wondering if anyone could help me. My sister is very unwell at the moment with BPD, this is the worse we have seen her. My family and I have been frantically trying to get her more intervention as home treatment team is not working. She is extremely suicidal and we have been told she is next on the list for a bed for Inpatient care. (This has taken months of pestering and pleading with them to help). Can someone please tell me what we should expect from her being admitted to hospital? How long will she be in there? Will we be able to visit? My family and I are beyond worried. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

many thanks

Hollie 

Louisa

I have posted on two areas for traffic. For a forum that has so many members it is strange that so many posts get zero or 1/2 responses, especially when they are having lots of views, what is all that about? Am I missing something?

We think he has BPD because he ticks more than five of the BPD boxes. My mum died a bit less than two years ago and this has really exposed his behaviour. We as his (adult) children obviously had a good idea about his mood swings but we've also realised how much work she must have put in to keep him as much on a level as possible. They still argued all the time, but he wasn't like this. He's currently blocked me on WhatsApp because I spoke to my aunt on the phone. She has become the object of most of his venom since my mum died, but he caused an ongoing family feud for years before that with my uncle (all on my mum's side of the family, not his own), which only resolved itself quite recently (because my uncle just let bygones be bygones and my dad chose another enemy to brood on). He also directs the same kind of hatred towards his mother and his sister, who has now died, and, to an extent, me. I don't feel loved by him, I feel like he is suspicious of me and my intentions, and also trying to get a rise out of me and cause arguments by constantly bringing up topics that he knows we disagree on. 

I am sure if I read about people's stories here I will find much worse versions of the disorder. My boyfriend knew a guy with BPD who killed himself, and I know that lots of them self-harm etc, my dad doesn't do that, other than drinking a lot and then twisting the truth about that. But he is *so* hard to deal with, so hard to please, so hard to be normal around because he gets offended by everything. Fair enough that he is not in a position where he can offer any emotional support to any of his three offspring since mum died (and we have done our best with offering him support, but it's like a bottomless pit, you'd never be able to give him enough)...but he desperately wants all three of us to cut contact completely with our aunt, who was my mum's only sister, who has always been a particular support to me and my sister (far more than my dad has ever been). My sister and brother have already distanced themselves from my aunt for an easy life, but I really don't see why I should, when we've always been close and I can relate to her much better than my dad. He thinks we talk about him, when it's the last thing I'd want to talk to her about. 

It's a complicated situation, and I know it's a condition with a broad range of behaviours, so I'm not sure how much help anyone can give. Especially as he definitely won't look into DBT. He still has counselling, which he started about a week after my mum died, and he's even really nasty to the counselor. She must have noticed his inability to control his moods, but she unfortunately hasn't referred him on to anyone.

It's just really hard work and to be honest however hard any of us try, it keeps coming back to him having a meltdown and pushing us all away, then us reconnecting, him seeming balanced for a while, and then something small triggering another meltdown - it's an exhausting cycle. He's gone AWOL lots of times since my mum died, but he hasn't ever singled me out to block me before. I feel a bit numb about that kind of thing now, it doesn't even seem like a big deal, except I know that he sees that sort of thing as very symbolic (he's constantly checking peoples' WhatsApp if they don't respond to him, is paranoid about whether they've blocked him, etc - so I know the kind of anger that would have led him to do it). We feel like we're on our own (at least there are three of us, and my sister and I have supportive partners), but where we would normally turn to family, we feel we can't, because he is just constantly telling us how disloyal and crap we are.

Do I really have to cut contact with people I love, to please a father that really shows me no love at all? 

I have been looking into treatment for my partner who has been diagnosed with BPD. We want to take a residential/inpatient route, as he has been struggling with acute treatment services through the NHS for quite a while. I have been wondering if anyone has any experience with private mental health companies (e.g., Priory, Cygnet) and therapeutic communities, and if so - which ones would you recommend? It seems there are a lot of options, but I am not sure which ones to trust and what step to take!

Thanks

the problem is my mum quite clearly has some serious mental health issues herself, and she has used me as her sort of therapist for as long as i can remember, but she has no awareness of mental health and is very naive to the topic. she is extremely sensitive and takes everything people say very personally, when she feels she is being blamed for something it triggers a downward spiral that the whole family has to endure. she is extremely insecure about her parenting in the past when we were younger, she feels like she neglected us as she was completely dedicated to her work for our entire childhood. because our interactions were so based on me talking her through her own insecurities and issues, i became the therapist at a very young age. i think because of this i have never felt comfortable sharing my own issues/emotions, especially with my mum as i am the glue that holds her together and keeps her stable. 

now because of the virus, i am back at home living with her and my brothers. i am constantly triggered and having to hide my emotions more than usual, as when i do show them i'm seen as rude or too sensitive. i know things might be easier or they would be more understanding if i told them about my bpd but i do not know how i can tell my mum. i know the first thing shell do is research it and see that a common cause is being neglected as a child and she will instantly blame herself for this and it will confirm all her worst fears about being a 'bad' parent. i'm worried she will resent me for this, and that she wont know how to interact with me and will get too caught up in researching and it will become all she thinks of me as, her parenting failure. 

please if anyone has any advice, or experience with telling a parent about their bpd i would love another opinion because i really do not know what to do.

