If You Are Feeling Suicidal

[coco]

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/spagebw.htm

Excerpt from above site:

QUOTE:

"If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

"I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

"I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

"Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

"Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens

when pain exceeds

resources for coping with pain.â€

"That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

"Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.†There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

"When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

"You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

"Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

"1 You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

"2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.†Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

"3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

"4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

"But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

"Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans

Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.

Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999

Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line

Call a psychotherapist

Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen. But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

"5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

"Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

"Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

"Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

"Now: I’d like you to call someone."

This has really helped me tonight. Thanks babic xxx

Love Eva xx

[fuzzyfelt]

Babic, Thank you for taking the time to find this, post this and moderate this. I've just had a hard time with these thoughts (went to a unit for a few days), I now know where to find a little encouragement and the words about setting time between the thoughts and actions; seems like I may be able to do that. Thank you.

[Spirit_Tiger]

Thank You! It has helped me so much! It doesn't stop me feeling that way, but it helps me understand. And think about talking to someone!

THANK YOU again!

[kib0ne]

I agree with Ellie on this one. This type of advice makes me feel more suicidal not less. The samaritans are absolutely shite.

Here's how my experiences of trying to deal with suicide have gone:...

I identify real, thanks for sharing this. I'm not in the frame of mind to articulate this myself; I think you did a really good job of conveying this experience.

I've never really found Samaritans helpful either, which has made me feel even more hopeless in the past because it seems to be some given that it should be helpful but I see I am not alone.

[LishaVi]

I think I want to kill myself just for reading that.

Last week my DBT talked about this.

Once a BPD is in suicidal mode. There is pretty much crap all you can do from preventing them from doing it.

You have to prevent them from feeling that way.

[milkyna]

EDITED BY ADMIN

OUCH!!!!!

[Hopeless]

OMG :(

[milkyna]

this has helped me, shaked me and woke up me when i was at THAT point.

are you ok?

[19ellie]

Didn't help me. Just made me feel even more guilty for when I leave life this way.

[crimsonblade85]

seen t pics.. OMG!! i hope they wont haunt my sleep tonight..

[summersun]

I want to stab myself, I want to die. No-one is listening, the think I am ok.

[FrisArvz]

I feel sad for those who commit suicide... because they feel no one care for them, that they want to end up their life then... May those people rest in peace now.....

[Effervescence]

I've tried 1-800-SUICIDE (I'm in the US) and they are CRAP!!!!!!!!!

They refuse to say anything. I finally asked one of them why they refuse to talk, and he said, "We think it's therapeutic for you to 'get it out of your system' and talk yourself down."

SO WHAT THE HELL GOOD ARE THEY?!? I could go out in the woods behind my house and spend hours screaming out the words I'm wasting on these retards!!!

The first time, the girl was too busy slurping a drink and snapping bubble gum to talk to me. Then this guy says nothing, until finally, "Ma'am, you're breaking up." (This after I mentioned that, oh by the way, my dad died a few days ago--after 5 years of hell while my mom and I nursed him thru Alzheimer's. And that my beloved cat died RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES only 3 months ago. AND that my aunt has behaved so abominably--WHILE WE WERE BURYING MY DAD--that my mom and I have broken off all relationships with her.)

Did he even say, "Hey--I'm sorry you're going thru so much right now?"

NOPE. Just didn't give a damn, I guess.

If I wasn't suicidal before.... :angry:

[Bes Pelargic]

I have been having suicidal thoughts since the age of six. Between 6 and 13 I tried to kill myself 5 times. At 14 I discovered drink and drugs so suicide became a longer process. I am now 45 with 4 kids, my 22 year marriage ended 3 years ago and everything I have done to improve life for me and my girls has gone wrong. We are now facing eviction for the second time with nowhere to go and I have run out of coping mechanisms. The only thing stopping me at the moment is the knowledge that I have to get my girls safe.

The Samaritans mean well but they do talk to you like a child, my mental health team is great but they can't be available 24/7 I am overwhelmed by the planning that is going on in my head I must have 20 different sucide scenarios to chose from.

It is all getting just that bit too much for me to deal with and I can feel myself giving up. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

[dizze]

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/spagebw.htm

Excerpt from above site:

QUOTE:

"If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

"I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

"I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

"Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

"Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens

when pain exceeds

resources for coping with pain.â€

"That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

"Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.†There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

"When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

"You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

"Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

"1 You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

"2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.†Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

"3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

"4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

"But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

"Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans

Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.

Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999

Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line

Call a psychotherapist

Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen. But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

"5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

"Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

"Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

"Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

"Now: I’d like you to call someone."

just a little reply.this statement has stopped me in my tracks tonight.i have attemted suicide in the past and ony been close couple times which was devastating but until right now that is why i was holding on to make sure i do it properly this time but now i just dont know but for now i am here....

[bibiddi]

Dizze, I'm always glad to hear when it helps, and I'm definitely happy to hear you are here.

[Rael]

reading. re-reading. trying

[dizze]

I am really trying but seems so pointless . how can i do this time after time i know im selfish i know its the easy way out i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know its deep in my head all of it i know xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxHAD ENOUGHxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxPAIN TO MUCHxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[rain]

Watch this video. Suicide Is Not The Way To End Borderline Pain

[x-Bliss-x]

I've tried reading this but I have no concentration, I've tried several times now... :(

[axtell1080]

ive read this but i still cant see a way out of the big black cloud im in................

i need to feel released from all my pain.....................

[Elke]

I dont have anyone I can call.

[successful_workthru]

I don't feel like I have anyone I can call neither.

I'm frightened of being let down, like before, or my call going unheeded.

Thank god for this site though.

[harrowdown]

I've always liked that one. Read it many times before in the past.

[Tillie]

I feel suicidal and I don't want to call any numbers. I get paranoid that they will trace the number and send the police or whomever and I'll end up in the hospital -- uuugggh.

I like the phrase "suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain" and the part about pain exceeding resources helps to an extent. However, for me suicide is about choosing.

I get into these moods of despair and want to hurt myself, want relief, want some one to care or want attention and all that other good stuff... and then I take a step back and I think... how many times do I want to visit this horrible place. I know the mood will pass. But the minutes, hours or days I spend with this "mood" needs to stop. I do not want to feel this way for a second.

Life has never been so good that I'm encouraged to continue; I have no faith that at 55 years I'm going to finally learn to cope and not be this way... and as for relief... yes, being dead you can not feel relief. I won't care about needing or feeling relief when I die -- that's the whole point.

Anyway, I am not going to kill myself tonight. When it's the right time I won't need to talk about it... tonight is just struggling with the overwhelming pain.

Til

I edited this because of typos... I'm a little OCD I guess!

Edited July 11, 2009 by Tillie