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Scott wright

How much stress can a bpd person take?

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Scott wright

Hi everyone I’m Scott I’m 42 live in the Scottish Borders with my three dogs. 
 I was diagnosed with severe bpd in my 20’s and after 15 years of thinking what’s wrong with me?.?.? Why??? What??? Why me??? The question mark became an important symbolic thing to me. Until the diagnosis! Then I had a LABEL!! I came out thinking ooooh I have something recognised wrong with me I’m not just mad! I thought this was a good thing. Little did I know the Label was a label of a walking catch 22!! No real help for us out there they just reply on the inevitable happening and you breaking and taking the leap of death. NO was my choice I will not give in to this no matter how hard desperate alone lost f’d up I felt. There’s always something to snap you out of that mood and that’s all we need something to re direct that end thought. I tried online meditation for years and not once did it help until today I discovered mooji on YouTube & I actually fell asleep for two hours after his guided meditation! 

im being forced to look for anew house to live in as my rogue landlord is losing his landlords license..it’s stressing me out as no one really wants to let to you with dogs. My dogs sleep most of the day there so lazy it’s unbelievable there quiet and not destructive. 
ive been here 6-7years and in that time I’ve been sexually harassed by my landlord wife for years told to strip off. Had my ass slapped by her.       I looked after a neighbours wife with severe dementia for 2years as no one else would help so I had to step up as even her husband didn’t help her. I drew the line when she was naked covered in her own poo when I went down one morning to help her get ready for dementia club. So I fought her corner and got her into a care home where she can get proper care. 

Ive lost my brother because he’s so jealous that his son looks like me his uncle! How can I help genetics is beyond me. So I have no support from him anymore. It hurts because I always defended him as a boy against our abuser our father. 
I found out a few years ago my ex got raped and my daughter was dead in side her before they got to hospital. I was only a few weeks away from being a dad. This haunts me daily and I don’t know how to move on from it. I have tried to be there for her but she can not see my face as she says our daughter looked just like me and not her & my face reminds her of that night. It’s killing me. She won’t even reply anymore and I get it. 
I tried to move on myself by using a dating site. Most women want to know if you got kids? Soon as that question comes I break down.  I’ve explained what happened to a couple of online women and I was told by 1 this sounds a bit bullshit*y. The other said I was a liar. I thought oh I won’t be meeting up with you as who in the world would make up anything like that. 
 

my question is would I be better looking for another bpd woman who gets it and try a relationship with them instead of someone with no understanding of mental health? 
 

thanks for your time....Scott Wright 
 

 

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