Has anyone else experienced this type of thing? is there any particular way that you deal with it?

Even beyond that, it would actually be so nice to hear from people who have been there and understand how crap it is!

So I am new here. By way of introduction I guess I will discuss myself in the hope that someone understands where I am coming from. 

I was always an anxious child. But when I got to the age of 18 my mental health seemed to de-stabilize due to the fact that I was leaving my whole life behind to start a new venture - university. I remember feeling really intense emotions - not just anxiety but anger, irritation, low mood, hyperactivity etc.! With the help of a mental health advisor, I managed to get through university on a fairly stable level. Then, due to various events happening in my personal life, I had my first proper breakdown. I ended up in a psychiatric facility where the psychiatrist (like so many before her) diagnosed me with anxiety. She assured me that it must be the anxiety I'm feeling - yet I knew it wasn't. I tried to explain it to her but, to be frank, she was one of those posh, private psychiatrists who just assumed she was right.

Then came years where I guess I was a guinea pig for many who came across me! At one stage I was on enough medication for someone with bipolar and at another they were treating me for depression! The breakthrough came recently when I came to a day unit and spoke to people there. They seemed to listen to me and really understand me! They got me to read a booklet about BPD and asked me various questions and everything just seemed to go into place.

I've spent the last 9 years believing I was even crazier than I thought! I thought that I had anxiety but that I was different to other anxiety sufferers....turns out that, yes, an aspect of my mental health problem was anxiety but that it wasn't the overarching issue. 

I have no idea WHY I came to suffer with BPD but I'm keen for treatment to be focused on the future and how I can manage and recover from it. Not on the past. I have a good prognosis and there is a statistic (taken from Mind) that 85% of sufferers tend to think they have made a full recovery after 10 years. I'm just thrilled that I finally understand why I feel this way.

So hi to everyone! Hope to be speaking to many of you soon!

Emily x

Thanks everyone!

If it does turn out that this is BPD I'm scared where this leaves me am I destined to forever be this ball of untamed rage that could explode at any point is it possible for me to ever really trust anyone or am I forever going to be paranoid that they are out to attack me in one way or another will I always see any form of slight as an outright attack that requires me to respond in kind will I always be looking out for the trick in someone's smile  or  offer of friendship.

I push people away and I isolate my self away . from the world. hoping that if I do this that no one will have the opportunity to leave which I don't want I want . to be loved I want to have the capacity to love someone and not shut myself away from them and. not to be second-guessing everything that is happening.

so on Wednesday, I'm off to see my dr . to ask for help because the way things are now is not manageable if feel completely out of control and for a long my mental health has not left me in a good place so fingers. crossed that one way or another I can come up witha solution 

They don't know why we are addicts and spend all our money.

I do.. By having these traits we are always in need, so we will always be looking for help.. Our illness feeds on need, everything we do is about asking for help, doing stuff to see if people care.

Our lives are led by what our head tells us about a life event, in fact that will only be based on what feeds the need.  We never can see both sides, for and against.. We only get what in most cases is bullshit..

The very part of us that gives us the ability to love ourselves is missing.

My head told me that i could never do anything because who cared anyway, who is there to say well done.

Like achieving stuff in education making myself better. My head said i couldn't do it.

Its bollocks

Our brains are wired to do anything that it can to look for someone to care, it has a need, whilst we are looking testing, splitting its feeding.

Its not so much black and white, and all about if they cared blah blah.  We not realise we are abusive, and manipulative.

My head made up some real bad shit that has caused me to be suspended from work..Because my boss didn't reply to my emails and messages.

Its never been this bad. i know what it is..

I have never ever not had the bollocks to beat something.. This is killing me.. Doctors and no one helps cos I'm too stable for them i work two jobs.

I know how bpd works, what drives, it what causes, it i do stuff bpd and two days later I'm so ashamed it was all lies in my head

Bpd is stand alone,, if you get something else its because of your life. You all talk to parents and family that treat  you like shit.. you associate with friends who take the piss, you do jobs that you don't like.. your killing yourselves.

BPD is all i have..seeing stuff, nope not bpd.. bpd is only triggered by stuff happening in your life, bipolar just does shit.. 

im sick of people asking do you hear things.. fuck sake,, educate yourselves.  i demanded by boyfriend did this he didn't reply i told him i needed him, fuck sake,, manipulative and abusive.

