager right? Yet I constantly feel alone. I feel like I'm trapped in myself. All my days bleed into one another and sometimes I can't take it. I used to be really bad about self harm. Once my mom and my stepfather found out. They were really supportive at first. I trusted my stepdad the most, as he knows about this sort of thing. He used to self harm before him and my mother married which is why I trusted him. I had even stopped self harming. I know he would still talk about it to this day but.... My mom stopped trying to help. If I have a day where I can't stop crying she just yells at me, screaming how she walks on eggshells around me, and how I use how I feel as a crutch in life. I feel like.... Like she doesn't care about me anymore. I felt more alone than ever... And now their all gone. They went on vacation and left me all alone in my home for four days, and all I can think about is how suffocating the silence is. How alone I am.


I can't talk about how I fell with my family anymore, and the only friend I had spoken to about this is clinically depressed, and the last time I spoke to her about this she tried to kill herself... Said I had brought her down too much... 


I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't speak to my mother or my best friend. I don't have a doctor or anyone to speak to because we can't afford it and my moms not 100% sure I'm not faking this whole thing. I'm lost.... And I need help. I know that. But I just don't know where to get help from

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