So I've started a Hug Bank, the way it works is if you are happy and want to share a hug then you deposit a hug, if you are in need of a hug then come on in and take one, there's plenty to go round.

I'll deposit some :bigarmhug[1]: and a few :hug2: and lots of :grouphug[1]: :grouphug[1]:

Everybody needs a little praise sometimes, a well done, a keep going, someone noticing that they've done something. Many of us either didn't get praise/validation or got it sporadically when we were younger, and that is often still the case.

So this post is about giving praise and validation to things which you have/ are doing. Come in and post what you've done or want some recognition on, be it breathing, getting out of bed in the morning, making a life change, starting something, finishing something or climbing a mountain. There's nothing too big or too small!

Then hopefully people can come on and say 'hey- well done you!'. It isn't bad to feel proud of something that you have done, it's pat on the back time : )

Kit xx

• I have a great family. I love my wife deeply and we have been married 20 years.
• I have a well paid job which is secure and am working from home.
• I am covid-free and so are my family.

There are a lot of major challenges as well, but I thought I'd be thankful for what I have.

I would like to give a shout out to old friends on here :). I learned so much from this person and became a better person.

If your like me get it please help 

I can recommend some books even if you are not having ST, I have found then very helpful. They are:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Breaking-Negative-Thinking-Patterns-Self-Help/dp/1118877713/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1516978404&sr=1-4&keywords=schema+therapy

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Breaking-Negative-Relationship-Patterns-Self-Help/dp/1119162823/ref=sr_1_16?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1516978404&sr=1-16&keywords=schema+therapy

I hope you will find them useful. 

Best Wishes everyone

MB

(That's bad. I cannot see my brother learning how to fly, looks like by 2020 most people will be walking...) 

Meanwhile, they still make new planes with no warning of discontinuation, unlike cars. I aim to take paragliding lessons, and once I am comfortable with that I am going to buy myself a paramotor kit. I'm lucky because a huge open field is just a few minutes walk away.. and I am not afraid of heights! A new medication has really helped my mood and make me feel like going out and doing exciting things, and enjoying those things, nonetheless!! But why stop at personal commute via paramotor? I aim in the future to legit get a pilot's licence and a plane, since a lot of single or two seater planes are quite affordable for me! Though I'm a little nervous. 

There's a flying school for paragliding and paramotoring some 60 miles away, which isn't too bad and it's an all-day session. Not that expensive either! I'm just hoping the weather turns out okay on the day, so it might be around my birthday and not actually on the day. 

so...me and pie are getting married. On Christmas Eve.  

Seeing as we met here, I though I would let you know.  This place will always hold a place in my heart.

She's working as a cpn now   I'm working in the uni as a support worker and note taker whilst completing my pgdip/MA in counselling. I'm doing counselling for a voluntary organisation as well as starting to facilitate a dbt group after being a member. Still want to do the clinical psychology doctorate, I'll be applying next year.

things are pretty amazing  

The future mrs pie 

p.s. Dylan is coming over to give me away  

And I got my A Levels results. I only did 2 (though I have 3 altogether now) and I got A*s for English Language and Literature which I was really hoping for as that's what I got for AS. I kind of feel a bit angry with all the people who told me I was useless and bad at English because I don't think that can be true and without comments like that maybe I'd have taken them when I was 18 like most people. But I hated being at school so much and the teaching wasn't great and I could barely spell when I was 18 so maybe I did do them at the right time and in the right way. I did 2 GCSEs as well, I get the results next week. I'll be  happy with 2 Cs

neilh

After a weekend in which I had a minor argument with my wife, felt slightly anxious in the heat on Sunday but otherwise things, were very much OK, I am left with a feeling of puzzlement!  This surely is Normality, I feel that although I have worked extremely hard on my recovery, its time to accept that, life isn't perfect and nor is a 'Perfect Recovery'.........I sometimes feel that as people living with BPD we expect too much from ourselves and find it hard accept the enviable negative events that life throws at us.

In all I had an average but, 'Normal' weekend, I didn't 'act out' I didn't reduce myself to tears, I coped........Lesson learnt- I must learn to accept normality for most of life even with BPD is normality.

 I am a 51 year old male with BPD and 5 years ago, my life was a mess, I lost nearly everything, career, relationships, my self respect.

The Good News is, Recovery is possible from BPD.

At first like many I was misdiagnosed as Bi-polar, for several years I was prescribed all kinds of med's non of which worked and indeed made my condition worse.