The only way to live is to not have people in your life..  the only people you will be normal around are those who are friends who grow with you, 

Self harm is because your hurting so much.. I've never seen anyone.

BPD can cause other stuff because of your life.. 

We can stop stuff when we see it. but we cannot control what we see or we see it.. 

i have boundaries now.. but I'm sick so bad the coke is there because I've not got any capacity to fight it so i take coke to get the need make me feel I'm doing something, so off it i live like a dead person..  

Its the same for us all, if we all lived the same we would be identical.. 

i get called names for saying stuff, that bpd does not do this or that.. voices.. fuck sake.. noises.. seeing things..

its not the brain and its workings, its the personality it reacts to life events.. 

I ve been trashed because bpd makes people think they are better than others and judges, we think we are awesome, we talk shit and slag people yet forget we done worse.. we wake up at night thinking how bad they are.. 

we tell ourselves its love bullshit.. its need..we don't love..we need,,love doesn't live through what we are..we take shit to save people,

why do you see shrinks.. unless you get like me your fuked..i see it its so bad how our head lies and sees stuff thats so not true, how we hurt people and think weight when its all shit in our heads, we say stuff its not even real..we live in a world where we beg for help, to see if they care then hate them when they don't kiss our arse.  no one deserves shit or that.. the spending and addiction we can't control.. its there so we get ourselves in shit to be saved.  we can live stable with a friendship.  we can never be sure what we see is true.. 

Those low functioning.. because they are lower intelligence so they cannot process stuff like others.. 

you all are hurting, but you don't ever realise people make you ill.. 

i won't let this kill me it is at moment... i want a life.. i need to work.. i want to educate people even doctors.. who don't know why we have addictions and spend.. they know what we do, they don't fully understand why.. there is only one cause.. and at one age.

You can't be born with it.. you can't fucking get it cos your mum did.

Its a personality disorder.. it grows from birth

I am sick of people being just retards

Depression. is caused by life events you aren't happy, something in your life makes you sad, but you still live it.. or you keep thinking of the past what if. if i had done this..  i just took six years of torture like prison it would have destroyed normal person i didn't get depressed, why? it won't change, its happened. life is the future.. depression don't last forever, its people trying to get others to carry them or fix them.. its the easiest to fix and you never get again. anxiety, i sat in a house for two y ears recluse, i beat it.. i had a breakdown.. i beat it.. myself alone.. no doctors..took six months.. i now have bpd which is destroying my life because i am weak.

I will live on the streets to sort it.. i will sell my car and be on the dole to beat it..

bpd is a cancer its driven by need to make you not able to be strong enough to be happy y ourself

its a lie.. you can fight it but you need to have a life that is stable and happy.  you can't fight shit with no reason

i don't want to die I'm not su^cidal but i would rather die than let this destroy me and let my kids see it.

my life was bpd, this is after. i didn't do dbt i doubt anyone would ever see it like me

i want to be somebody and i will

I am a male in my mid 20's and have suspected for the last year that I have BPD.

I've been having a rough time since breaking up with my ex last year and moving away from her a few months ago.

I've finally decided that enough is enough and I need answers. I'd asked for a diagnosis before but was told it might not be in my best interests.

Now I have an appointment booked for next month. 

Question one: I was wondering what the process is and what they will ask?

Is it a case of answering yes or no to whether you have specific symptoms? Or is it more in depth, perhaps done over mutliple sessions?

Also, my potential BPD has always affected me but it became particularly intense in my relationship because of the dreaded fear of abandonment. It was my first serious relationship and I behaved in ways I never thought I would. In front of strangers though I am very passive, polite - albeit sometimes very awkward depending who it is. I believe they might have a hard time believing me because I wil be calm and well mannered. If only they could see the mess I become when my adrenaline is rushing and my emotions are running high!

Question two: Does anyone know from their experience if this will be a problem?

Thanks in advance!

I wondered if I have BPD as some of my recent experiences seem to match with it. I notice most BPD videos and info are related to women.

Due to my shy personality I have always found making new friends difficult. When I make new friends I think I'm a very clingy person and I feel this drives them away whilst making me more depressed.

Recently a new guy started at work and I helped train him. We get on really well and have a good laugh. However, I then started obsessing about yesterday when he worked at a different place from where he usually works near me, and was next to some other people. I start ruminating on his body language, conversations etc and feel anger, rejection and depression. Was he being distant, cold etc I realise this is irrational yet it makes me really depressed and scared of work as I wonder what will happen the next day, to the point of it taking up all my mind.

As I have OCD I have an obsessive nature anyway, but I wondered if this sounds like BPD to anyone? Have they had similar experiences?

Thanks for your help.