Jump to content
Mental Health Forums

1 More Therapy Session


lonelyheartemma

Recommended Posts

I only have 1 more therapy session left. I was allowed 15 and the last one is my 17th. I don't think I'm ready to stop therapy and neither does my therapist but we don't have any choice so I'm going to have private therapy. The money isn't a problem at all but my new therapist won't be him.

I was ok with it being my last therapy session but now I really don't want it to be my last. I don't like thinking I'm never going to see him again after Wednesday next week. Talking to him is like talking to a friend except he is able to understand better than most people. He has hardly told me anything about himself (and what he did tell me was by accident) but it seems like I know him because I know his ways of exploring my thoughts and trying to help me feel better (he doesn't always succeed but he does try and that means a lot).

When we met he asked me for the names of my friends and family and when I said I also had imaginary friends and family he put them in the same list. He talks about them like they're real. He is very kind and validating. When I tell him the things my mum says he says "That's a horrible thing to say! I'm not surprised you're upset." Other therapists just try to convince me I interpreted it wrong- which of course is a possibility sometimes but he always sees my interpretation as a reasonable one. The weird thing is if a therapist tells me I'm wrong then that scares me and I just won't discuss it. When my therapist tells me I'm right then I start thinking of alternative interpretations myself. Maybe I'm just awkward! That's what my mum has always said. But if therapists make me feel safe and not dismissed then I can take more risks.

I had a dream about him last night. We were in therapy and he decided to blindfold me gag me and tie me to a bed. It all seemed like a completely ordinary task and at first I was fine with it, just listening to the sounds I could hear like he told me to. But then I heard him cry out in pain and then I hated being tied up and not being able to see or speak because I just didn't know if it was really hurt or if he was pretending as part of the task. I don't want to start analysing it but I think it shows I completely trust him and I like him- 2 things that are very important but I've seen lots of therapists and there have been very few I've trusted and liked, he is by far the best.

I have never met a therapist like him before and I might never again. That's a scary feeling. But even if I find someone half as good they will easily be my second best therapist ever and in the end a different therapist could probably do more because there isn't a limit on the number of sessions, well I hope not.

But it's going to be horrible saying goodbye to him. It is different from losing other friends because I do actually believe he doesn't want to say goodbye either. I think he'd like to keep working with me for longer and not leave the job unfinished. In a way that makes it sadder. Maybe he does want to get rid of me and he's just been hiding it a lot better than most people- but I don't believe that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Emma, i totally understand where you're coming from. To me, with therapists in the past that i clicked with is that therapy became the only place where i felt safe. And we soon project this situation onto the person that seemingly delivers this to us.

But it's also worth remembering that therapy is always one sided and as you say he hasn't disclosed a lot of his life, which is the right way and professional.

When i had to say goodbye to my last therapist two years ago, i was utterly sad, and the only thing that helped me get over it is imagining him with things i find annoying. Eating with his mouth open, being very lazy, playing computer games all day long and just being this dull person. Of course, it may be unjust to think of a person like that and I'm sure he's a lovely person outside of therapy, but it helped me get over my attachment and allowed me to move on.

It's so natural to grieve over something that is no more, and I've only shared in case it's something that may help you cut the cord. Allow yourself to feel sad as it's also testament of meaningful time spent together, but try and be open to new things to come with private therapy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's good that you can go for private therapy. You might have more sessions of it and a real help. But I do understand that saying goodbye is difficult and makes you feel sad. I don't grieve for the therapists I've left but if it is a bit like saying goodbye to a friend then of course you'll feel sad and it's totally understandable. Allow you time to grieve. Then I hope your new therapist will be better trained and will give you more efficient support. It could be beneficial in the end. See it as new opportunities maybe. I wish you well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hope all those things wouldn't stop someone from being a good person Fabhcun Gorm or there really is no hope for me.

I suppose it's good I get to say goodbye. Most people just disappear.

I don't know if I'll bother with a new therapist. It all seems a bit pointless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh no, sorry, you're absolutely right. All those things don't stop someone from being a good person. I just thought I'd share what i did to help me over the break up. I couldn't help but put my previous therapists on a peddar stool for all the good they did to me and my head made them to be the best people in the world. Transference and all that. I'm not saying you do, but it's a common thing. I hope i haven't upset you with this, it wasn't my intention. I'm sorry you feel despondent over continuing with another therapist. Maybe it's good to have a little break and see how things are in a month's time?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have seen lots of therapists and he is by far the best. Most were no help at all. But he's not perfect. There are a lot of things he couldn't do. He couldn't do the things I needed him to do most but he still did a lot more than most people.

I'm sure I can manage without him because I managed before I met him. But he's the only person I speak to in person apart from my parents. I don't know anyone else. I don't want to know anyone else really because I don't like most people. But I do like him and I'm going to miss him when he's not there.

He does do things that I don't think are a good idea. He gave me an exercise to do and I explained to him why it was a bad exercise to give to people with mental health problems. My mum is right, I am just so up myself. But that exercise was terrifying. I saw so many parts of it that didn't hurt me but would hurt people I knew, people on here. It scared me so much to think of him giving that exercise to someone who would be hurt by it. He was really nice about it. He listened patiently and said he'd rewrite it. I would like to feel relieved but instead I feel guilty for telling him how to do his job.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...