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Good News From Data


Data

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I make similar posts here again and again and sometimes I wonder why I bother, I wonder what I want from this forum sometimes. So I was trying to do something different.........


All of the things in the post are technically possible, but unrealistic.

A lot of the things are not in my control, they are controlled by other people. My wife won't agree to therapy. My boss won't change. My son's behaviour may deteriorate as he goes through puberty, rather than improving. CAMHS have a tendency to just label and dismiss rather than being any help. By making this post I have realised that I have a victim mentality. I resent the fact that these things are out of my control and that they won't change. Perhaps instead of resenting it, the way forward for me is to try and understand why they won't change?

Some things are within my control (alcohol, food), but I find it very hard to change them. As bibiddi says, "each change has a knock on effect to improve other areas of Datas life". The reverse is true also: it feels hard for me to change the few things that I can change when there is so much I can't change.

There is one thing that I'm definitely going to change though - swimming. I'm going to take a look for my swimming trunks myself this afternoon, and if I can't find any, I'll buy some more.

And I'm going to keep the walking club going - that bit was true - its great :).

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Data...not all your problems...alcholism causes family problems...kids with alcholic parents are more likely to be addicts and have depression

Steve

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Data...not all your problems...alcholism causes family problems...kids with alcholic parents are more likely to be addicts and have depression

Steve

Yes, I am sure it doesn't help. But I don't think alcohol is the cause of my family problems.

Firstly, many alcoholics drink all day and don't provide emotional support for their kids, they are abusive and violent. I only drink on an evening, and I am very much there for my family emotionally and on a practical level. And I am not violent at all.

Secondly, as a social scientist will tell you - correlation is not causation. The fact that the parents are alcoholic and the kids grow up to have problems doesn't necessarily mean that the parents alcoholism always caused the kids problems. You may find there is another factor in there such as depression or a personality disorder and that even if they hadn't drank, they would still not able to be good parents - or they may be something hereditary in the family.

You have your opinion Steve and we don't agree but I know now that you mean well, I don't want to argue with you.

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Morning Data,

I started a reply yesterday but my browser died and it was lost, so I will try and recap. I really liked your post and I was thinking of how much just letting your mind explore the possiblities of a thing, in this case your well being how much you can glean from what we expect our hopes for life to look like.

This last week I have been working a lot with my expectations of others and how dissapointing it feels to be let down from what feels like realistic expectations to have of others to communicate with me in a matter of fact way. Which it turns out I somehow am applying my high standards of myself towards others and then feeling dissapointed and angry which sadly turned into rage last week.

I like that your creative piece touches on this for me, in your writing you flesh out what it would like for everything to be smooth sailing in your world and it is not only highly believable I can actually see that dissapointment in this senario would feel really sharp for me (BPD). I would feel pained especially because the desired result is so realistic to hope for and see. Thank you for the personal insight this added to my own troubled landscape.

The other element I that really stood out for me yesterday was how much self awareness can be seen from taking the time to write out what you hope and dream and pine for. I am learning, abiet slowly, so very slowly that the first step to making a goal is for myself is envision myself achieving it. For me this means to allow myself to dream more freely more openly without restraint, this is increadibly true for positives I feel because they are shot down so quickly, it can be hard to want to put yourself out there in a posiitive capacity.

keep writing your doing great and deserve the encourage to partisipate with helps you cope, I am a huge fan of creative pursuits and I say don't let the naysayers decided what you feel you get to say creatively, you posted in the correct forum and you have been really kind in responding to any confusion, if they can't see that your heart is good and in the right place and not out to harm others, it is truly not your problem.

oxox, so glad you are part of my support network,

Sah

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Data...you know I am a recovering alcholic...I think I have transferred some of my issues on to you. I apologise and glad you know I do mean well, and wish you well.

I agree with a lot of what Sahara has written

Steve

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Hi Data

I've only just read this thread so saw the notice of it being fiction prior to reading.. Just wanted to add my support and.. really that I can't say anything any better than Sahara has said. Hope you are well :)

Jenny

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Over the many years I've known you, I also thought it was true - and a remarkable turnaround. I, too, did not read the topic properly as I clicked on the link to newest topics to the right of the forum, rather than go through creative corner. I will not criticise, it is your post. I hope for the sake of innocents in your household that you gain some of what you hope for in your fantasy. Your suffering is not alone, but your house seem also to suffer from issues - whether they be environmental, genetic or both (as children learn from their parents). You all deserve much more.

Ok guntarded, I will message Lily-bee to ask if I can edit it to put an explanation on it.

You say "I hope for the sake of innocents in your household that you gain some of what you hope for in your fantasy".. that is appreciated, but I am hoping that doesn't mean you classify me as "guilty" lol.

Our house does suffer from issues. Its not alone. Millions sweep them under the carpet......................

No data I don't think you are guilty. It was a positive hopeful message for your whole family. Yes millions of families sweep their issues under carpets but it's clear from many posts over many years that your whole family including you, suffer greatly and it's showing in outbursts and stress. So I hope part of your fantasy comes true

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I think that it's great that you can imagine how you would like it to be. Imagining is a first step to change things. Sometimes I can't even imagine. Well done Data. I liked reading it.

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