I was lucky in that 5 years ago I was given my true diagnosis of BPD and since then I have never looked back. With the help of a great therapist, support group and not forgetting my loving wife/ I am at last responding to my recovery plan and feel so much better. I have stopped 'acting out' and my symptoms have reduced.

For me, key changes in my recovery are:

Reducing and coming off medication with professional guidance

Opening up and dealing with issues of PTSD

Radical Acceptance

Becoming aware of the '15 styles of Deluded thought'

Reducing my Old and unhealthy coping skills' [ Alcohol, sex, spending]

Learning to Stop Self Hating myself, and developing a sense of love and respect for myself,

Finding my 'true self'

In short, It has taken me many years to sort the wheat from the caff concerning BPD, and although I am aware that everyone is different, I only wish I'd had known the importance of these keys areas at the start of my recovery.

These comments are meant for guidance and consideration only, please seek professional advice before making changes to your personal recovery plan.

My question to users of this forum is concerning, An open letter to my loved one's explaining my BPD diagnosis and my recovery. Is it a good idea!

For some time now I have felt that those around me, my loved one's, friends do not really understand my diagnosis and the events of my past, In particular, outbursts and self destructive behaviour. In particular I would like my children to understand. I have always strived to support and care for my children, however there have been times in the past where they must have been concerned or felt that 'Dad was acting weird. I have a generally close relationship with my family members but really feel I owe them an explanation. I also feel that those around me should realise that some of this behaviour was not of my choosing.

What are the thoughts of the forum on this matter or has anyone else felt like writing such a letter.

I now have my own flat. I moved in this week. It's a beautiful flat- much bigger than I was expecting and completely new. I haven't been here long but I'm quite comfortable with the cooker and remembering to wash up.

There was a bit of trouble getting the flat. I needed a lot more points but I wasn't able to get any as the housing officer told the council I have a mental age of 9. She says this is what my social worker told her and knowing my social worker, anything is possible! I was supposed to see my social worker today but she cancelled again. It used to annoy me when she cancelled or forgot an appointment but it happens so often I'm half-expecting it now. She is lovely though and she means well. 

It was odd though - the housing officer made a report about the council housing decision at a meeting. My social worker says she was at the meeting and she corrected the mistake but she says my OT was not present at the meeting. My OT says she was at the meeting and she corrected the mistake but she says my social worker was not at the meeting. So does this mean there were 2 meetings?

Anyway the housing officer felt awful about her mistake and although she was about to leave her job, she wanted to correct her mistake first so she went back to the council with the correct information and I think she might have overdone it a bit out of guilt as I got another 50 points. This took me to the top of the housing list and as soon as an appropriate flat became available, I made a bid and now here I am in the flat

I also got my English Language and English Literature AS results in the summer and got 2 A*s. I'll get my full A Levels next summer. I was really happy about the results but also at the same time I was kind of angry with all the English teachers at school who told me I was illiterate and no good at English. I think I must be quite good if I can get A*s. If they'd given me a bit of encouragement, maybe I'd have worked at my GCSEs and stayed at school. But better late than never.

My health still isn't brilliant - physical or mental - but my immune system is back to normal so I can work with ill people if I want to. I'm fine with blood now and a lot more tolerant of other bodily fluids. I'd like to be a dispenser in a pharmacy, perhaps in the hospital. I'm going to start off by doing first aid training and become a volunteer. I hope this will demonstrate my interest in medical matters, allow me to get used gradually to working with people, and if I do well at volunteering I hope they'll be able to give me a reference. I only need GCSEs to be a dispenser but by the summer I should have 3 A Levels (I have one already, though I only got a D for Welsh). I don't want to go to university though! I'd rather just work.

My relationship with my mum has improved. She still has digs at me sometimes and they really hurt but she's been mostly been supportive about the flat and has let me make my own decisions about buying and arranging furniture. My parents are still driving to the house most days with my belongings and they have never complained. They have even bought some of my furniture for me- they did that for my sister so they felt they had to do the same for me but I have less expensive tastes than my sister and more of an eye for a bargain so I'm able to keep their costs down. 

I have a boyfriend too. He's really sweet and lovely but he's asexual which is perfect because I don't want to have sex either. We just cuddle a lot and kiss a bit and that's enough . We would both like to have a baby one day (though we've only spoken generally) but we can think about methods if and when we want to. And there's no danger of a baby coming along before we're ready! I talk to him when I want to hurt myself and he's always really kind. He talks to me when he has a bad day at work, which is quite often  He loves his job but he has difficult workmates who make him anxious. I think they're very lucky to work with him because he's really lovely and clever and hardworking   

I still want to die sometimes. Quite badly. I fantasise about doing things to myself. But I never actually do it and it passes. That's something my boyfriend says to me when I went to die- 'You've felt like this before and so far it has always passed'. For now it works. I love him

I think this post is long enough now!

