Group Therapy

[starryeyesee]

I've just started an emotional management course which includes DBT and mindfulness. It's in a group of 6 women, some of which have bipolar and some BPD.

I'm finding it incredibly difficult being part of a group. I'm triggered by some of the others self harm scars to the point where I get home and go into crisis mode for the rest of the night. The only member who is the same age as me has bipolar and is really confident and wants to organise pub meet ups. In the break, everyone talks about their diagnoses.

I am a private person. I don't want to be a part of a group. Next week I have already planned to not get the bus home with them but I'm worried how that will affect the group dynamic. I've never done group therapy before but I feel lucky to be finally getting some DBT.

I'm really struggling with it and feel hopeless that its going to make a difference as I've been unstable for over 20 years.

Any thoughts or tips would be greatly appreciated

starry xxx

[chrisgarrett]

Hi

I had the similar thing when I went to a group thing. The other thing I was suffering with a long with bpd was a sex addiction although having said that having spent some time with a therapist I personally belive it was more driven by an attatchment issue than a out n out addiction. I couldnt be dealing with all the holyer than thou business... I mean I respect those who have faith in a higher power or god or whoever but for me. being in that situation forced me to conform to a belief I sadly dont have. so... I left.... I guess no one can realy make the choice for you we all have to make those ourselves, however what i would say is if the situation there is making you feel really that crappy then why put yourself there. Maybe you would benifit more from more one on one work at least until you are in more of a mindset for group stuff. For me the only benifit for group stuff during my short stay was the realisation Im not that unique lol what I mean is there are and were others who suffered the same which was kinda nice to know.... makes you feel less isolated

[Saharah Blue]

Group is really hard especially when you are not accustomed to interacting in a group environment outside of group. Funny enough, I believe the right thing to do is bring this up in group and let people know you feel really out of element in a group.

Group drove me crazy all the assumed closeness, or just the opposite feeling like the odd one out on some level. My biggest struggle was disclosure, I really did not want to open up and resisted it all the time. The only thing that helped me get through was meeting people that were struggling more, strange as it sounds it gave me some perspective to my strengths, and helped my self-identity issues to some degree because I could see myself clearer.

[starryeyesee]

Thanks for the replies

Sah - There is only one person who I would say is more vulnerable than me and she has been dx with BPD and has really bad, obvious scars. She is also really young. I usually feel the odd one out in a group and in this situation all I find myself doing is comparing myself with the others ( who shave their legs, have boyfriends etc).

I'm off to the third session in half an hour. I'll let you know how it goes...

xxx

[DaisyChain]

hope today went better for you xxx

[lonelyheartemma]

I hope your group therapy went better Starry.

I find any group situation very difficult. I always end up feeling left out and being left out. My confidence building harmed my confidence because I felt so different from everyone else. I had little to contribute because I'd never been in the situations they dealt with. The things I struggled with were things the other people already had and didn't need help with. Then the young people group didn't work for me because I either couldn't do the activities (they involved travelling) or I was so awful at them they were completely appalled and wouldn't let me join in anymore. Group therapy can be a very isolating experience.

At the time what I did was refuse to attend the sessions anymore and I don't regret that. But if I had the same situation now I'd write to someone I trusted in the mental health centre- ideally someone who was connected with the group but it's better to talk to someone who isn't involved than someone you feel you can't trust. I would explain the problems I had and how I felt and that I don't feel group therapy is for me but I'd like to give it a couple more weeks to see if there was any improvement. It is worrying that you find the group triggering- it is ok for therapy to be challenging but it's not good if it's leaving you in a triggered state and there's no one to help you with that.

I really hope today's session went better for you Starry. Thinking of you xxx

[Saharah Blue]

groups are hard and I don't know if I would have the courage to go back to one anytime soon. I mean mine was DBT and for one hour we checked in had a break and started in on learning a new module, so it kind of reminded me of school. But, if I had to just sit for 2 hours and openly talk about how wretched I was I would be really uncomfortable because my major issues with my BPD is relationships and I was always plagued by my bf. Everyone thinks oh she just needs to shut up and get a decent boyfriend or at least that is how I felt everyone thought of me actually let me take that back and say it another way.

I fear groups because I cannot read people easily, so I feel lost. I feel that being lost makes me look like I don't care about others. I feel disconnected in front of others and that makes me feel both vulnerable and inadequate.

I will say well done for sticking out to group three and keep posting about it, I think a lot of people actually feel really similar in being uncomfortable.

[starryeyesee]

I went to the session which was about values. It was a really hard session as I felt I couldn't relate. I talked to the moderators after about how triggered I was and how I was having a crisis after every session. They suggested doing something nice for myself which I find really hard to do when I'm upset.

I got off the bus and bought a bottle of vodka as I was in emotion mind and in pain and my main coping strategy is getting drunk. I feel like a lost cause but I'm scared if I don't complete the course they won't offer me anything else and however painful this is I am lucky to be there.

I start uni next week and I have to stop drinking and overdosing and cutting and if this therapy helps me a bit it has to be worth the pain.

[farneston]

I hated it....this was a long time ago, but then I felt slated for being...well who I am, and what I want.

[lonelyheartemma]

(((Starry))) it's so difficult isn't it? They do things to help us then if we struggle with it it's seen as a sign that we don't want help. But that's not true at all, if we struggle it means we need more help not less.

It doesn't sound like the moderators were very helpful, obviously I might have got this wrong so maybe I'm being unfair to them but it is at least partly their fault you are going into crisis and it sounds like they haven't taking responsibility for their part in it. That doesn't help you and it also doesn't set a good example as one of the things they are often trying to drum into is about accepting responsibility.

Doing nice things for yourself is really hard when you are upset. It often takes effort like you might need to go and buy something which might be a huge stress and then when you are depressed you often feel you are worthless (which you're not at all) so you might be thinking it's not worth the trouble.

I think it's great you're going to try to stick it out and trying to see the positives and if completing the course leads to more help then that is a positive I suppose. I really hope you will be able to cope better when you start uni. It might be that doing something you love, meeting people who love the same thing, having things to distract you from therapy are all positive things which will help you but it must be so worrying.

I suppose the best thing to do before you can actually stop drinking and self harming maybe you could try reducing how much you do before you actually stop it?

[addy2]

I also hated dbt and group therapy every session sent me into crisis I drank, cut or od'd all the time they kept pushing me to stay I even ended up in hospital then they abandoned me when I needed them most, I think we have to be ready if your in crisis after each session you aren't ready I wasn't and it damaged me way more than good I've been trying to recover from it this past five months. Do you feel you will benefit eventually from it? Groups really are hard for a lot of us take care xx

[basimelhabashy]

Group therapy is sometimes used alone, but it is also commonly integrated into a comprehensive treatment plan that also includes individual therapy and medication.