PS I couldn't get a bpd diagnosis as the psychiatrist thinks people with bpd don't care about other people. Having been on this site I know this is rubbish but I can't convince her. But she did give me a diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder. So that was nice. In a weird way. I knew there was something and it's good to have it partly confirmed.

But I don't think we have a poetry one.

I though it would be nice to share our favourite poems.

Another September

by Thomas Kinsella

Dreams fled away, this country bedroom, raw

With the touch of dawn, wrapped in a minor peace,

Hears through an open window the garden draw

Long pitch black breaths , lay bear its apple trees,

Ripe pear trees, brambles, windfall-sweethened soil,

Exhale rough sweetness against the starry slates.

Nearer the river sleeps St.Johns, all toil

Locked fast inside a dream with iron gates.

Domestic autumn, like an animal

Long used to handling by those countrymen,

Rubs her kind hide against the bedroom wall

Sensing a fragrant child come back again

- Not this half tolerated consciousness

That plants its grammar in her unyielding weather

But that unspeaking daughter, growing less

familiar where we fell asleep together.

Wakeful moth-wings blunder near a chair

Toss their light shell at the glass and go

To inhabit the living starlight,Stranded hair

Stirs on the still linen. It is as though

The black breathing that billows her sleep, her name,

Drugged under judgement, waned and - bearing daggers

And balances - down the lampless darkness they came,

Moving like women: Justice, Truth, such figures.

http://laughingsquid.com/fck-that-a-guided-meditation-for-the-realities-of-todays-world/

what makes a person adult?

Please, I need to know.

Thanks,

Katie

Thought id share some goodnews for once with you lovelys. I've recently passed my Cbt driving test & a week later my fiance had me delivered a brand spanking new pergeot kisbee 100cc she's beautiful my little kissy. She is the first  (legal) lol transport I've had in my life and u finally have the independence I've craved for so long. I was unable to go out alone and still struggle hugely but Ive been popping to the shop (I almost poor things away for a reason to go lol) today I went to the hairdressers & the doctors and I was so excited and pumped up was amazing! Also your face is basically covered by the lid so extra saftey  (in my head) I'm aching like a bitch all over since I got her due to my fibromyalgia as well as the BPD but nothing will ruin this. It's amazing. 

Thanks for reading 

Won't let me post a pic

On Friday I walked to work, it took me an hour (its 3.3 miles).  After work we had a social event, complete with bouncy castles. There was a free bar and a free burger van.  I had quite a lot to drink but so did many other people.  I even tried chilli vodka, it was nasty lol.  I bought £10 worth of charity lottery tickets and I won a £20 restaurant voucher and a Microsoft Tablet device :).  Its really great, a little computer.

On Saturday my 14 year old daughter went to a show, and she did 20 minutes of clarinet playing with the youth orchestra, and she got a whole day's free entrance to the show.  She bought us back a nice pack of jam/marmalade/chutney :).  I am very proud of her musical talents.

I managed to get a first coat of paint on the gate out the back of our house on Saturday.

I did some research for my walking group yesterday and I've found an alternative route yesterday around some building work by some nice lakes.  When I went home I scheduled some nice walks for the group.  I already have 12 signed up for the walk around the lakes.  One of the other walks I scheduled was for 1st of August, and it goes through a nice area with lots of flowers, so I think my group will like it.

Today my wife went to work and I took the kids out to Much Wenlock, a small pretty town.  They are holding the Wenlock Olympian Games at the moment - it is the forerunner of the modern Olympic Games.  We visited a free museum, got my wife a reduced-price pack of gourmet chocolates, and went for a walk to an old windmill.  I took this photo of a dove, which was just strutting around the high street of the town!

Then we went to my mother-in-laws and had an excellent meal - I ate duck.  Then to my mums - she is in France - water her plants - 45 mins of the kids and I mucking about with watering cans :).

I have to go to work tomorrow but I feel like I've had a good weekend.

I was originally predicted a first but I fucked up my dissertation.  My supervisor has asked me to do it again to get it published, however.

I was convinced I'd messed up so badly I would get a 2:2 or lower, which would have meant I couldn't go on my masters or work towards the clinical psychology programme.  

Just waiting to hear about my masters.  Which I have no money for but hey ho...

Toaster, BSc with Honours